If you were wondering where Daric Barton was when Oakland was playing the Yankees this weekend (who of us wasn’t?), well he wasn’t playing because he got hurt during the All-Star break. The rookie first basemen has a lot to learn about how to dive into swimming pools.
If you see a diving board, it’s probably save to jump in head first. If you see little kids happily paddling along with out those orange floaties, it’s probably a bad idea to jump in at all. The A’s rookie first basemen misjudged the depth of a local pool, resulting in a stiff neck and a split-open head that required six staples.
Barton’s staples are clearly visible at the top of his head. He was told that he will be left with a sizable scar and that the hair around the scar will not grow back. He still plans to keep his buzz cut, though. “I’ll tell people someone hit me with a 2-by-4,” he said.
Considering A’s GM Billy Beane is the snake oil salesman of midseason trades, something tells me that despite the head wound, he’ll be able to deal Barton to a team for three quality prospects, citing that the scar on his head strengthened his determination to win.
We’re not exactly sure why anyone would want to punch EA Sports’ charismatic figurehead, Peter Moore — especially in his cherubesque face. Still, we guess it’s nice to have that opportunity available, should you someday develop a strong Moore aversion. However, traveling to Pete’s home and mercilessly pummeling him would likely be a costly and illegal venture — luckily, EA’s upcoming Facebreaker will reportedly allow you to perform a beatdown upon a digital representation of Moore’s visage, free of travel expenses and assault charges.
As the first commenter on this post will assuredly point out, this is old news. The second commenter will likely correct him in a patronizing tone, reminding him that a requirement for news is that it be new, and that this story, therefore, is not news at all. The third commenter, a jocular fellow, will then inquire if it is, in fact, olds? We get it, alright? However, we’ve never failed to mention new additions to the Xbox Live Arcade, and we don’t plan on starting this week. Besides, when you see these sterling new releases, we don’t think you’ll fault us for being a few days late to the new release party.
First up is Double D Dodgeball(800 MS points/$10), which recreates the classic playground sport with an eye-searing “retro arcade design”. The game dropped two weeks before its expected release date, though a reported bug that kicks players off of Xbox Live upon starting up the game make us wonder if perhaps a few guns were jumped. Joining it is Coffeetime Crosswords (800 MS points/$10). With 150 puzzles and a co-op mode, this new entry will surely fulfill all your sinister linguiphilic desires.
Rounding out the list is the EA Fantasy Football Live Draft Tracker (400 MS points/$5), which allows users of EA’s online fantasy leagues to import their league settings, draft new players, then export their new rosters back onto EA’s servers. This is not a game, and we regret including it in this post.
If you were wondering where Daric Barton was when Oakland was playing the Yankees this weekend (who of us wasn’t?), well he wasn’t playing because he got hurt during the All-Star break. The rookie first basemen has a lot to learn about how to dive into swimming pools.
