Ah, sweet Tuesday…still 20 percent better than Monday. Basketbawful is here to help you celebrate that fact and disentagle all those thoughts you thought you had about tonight’s Cavs-Celtics game.
Cleveland versus Boston: Game 1
LeBron James. The King shut up his critics — which consisted mostly of DeShawn Stevenson and the rest of the Wizards — by crushing his first-round foes under his royal boot. The Wiz did their best to rough him up and beat him down, but he still averaged a near triple-double (29.8 PPG, 9.5 RPG, 7.7 APG). Can LeBron pull the sword from the stone against Boston? (Yeah, probably.)
The Boston defense. The league’s best regular season defense struggled, at times, to contain Joe Johnson and Josh Smith. Now they have to try and contain LeBron. Yeah. Good luck with that, guys. My suggestion would be stop everybody but LeBron. Even if he goes off for 50, the Celtics would still win, like, 98-57.
The LeBronnaires. Look, no man, no two men, no army of men or the undead can stop LeBron James. The question is…who else is going to step up for the Cavs? Zydrunas Ilgauskas? Wally Szczerbiak? Delonte West? Boobie? It’s gotta be one of those guys or nobody. My best guess? Nobody. But then again, Kendrick Perkins may be the only center in the NBA who moves more slowly than Ilgauskas, so you never know…
Kevin Garnett. He’s filling up with so much kinetic energy that he has officially become the first player since Alonzo Mourning in 2006 that I think might actually explode during a game. It’s called spontaneous human combustion, people, and it happens, okay? That’s science fact. Personally, I hope KG survives his own personal Chernobyl. Barring that, I can only hope one of the Boston fans saves me a piece.
Cockiness. The worst damage inflicted on the Celtics by the Hawks was Boston’s newfound vulnerability…be it real or perceived. As Cleveland’s Devin Brown put it: “They kind of had that arrogance about them all season by winning so many games that you were kind of not wanting to face them. But after seeing what we saw, I think we’re ready to go.” Unless I’m wrong - and I’m never wrong - that quote is on a bulletin board in the Boston locker room right now. Right next to a post-it note asking the question “Now who’s Devin Brown again?”
Paul Pierce versus LeBron. With all due respect to DeShawn Stevenson, the King’s first-round rival didn’t really stand much of a chance. He can take on a fancy nickname and grow a mangy beard, but that doesn’t make him not DeShawn Stevenson, you know? But LeBron’s second-round rival…now, he’s on a little more equal footing. What? You didn’t know the Pierce and James were rivals? Oh hells to the yes. There’s some serious history there. Now let’s hope that Truth can do more than just deliver hard fouls and trash talk.
Lookin’ over the shoulder. Barring the unforseen, the Pistons are going to make relatively short work of the Magic. (How’s that for a reverse stat curse?) So, in theory, whoever is left standing after the Cavs-Celts series would be at a tactical disadvantage if it went six or seven games, right? Both teams are going to want to finish this soon. And you know Cleveland is going to go balls-out to steal this first game in Boston.
Anderson Varejao. What can I say? Stuff like this cracks me up. I think it’s the hair.
One of John Challis’ final wishes was to get to bat in a high school baseball game. Challis, an 18-year-old senior at Freedom High School in Pennsylvania, is dying of cancer. Doctors say he might have as little as two months to live. But on April 14 he got his wish; getting an at-bat in a league game. And despite barely being able to run due to the effects of the disease, Challis got a single, and made it to first. Opposing players all take off their gloves and give him an ovation. And if that little story lifted your spirits in any way; made you a little less cynical or cranky or worn, well, he’ll take it.
Yeah, Challis’ story is one of courage, sadness, inspiration, hope, all of that. But to fully wrap your mind around it, you’re just going to have to read it for yourself. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette is following his story, and ran this amazing piece by Mike White on Sunday. If you do nothing else today, please take a look. This is one amazing kid.
All of Aliquippa’s baseball players wear John’s jersey number “11″ on their hats. At the walk-a-thon, Aliquippa star athlete Jonathan Baldwin, a Pitt football recruit, presented him with a ball signed by Pitt players. After the walk, John addressed the crowd. “He spoke from his heart,” Mr. Wetzel, the coach, said. “He said, ‘I’ve got two options. I know I’m going to die, so I can either sit at home and feel sorry, or I could spread my message to everybody to live life to the fullest and help those in need.’ After hearing that, I don’t know if there were many people not crying.”
His story touched me, and maybe it will do the same for you. But I’m not going to bore you further with my take on this; better that you hear it from him.
“I used to be afraid, but I’m not afraid of dying now, if that’s what you want to know,” he said. “Because life ain’t about how many breaths you take. It’s what you do with those breaths.”
We are but a mere two weeks from the NBA Draft Lottery, in which we discover what poor budding NBA superstar is shuttled off to Madison Square Garden. If you can’t wait to see what happens, or if you just don’t find the shuffling of ping-pong balls as thrilling as perhaps you should, worry not. Now you can bet on it.
We suppose an event that relies entirely on mathematics would inevitably be wagered on, but it still seems odd.
What would be really funny would be if any of these odds changed. We’d have to assume that someone maxed them out, and The Greek didn’t want to put themselves at too much risk on a silly prop. I’d like to interview anyone who actually bets significant money on these, and figure out what their reasoning is.
As mentioned, if you bet on this, you probably have a gambling problem. Not that you didn’t know that, and are betting anyway.
We love reminders of just how old we really are. Newsweek informed us that it has been 10 years since “Seinfeld” went off the hair air, which is just jaw-dropping, when you think about it. But that’s nothing like Friends Of The Program’s revelation: It has been 10 years since Kerry Wood’s 20-strikeout game against the Astros.
We were already out of college by then — as we said, we’re quite old — but we, like everybody within shouting distance of a television, sat rapt while watching perhaps the greatest pitching performance ever. We can’t imagine anyone ever improving on that. Twenty strikeouts? One (questionable) hit? No walks? Come on.
Even as a Cardinals fan, we find it a shame what happened to Wood; at this time, after this game, he seemed like Roger Clemens reborn, ornery, inflamed, terrifying. If the Cubs ever do make a World Series, it would seem fitting that Wood might be the guy to close out and send them there. Like that will ever happen of course.
Here’s the highlight video, complete with old-school ESPN graphics:
It’s tough for most of us to watch those “Miracle of Life” shows where they give you the full access to what it’s really like to watch someone have a baby. After viewing it, you soon realize that even the most gruesome horror movies showing a screeching alien ejecting itself out of a person’s stomach are, in fact, less gory than an actual child birth. Alex Rodriguez knows this. And according to Yankees blogger and beat writer Peter Abraham, Alex Rodriguez fears this. And thanks to this transcript from tomorrow night’s “YESterdays” show on the YES network featuring A-Rod, we find out that, according to Cynthia Rodriguez, the Yankees third baseman acts just like many people would probably suspect. Let the emasculation party begin:
As tough and big as he seems, he is real wimpy around doctors or any type of medical situation. I don’t know why I thought the birth of our child would be different. In the middle of the night, I realized that I needed to go to the hospital. I wake him up. The first thing that comes out of his mouth, ‘Can we call your mother?’ And I started, ‘No. Let’s wait and make sure that I am in labor, and make sure that, you know, it’s the middle of the night.’ And go to the hospital and everything. And finally, a few hours later, I said, ‘I think you can call my mom now.’
“Uh, and the color came back to his face when I told him he could call my mom. And then forget it. I was like not even having a baby; he was the one. The one nurse had a cold cloth on his head. The other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm. And my mother was like rubbing his back. And he is passed out on a couch. And I am there, in the middle of labor. And really, I am not being paid much attention to besides the doctor and a couple of nurses. And he is there moaning. In between pushing, I am going, ‘Honey, are you OK?’ And are you breathing? Are you OK?’ “
We’re looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko. Here’s Free Darko’s look at the Boston Celtics-Cleveland Cavaliers series. Your author is Dr. Lawyer IndianChief.
I’m sorry Cleveland, but you guys have got to have the least threatening, least homecourt-advantage-giving playoff crowd in this entire field of 16. Yes, I know San Antonio didn’t even fill its arena for some of its first round games, and yeah, I know Toronto and Orlando don’t exactly bring the noise, but still, you guys take last. It’s not your fault; trust me I know. You guys have had to tiptoe around LeBron ever since he denied signing the max contract, not to mention the fact that Cleveland sports fans in general constantly have to hold their collective breath given years of spurning by the Browns, Indians, and Ehlos. Nonetheless, in a toss-up series, home court advantage might just make the difference, and it’s going clearly in Boston’s favor.
Now that’s not to say I don’t have a beef with you, Boston fans. Your obnoxiousness has permeated sport culture so thoroughly over the past five years that it’s overwhelmingly trite to even diss you. And hell, Mike Bibby already (properly) played the bandwagon card, so I’ve got nothing else to say. As far as the Celtics themselves, congrats guys, I loved all the jersey-popping and bench-stomping and chest-thumping in game 7, after you finally beat the Hawks in the last game of the series. Kevin Garnett is so intense. Veteran experience is so important. The holy spirit of Dave Cowens has entered the building. The Celtics love playing with each other. Wake me up when the talking heads are just heads.
The conventional wisdom is that the competitiveness of the Eastern Conference playoffs reflects the fact that the East wasn’t really the sucker conference after all. On the contrary, the Hawks/Celtics and Wiz/Cavs series more likely showed that no one in the East could go for the kill. Ugh. So, now we get to the prime time stage of the NBA’s B-Squad tournament, and it’s Ubuntu vs. The Man.
Getting my prediction out of the way, I’m rolling with the Celtics, but I’m gonna put out there a 12% chance of LeBron winning the whole damn thing by himself. LeBron right now is Harry Truman meets Suge Knight. A dangerous nerd capable of destroying your lofty hopes, but a guy whom people still make fun of behind his back. And the Celtics won’t respect him like the Wizards did. You see, the only reason the Wiz had a puncher’s chance in that series is that they treated LBJ like MJ. They beat him up, they triple-teamed him, they trash-talked him non-stop, they let Wally Szczerbiak go for 26, they left Delonte West wide open for a game-winner. In other words, they treated LeBron like he was the only guy on the team that mattered, which is pretty darn close to the truth.
Now the Celtics, as opposed to the Wizards, have this aura of foolish pride that is going to likely inspire them to put Pierce on ‘Bron in single coverage, which — as good of a defender as Pierce is — is going to be a handful. Maybe Doc Rivers can prove me wrong. Maybe he’ll wise up and give ‘Bron the Joe Johnson game 7 treatment. Maybe Tony Allen will finally get his proper burn, and maybe James Posey, the Celtics’ MVPP (Most Valuable Player in the Playoffs), will get the LeBron assignment (and while we’re at it, if Posey starts manning up James, can we get an over/under on how many times the term “length” is used?). But Doc hasn’t proven anything yet this entire season, and I give him four games before he can figure out the proper way to guard Bronzino.
What I want to know is whether or not LeBron can get mean. LeBron never really could muster a cool response to the Wizards’ prodding of him. Brendan Haywood’s infantilizing mimicry of LeBron was hilarious as was DeShawn Stevenson’s persistent wet-willying. Dude even let Papa John punk him. And yeah, the Cavaliers ended up winning the series and everyone was talking about how LeBron “spoke with his game” instead of verbally sparring with those plebeian Wizards. Eff. That. LeBron is never going to subvert his robotic/platonic image by actually SAYING anything at all that is more than a cliché or a carefully scripted “I’m above all that” cop-out non-response.
If LeBron can unleash some authentic from-the-soul wrath, he can overcome the dung-storm that the Boston crowd is gonna rain on him. Otherwise, it’s curtains for the Cavaliers and another sad summer of speculation from Cleveland fans about LeBron’s allegiances, his supporting cast, etc. Let’s just say it — now that KG is paired up with Piru Love and Jesus Shuttlesworth, we can safely say that ‘Bron is the superstar that has endured the worst supporting casts of all time. When your Pippen-of-the-month has been downgraded to Joe Smith, your chances of a title are slim. Let’s hope ‘Bron can take things personal, fire himself up and make things interesting.
Twelve-year-old David Witthoft wore a red Nike shirt to school on April 24. It’s significant because on each of the previous 1,581 days, Witthoft wore the Brett Favre jersey he received as a gift for Christmas 2003 when he was just 7.
“His last day wearing the jersey was April 23, which was his 12th birthday,” Chuck Witthoft, David’s father, said from their Ridgefield, Conn., home on Monday. “It was tough for him for awhile but now that he’s 12, he is a little more concerned about his appearance. And the jersey barely came down to his beltline.”
Plus, you know, now he has to make room in his closet for that Favre Bears jersey that he’s gonna need in a month or so.
Yeah, well don’t get too smug, Tigers’ fans. Considering that you started the season 0-7, and you couldn’t beat a wildly off-target Daisuke Matsuzaka on Monday, losing 6-3 — your fourth straight loss — I wouldn’t be mocking the Lions too loudly. It may not be long before your fans are wearing paper bags on their heads. But I kid Tigers’ fans. Um, Fire Millen?
Daisuke-K (5-0) surrendered eight of Boston’s 10 walks, but Mike Lowell (!), Kevin Youkilis and David Ortiz all hit homers for the Stockings, who won their fourth straight. From AP: “Matsuzaka had coldlike symptoms throughout the day and didn’t feel good.” Awww … get out there and pitch, mama’s boy. But I kid Dice-K, who lasted five innings, with Dancin’ Jonathan Papelbon pitching the ninth for his 10th save in 10 chances. By the way, thanks for the photo, Sox and Dawgs.
• Rock On. Which Santana is better? The Angels’ Ervin (6-0) or the Mets’ Johan ($137.5 million through 2013)? Discuss. Quiz: Which one was born in Venezuela, and which was born in the Dominican?
• While On The Subject Of The Mets … Matt Kemp — he’s the NL Player of the Week, you know — had a home run to lead off the game as the Dodgers beat Oliver Perez and the Mets, 5-1. That’s nine wins in 10 games for Torre’s squad.
• In Case Of Fire, Use Stairs. Well, that didn’t improve Ozzie Guillen’s mood any. Matt Stairs’ home run was the only meaningful offense in Toronto’s 1-0 win over the White Sox, which featured a great pitching duel between Dustin McGowan and Javier Vazquez. Toronto closer B.J. Ryan walked the bases loaded in the ninth, but Pablo Ozuna grounded into a 1-2-3 double play to end the game.
• Go To Bed Old Man! One day after being mocked by this writer as being old enough to have fought the Nazis alongside Indiana Jones, Jamie Moyer threw my words back into my face, outpitching Arizona’s Max Scherzer in an 11-4 Phillies victory. Moyer, making the 558th start of his career, went seven innings. Although with 11 runs, I could have lasted five. Moyer also doubled.
• Eric The Half-A-Bee. Larry Brown Sports makes the case against the Brewers sticking with Eric Gagne as their closer. Making the case for Gagne will be the actual Larry Brown.
Ah, sweet Tuesday…still 20 percent better than Monday. Basketbawful is here to help you celebrate that fact and disentagle all those thoughts you thought you had about tonight’s Cavs-Celtics game.
We are but a mere two weeks from the 
We love reminders of just how old we really are. Newsweek informed us that it has been 10 years since “Seinfeld” went off the 
We’re looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko. Here’s Free Darko’s look at the Boston Celtics-Cleveland Cavaliers series. Your author is Dr. Lawyer IndianChief.
Remember that kid who wore his 
Yeah, well don’t get too smug, Tigers’ fans. Considering that you started the season 0-7, and you couldn’t beat a wildly off-target Daisuke Matsuzaka on Monday, losing 6-3 — your fourth straight loss — I wouldn’t be mocking the Lions too loudly. It may not be long before your fans are wearing paper bags on their heads. But I kid Tigers’ fans. Um, Fire Millen?