Lakers reserve center Ronny Turiaf only plays 10 minutes a game, but as you can see by the video, the man babbles a good flibbidyfloo. And now we have a chance to Turiafify the vote on TNT’s website.
TNT is rhetorically asking who you [points menacingly] want to have their own dedicated camera on for the first quarter. Natch, Kobe Bryant is running away with the vote, but the Turiaf movement is underway. Sadly, it’s not going so well:
Here’s to hoping he can make up the ground, even though he probably won’t, especially because I didn’t exactly help. I voted for Rick Astley.
Keeping with the obliviousness-to-rules motif — hey, it makes us feel better about ourselves — Dallas Cowboys running back Marion Barber III, esq. has made a name for himself by stiff arming the defenders in the face. Apparently that’s always been a rule. But now the league will begin to clamp down on such reckless hand-face-pushery, and it’s since been given the nickname “The Marion Barber Rule.” And guess who didn’t know that wasn’t a rule?
Well, obviously Lou Diamond Phillips. That goes without saying, given that he doesn’t play football and such. But more to the point, Marion Barber himself was unaware:
“I didn’t even know. I’m going to have to read up on it. So you can’t stiff arm at all? What about the throat?”
Gotta love that response. Well, no face, you say? How about the throat. Kidneys, pressure points? Can I give the linebacker a charley horse as I run by? Purple nurples? No? Nothing of that sort?
Wanton disregard for the rules is one thing (Bill Belichick), but to simply be ignorant about what you can and can’t do … well, that’s just a little irresponsible. For example, I know there’s a sports blogger edict out there that you can’t have more then five puns in one post. But I know it’s not widely enforced, so oftentimes I push it to seven.
Hopefully you caught wind of Major League Baseball’s new directive to enforce rules that speed up the game, if from no other source, from Jim Leyland’s awesome rant. But apparently the Red Sox didn’t get the memo. Correction: they read it, they just didn’t read it.
Hey, c’mon, manager Terry Francona was busy!
“I should have [Friday],” Francona said when asked if he had told his team about the memo. “I got busy doing things, the first day of the series. We need to talk about the memo so everybody understands what is being asked of us. If something happens and the players don’t know … I need to do that.”
Because of this, hitting coach Dave Magadan was ejected Friday for arguing that J.D. Drew should have been given more time to apply rosin to his bat. Although I can understand the umpire’s perspective on this. Puttng rosin on one’s bat is something special and private between you and The Lord God.
The rules have always been there, the umpires are just being asked to be more of a phalanx of dicks about them. And how much time will it save? A few minutes? The people who think baseball is slow will continue to think that. I say just let Jim Leyland smoke his Marlboros and let J.D. Drew rosin up his wood.
Justin Duchschererwas joking around before his start against the Boston Red Sox: ‘’I said, ‘Those guys don’t want none of me today ‘cuz I’m going to pull a Lester on ‘em,'’ Duchscherer recalled with a grin. ‘’In the sixth inning, I was thinking, ‘Did I really say that before the game?’ '’ Yes, Justin. Yes you did. And you almost got away with it, until the seventh inning, when the Red Sox realized you didn’t have cancer, so they ruined your no-hitter. However, Boston’s lone hit wasn’t enough to score three runs, sadly, and Oakland went on to win 3-0.
That Seemed Excessive. In solidarity for their manager, who is now forced to speed things up and jog to the mound when talking with the pitcher, the Tigers decided to play three games in a nine-inning span, scoring enough runs to feed eight families. Their 19 runs were all scored by the fifth inning, at which point the starters began getting pulled, such as The Big Tilde, Magglio Ordoñez, who went 3-for-3 with two home runs and six RBI. Seriously, people. Tilde power is a clean, renewable source of energy, and it’s just sitting there being unused in today’s society.
Now He Doesn’t Seem So Fire-able. Willie Randolph and the Mets won 9-2. Now they don’t hate him so much. Or maybe they’re just trying to keep it together now that they know Gary Carter wants his job. Mets outfielder Nick Evans went 3-for-4 with two doubles and two RBI in his big time debut, and Claudio Vargas won his first of the year.
That’s One Way To Speed Up The Game. Steve Trachsel’s starting. This is a perfect time to finish War and Peace, normally. But Tampa Bay had none of his time wasting, and he couldn’t get out of the second inning, getting stung for nine runs and tossing up home runs balls in each of the first two innings, both courtesy of Evan Longoria, who finished with 6 RBI on the day. Tampa won 11-4.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who’s hoping that Spring will eventually come to Chicago. Not that 40-degree weather isn’t fun…in, like, December. When he’s not hating the hell out of the Midwestern weather, he can be found doing a sunshine danceatBasketbawful. Enjoy!
There’s no place like road. It wasn’t Beantown, but the Motor City sure felt like home to the Boston Celtics last night. The Leprechauns clamped down on D and broke their road jinx with a 94-80 win over the Jekyll-and-Hyde Pistons. And all it took was 17 (mostly) live goats, several young (sort of) virgins, and a gross of puppy dog tails (a couple of which were actually cat tails, I think). Ah, that good old Celtic magic.
Kevin Garnett (22 points, 13 rebounds, 6 assists) played the role of high priest, and role players like Kendrick Perkins (12 points, 10 rebounds), Rajon Rondo (14 points, 4 assists) and James Posey (12 points, 4 rebounds) were his faithful acolytes. Huh. Not sure what that makes Ray Allen (14 points, 5-for-16, 6 assists) or Paul Pierce (11 points, 4 rebounds, 5 turnovers). Maybe I should have skipped the magic analogy, or used Harry Potter references again.
Anyway, it wasn’t about Boston’s individual performances. It was about their defense. They held the Pistons to 38 percent shooting - including 1-for-13 from downtown - and outrebounded them 44-28. Rip Hamilton scored 26 points, but he was only 8-for-18 from the field. Chauncey Billups (6 points, 1-for-6, 4 assists) played like his hamstring was missing. Tayshaun Prince (4 points, 2-for-11, 4 rebounds) played like he was keeping Chauncey’s hamstring company. And Rasheed Wallace eventually fouled out after a frustrating night of trying to keep up with KG.
Still, all that being said, the Pistons cut a 20-point Boston lead down to only nine with about three minutes left, thanks mostly to the fact that the Celtics went into the NBA-equivalent of the prevent defense: Walking the ball up the court, trying to waste time, putting up rushed shots before the shot clock could expire. In short, playing not to lose their lead instead of trying to extend it. Which is stupid, and ugly to watch, but I guess it worked.
And Doc Rivers was totally underwhelmed. “I think our guys just assumed we would eventually win on the road.” If you say so, Doc. And on the other end of the spectrum, Flip Saunders is all life or death. “They got home court back. [The next game] is a crucial game for us - the biggest of the year.”
Here’s to hoping he can make up the ground, even though he probably won’t, especially because I didn’t exactly help. I voted for Rick Astley. 
Keeping with the obliviousness-to-rules motif — hey, it makes us feel better about ourselves — 
Hopefully you caught wind of Major League Baseball’s new directive to enforce rules that speed up the game, if from no other source, from 
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