Basketbawful has pulled out some 20-sided dice, a bag of chicken gizzards, and the Skull of Destiny to give you the inside skinny on tonight’s NBA playoff game. (And there’s one skinny thing that had better not be at the game…)
Gisele Bundchen. Tom Brady’s supermodel pet was in attendance at Game 2, when the Celtics’ perfect home playoff record came to a sticky end. Bitter New Englanders will also note that Gi was at Super Bowl XLII, where the Patriots’ perfect record got blown to smithereens. (Hold on…MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…okay, I’m done.) My point is actually a message to Tom Terrific: Leave the bitch at home. Bros before hos, dude. Bros before hos. (I’m sure Tedy Bruschi is free.)
History lesson. In Game 5 of the 1987 Eastern Conference Finals, Larry Bird famously stole a lazy inbounds pass and fed a streaking Dennis Johnson for a layup, and the Celtics beat the Pistons 108-107. In Game 5 of the 1988 Eastern Conference Finals, Detroit held Boston to six field goals in the final 17 minutes and ended up winning in overtime 102-96. In both cases, the team that won Game 5 won the series. I’m just sayin’.
This could be your last chance, Part I. In Game 4, Antonio McDyess partied like it was 1998, to the tune of 21 points and 16 rebounds. The dude played — CLICHE ALERT!! — like there was no tomorrow. And Doc Rivers wants his squad to learn from that. “I think the veterans really get that. I think the young ones always think there’s another opportunity. The whole thing is to show them how close we are, the sense of urgency they have to have. Because the other team has it.”
This could be your last chance, Part II. Flip Saunders thinks some of the Pistons should also be following in the footsteps of Old Man McDyess. “He knows that you can’t take any of this for granted. Some of our guys have been in six straight conference finals, which is an amazing achievement, but for some of our guys, this is the first time. Dice knows that, at this point of his career, it could always be his last. And all our guys need to realize that. You can’t just expect there to always be a next time.” Yup. Just ask Dwyane Wade.
This could be your last chance, Part III. Doc doesn’t have to worry about Paul Pierce. He gets it. “We don’t get this opportunity too much in our careers. We have to go out and play like it’s our last, because you never know when this is going to happen again. We have to find some way, somehow to get a win at home and bring that momentum back to Detroit.”
The power of positive thinking. Kendrick Perkins moves like he’s in one of those dreams where you run like you’re underwater. You know the ones? Anyway, he may be Mr. Molasses, but he’s still impressed and inspired by the confidence dripping off of The Mid-sized Three. “They never panic, especially Ray, Paul and KG. They’re always poised. They never talk negative, even after the loss they stayed positive. It was like, ‘Don’t even worry about it. We aren’t losing any more games at home.’” Speaking of those dudes…
The Mid-sized Three. Boston’s menage a trois shot 11-for-38 in Game 4, and you don’t need a degree in matheology to know that’s bad. Kind of like eating yellow snow or crossing the streams. They need to shoot better - and by “they” I mean KG and Truth, because Ray-Ray’s a lost cause - for the Celtics to win, well, any more games.
Chauncey Billups. Mr. Big Shot might have to change is name to Mr. Shoot Him And Put Him Out Of His Misery. He’s been truly, truly awful. Like, worthy of a Waltonism-level awful. But don’t worry. It’s not the hamstring. It’s his timing. Or it’s all in your mind. Or something. According to Flip Saunders, anyway. “I think his leg is fine; I think he just needs to get his timing back. If you notice, he’s playing better late in games, and I think some of that is just from getting into a rhythm. It isn’t about how he plays, it is about how the team plays. When we lose, it is going to be his fault, and when we win, he’ll get the credit. That just goes with being a point guard.”
Rodney Stuckey. Here’s what’s depressing if you’re Boston: Stuckey is playing so well it almost doesn’t matter how Billups plays. Seriously. This kid is good. And confident. And he scares me. Where’s my blankie?
Calling all leprechauns (and the ghost of Red Auerbach).According to Sam Cassell and other Celtics, the visitor’s locker room in the Palace of Auburn Hills was hot before Game 4. Like, fry-an-egg-on-your-head hot. Shenanigans? You’d better believe it. I bet Red was rolling over in his grave, because that was his old trick. Think the visitor’s locker room will be hot, or cold, or under water for Game 5? You’d better believe it.
Calling all passers. You know what’s worse than a steaming hot locker room? Bad ball movement. That’s what the C’s had in Game 4: 12 assists compared to 14 turnovers. Ugh. Of course, that number would probably be a little higher if they had, I dunno, hit some shots.
Bold prediction. The Celtics win by some positive number.
The only thing we really know about Jay Bruce so far: He likes enormous hats. Look at that thing. You could keep your wallet and keys in there. But other than that he’s just about perfect; at least according to Reds’ fans. It’s Brucemania! Here’s how firmly it’s taken hold on Day One: Reds bloggers are writing glowingly about how they love the way he flips his bat. True.
The Reds promoted the 21-year-old outfielder from Class-AAA Louisville on Tuesday, designating first baseman Scott Hatteberg for assignment. And the debut was almost as big as the hype: Bruce going 3-for-3 with a double, two walks, two RBI and a stolen base as the Reds beat the Pirates, 9-6. Bruce, a center fielder, was hitting .364 at Louisville with 10 homers. He had been named Minor League Player of the Year while with the Bats in 2007.
As a sophomore in high school, playing on the West Brook varsity, he hit a home run that made his coach’s jaw drop. “The field was 310 feet down the right-field line,” said Jacob Walton, the West Brook head coach who was an assistant when Bruce played there. “They had another field facing us. There were about 50 feet from that fence to the next fence. He hit the ball way to the first-base dugout. It was 500 feet easily. I was like, ‘Oh, my God.’ It was the farthest home run I think I’ve ever seen him hit. That clicked right there that we had something special, that we needed to get him going, get him trained the right way.”
Of course there’s no way to tell if Bruce is the Next Big Thing, or the Next Clint Hurdle. But it’s fun to speculate. Perhaps Max Mercy can dig up a few more facts on his background.
If there’s any criticism we’ve heard about EA’s Madden NFL series time and time again, it’s that since EA got the monopolyexclusive rights for the NFL license, the only thing that seems to change about the game year after year is the number at the end. Whether it’s the doing of EA Sport’s new head honcho Peter Moore, or some new vigor at EA Sports, the company is definitely looking to show that Madden NFL 09 is improved.
Above you’ll find EA showing off the differences between Madden 08 and 09. We’ve placed several other videos showcasing new features and animations in Madden 09 after the break. %Gallery-21786% [Via Evil Avatar]
Slate’s Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week’s best baseball game in the style of the vaunted sportswriters of yesteryear. This week: The Cubs’ tought loss to the Pirates on Sunday.
The horsehide arced toward the heavens, and seemed surely to portend the finality of the afternoon’s proceedings. As it reached its apogee, and began a lazy descent, paying customers gathered up their purchased gonfalons and made ready for the trip homeward. Surely, the stalwart tasked with patrolling the liberal side of the Second City outfield, Alfonso “40-40 Sori” Soriano, would welcome the pill in a leathery embrace, and the 27th out would be recorded—and thus, another notch in the accursed Chicagoans ledger.
But wait! Notice the tentative step, the anguished look, and the glove hand outstretched, not with confidence but in feeble defense. The halting Alphonse had lost visual contact. Helios had seized control of the affair! The same sol that had scorched the grandstand with its warming rays, resulting in the pulpy whiteness of the assembled Pirate Faithful turning an angry shade of pink, now blinded the unfortunate Bear Cub to the pill’s parabola.
The seemingly doe-eyed fly lifted from the ash of Nate “The Peroxide Pirate” McLouth suddenly grew fangs, and thoroughbreding his way around the infield was Brian Bixler, recently called up from Indianapolis and now making like the diamond was the famed Brickyard. When ball met grass, the BB gun had already shot past the hot corner. He easily tallied the tying touch of home dish, hitching matters at 5-apiece, and for the second contest running, bonus base ball loomed.
(Somehow, the Scoring Solomon adjudged this egregious display of gloved maladroitness to be a two-sacker for the Bleached One, rather than an E-7, rendering immediately illegitimate the Halfway-Home lashes from the likes of LaRoche and Lee.)
“It’s very tough when you don’t see the ball,” the Abashed Alfonso explained in a withering understatement. The Gods had made their presence felt, and for once, it was to the benefit of the Iron City Crew. Gazing down upon The Confluence from their bleacher seats upon Mt. Olympus, Zeus and Apollo, decked out in Bucs finery and washing down their Cracker Jack with ambrosia, hooted, “Get thee back to the keystone sack, sir!”
The BC Lion, Jason Bay, was the previous day’s hoagie, bringing a contest spanning fourteen innings to an abrupt halt with the winning whippet. Cue Punxsutawny Phil to emerge from his hole, for in a rerun of Saturday’s splendor, the Sabbath featured another skip away safety by the bountiful Bay. The Gentleman Masher plated Chris “Dirtbag” Gomez with a bingle in the eleventh innings, and the Burghers once again treated Chicago like Miss O’Leary’s cow, this time 6-5.
Prior to the sun-field shenanigans, appearances were that Luis “Muy Decepcionante” Rivas, of all flannelled figures, was to be the center of scribed attention. The puny utilityman had muscled balls over the planking only 31 times in his flaccid history, a “rate” of only once for every 63 strolls to the batting rectangle. In a development that would give Ripley pause, the suddenly hulking Rivas struck Long Socks in his first two trips to the plate, staking the Privateers to an early advantage with the first, and offsetting a Boulevard Blast from “What, Me Worry?” Al Soriano with the second.
But the day’s decisive blow seemed to have been landed upside the Pittsburgh brow, turning it crimson, by Aramis “Teen Sensation” Ramirez. The latter-day Santo completed the task begun by Derrek “Project 3000” Lee, bouncing one back through the box to bring the Lanky Lefty homeward, and punch Pirate pill-tosser Paul “Crystal Method” Maholm’s time clock for the day. The twirler who made the Borscht Belter look as foolish as he did during “City Slickers 2” performed admirably, hauling the mail for an octet of innings, but he was in position for a D when “40-40”’s mysterious outfield stylings removed the hook from his mouth.
Base ball, of course, is not only our Pastime, but our Passion. However, these two nines, when coupled here in the City of Bridges, take their love for the game to Don Juan-levels of ardor. In the half-dozen catered affairs thus held at PNC Park, a quartet have required surplus innings, and the assembled action has toted seventy innings in all. Now, every hour spent at the Elysian Field is one not spent toiling at life’s daily mill, so far be it for this reporter to knock overtime, but perhaps Messrs. Piniella and Russell would be so kind as to inform their charges that Mr. Doubleday ordained nine innings to be sufficient, and that sitting passively for nearly four hours is a recipe for tired blood. Otherwise, some fan or ink-stained wretch will surely succumb to heat stroke, or deep vein thrombosis, and that will be a dark day in the annals of the Clockless Sport indeed.
I used to wonder about the Washington State Little League motto: “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” Nothing about honesty and fair play? But now it makes perfect sense. And I used to think that the post-game handshake line wasn’t worth recording …
Washington state police are investigating a vicious sucker-punch caught on tape after a Little League baseball game. The incident occurred following a tournament game in Snohomish County over the weekend. As the teams were shaking hands after the game one player pulls back and strikes another in the face. The player who was hit and his family don’t want to be identified, but said he was given stitches at a nearby hospital after the incident.
Having lived in Seattle, I understand this incident perfectly. There are only about two weeks’ worth of clear skies there all year; you’ve been indoors for eight months, and by the time you finally get on the baseball field you’re so frustrated you just want to punch somebody.
By the way, be sure to check out the comments section here. My favorite: “Only a punk would throw a sucker punch. There are at least nine guys on a baseball team. At least nine people should have been beating the crap out of this kid.” — anonymous
Seriously, that’s what it is. The slogan, which doesn’t appear to have anything to do with any actual Charlotte Bobcats slogan, is “It’s The City.” Whatever that means.
Every true fan should have a Crown Victoria painted in the team colors, with the team logo and a nonsensical slogan. If you don’t have any of those things, well, shit, you just ain’t much of a real fan, are ya?
Please do not confuse Johan Alexander Santana Araque, pitcher for the Mets, with Ervin Ramon Santana, pitcher for the Angels. One is from Venezuela (chief exports: Petroleum, bauxite and aluminum) and one is from the Dominican Republic (predominant religion: Roman Catholicism). Unfortunately, we are well-supplied with Santanas on the east and west coasts, but there are none for the vast middle of our nation. Hopefully we can rectify that soon. On Tuesday, Ervin Santana threw a three-hitter as the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (California, U.S., planet Earth) took a 3-2 win over Detroit. Meanwhile, The Johan struck out seven over seven innings as the Mets garnered a much-needed 5-3 victory over Florida.
E. Santana shook off Miguel Cabrera’s two-run homer in the second, and the Angels won it on Gary Matthews Jr’s run-scoring single with two out in the ninth. Meanwhile, Willie Randolph lived to see another day as Fernando Tatis and Ramon Castro each had two run-scoring singles for New York, which won for the second time in nine games. But, can anyone tell me why they played in Baltimore?
• And If That’s Too Soon, You Can Make It A Minute-And-A-Huff. Oh what a night. Tuesday’s Yankees-Orioles game featured nine home runs, 12 pitchers and a 67-minute rain delay, which is always fun. It ended predictably, though, as Aubrey Huff doubled in the 11th to make it 9-9,, then scored the winning run on Alex Cintron’s single. Baltimore came back from deficits of 4-0 and 8-4, making steam shoot from Hank Steinbrenner’s ears steam in comical, cartoon-like fashion.
• Tim The Enchanter. In case you didn’t know, Tim Lincecum is 7-1, 3-0 over his past four starts, after getting the win in the Giants’s 6-3 victory over Arizona. Bengie Molina and Jose Castillo had homers for El Gigantes.
• . Sean Gallagher got the win and Aramis Ramirez and Kosuke Fukudome had run-scoring hits in a three-run seventh to lead the Cubs over the Dodgers 3-1. Hiroki Kuroda (2-4), who was Alfonso Soriano’s teammate with the Hiroshima Carp in 1997, took the loss, although he left witha 1-0 lead.
• Mets Geek Changes Name To Rays Geek. Hey wait, can they do that? Because their chosen team “sucks,” as they put it, popular New York Mets blog Mets Geek has changed its name to Rays Geek, and will now follow the Tampa Bay Rays. This has to be a first, doesn’t it? Peculiar, especially since they’ve decided to keep their old logo, Mr. Met.
• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Brian Roberts, Guillermo Quiroz, Baltimore Orioles. It’s common knowledge that Wizard Cat loves the 4-2-5 double play almost as much as he loves Little Friskies Seafood Sensations®. And all the better when it comes against A-Rod. And when it occurs with nobody out in the 11th? Just pure magic. Wizard Cat gives this play: Four wands.
Basketbawful has pulled out some 20-sided dice, a bag of chicken gizzards, and the Skull of Destiny to give you the inside skinny on tonight’s NBA playoff game. (And there’s one skinny thing that had better not be at the game…)
The only thing we really know about 
