Archive for May 5th, 2008
Continue Reading May 5th, 2008
It’s just another manic Monday, but never fear, Basketbawful is here…to once again tell you the only things you need to know about tonight’s NBA playoff games. I’m not just doing this for you, though. I’m doing it for my country.
Orlando versus Detroit: Game 2
En Guard! Orlando’s backcourt combo of Jameer Nelson and Maurice Evans got cooked in a big pot of boiling water and eaten alive by their Piston counterparts in Game 1. But paraphernalia aside, those guys really do need to play better in Game 2 — and the rest of the series — or the Magic won’t be able to even keep things competitive.
“Super”man. Dwight Howard had a Dazzler-like performance in Game 1 (12 points, 8 rebounds), and he injured his left thumb going for a rebound in the third quarter. I’m not saying he has to have another 20-20 game, but he needs to turn the paint into his own exclusive province or the Magic won’t be able to even keep things competitive.
Three-point shooting. The Magic live by the three and get horribly mutilated by the three. Game 1 was one of the horrible mutilations, as Orlando shot 2-for-15. Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turkoglu need to find their range from distance or the Magic won’t be able…you see where I’m going with this?
Rasheed Wallace. All the fun stuff aside, ‘Sheed has to guard Howard. It’s a big job, but he can definitely be the Bizarro to Dwight’s Superman.
Detroit Pistons: Can they stay awake for an entire series? The world may never know.
Trash talk. Oooo, sweet! Now that the Wizards-Cavaliers series is over, Magic-Pistons is the new hot spot for verbal diarrhea. In Game 1, Rashard Lewis dropped Theo Ratliff with a hard foul. Jason Maxiell tried to defend Ratliff, but Theo didn’t want any of that. “There’s no sense in guys coming to my rescue. I mean, that was Rashard Lewis. He’s a 3 man.” When he heard about that, Lewis fired back. “You can have a lot of energy in five minutes a game. What’s he played? 15 games? Tell him to come out and guard me.”
It didn’t end there. Maxiell also gave a Cobra Kai speech about how the Pistons had put the clamps on Howard. “He has a very strong upper body. But if you get down low and take his legs out, he’s not that powerful.” If a man can’t stand, he can’t fight, right? Dwight respectfully disagrees. “That’s not true. Trust me.”
Ratliff then launched another volley. “They’re a finesse team. They’re a 3-point shooting team.” This freaked Jameer Nelson out. “Who? Who?” Nelson asked mockingly when Ratliff’s comments got back to him. “I’m getting sick and tired of people calling us soft.”
I’m thinking there are going to be fireworks in Game 2…
San Antonio versus New Orleans: Game 2
Tim Duncan. Smell that? No, it’s not dookie. It’s Timmy’s performance in Game 1: 5 points, 1-for-9 shooting, and 3 rebounds. It was about as bad as Tim Duncan has ever performed in the playoffs. It kind of reminded me of Game 1 of the 1985 NBA Finals, when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar got destroyed by Robert Parish and the Lakers got massacred by the Celtics, 148-114. But in Game 2, Cap came back with 30 points, 17 rebounds, 3 blocked shots and 8 assists in a 109-102 Lakers victory. Never underestimate the heart of a champion, my friends. Timmy’s gonna come back gangbusters.
Tyson Chandler. He played great (10 points, 15 rebounds, 3 blocks) and really put Timmy in a corner. The Hornets are going to need more of the same and then some.
Bruce Bowen. Some people say that a playoff series doesn’t really start until a home team loses a game. When the Spurs are involved, a series doesn’t start until Bowen cheap-shots somebody. So, yeah, this series has officially started. I’m calling an eye gouge in this game.
David West. He was A Man in Game 1: 30 points, 13-for-23, 9 rebounds. I’m guessing Gregg Popovich will have devised a few West-stopping schemes over the last couple days. Will we see Duncan on West? Hmmm. Speaking of which Scar Face…
Gregg Popovich versus Byron Scott. Pop makes fantastic game-to-game adjustments. Scott’s the Coach of the Year. Who will outcoach whom? (Here’s my answer: The Hornets better hope it doesn’t come down to coaching.)
Father Time. TP looks good, Many looks good, and Timmy’s going to come back strong. But the rest of the Spurs, well, damn they look old. Ancient. Superannuated, even. Michael Finley, Kurt Thomas, Robert Horry…those guys looked like they were playing Game 1 with a foot or two in the grave.
The New Orleans bench. They scored 14 of the Hornets’ 101 points in the first game. That puts a lot of pressure on the starts to produce, doesn’t it? And did I mention their “bench” is Jannero Pargo and Bonzi Wells, period?
Continue Reading May 5th, 2008
Nowhere in the recorded history of regret has there been a more hang-dog expression than this. Hasn’t Roger Clemens suffered enough? Just look at him. The round head that reminds you of the boulder that chased Indiana Jones. The pale skin that reminds you of the moon. The furrowed brow where he keeps extra folding money. On Sunday Clemens came hat in hand to the Houston Chronicle and apologized … for what I have no idea.
He admitted to no specific wrongdoing. See for yourself:
“I know that many people want to know what I have to say about the recent articles in the media. Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say that I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry. I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans. Like everyone, I have flaws. I have sometimes made choices which have not been right.”
Never has the non-apology apology been so artfully crafted. That’s some fancy pitching right there. He’s still got it, folks.
Elsewhere in the Kingdom of Remorse:
• The beard stubble and sailor’s tattoos should have been a clue. Sorry. — Ronaldo
• Sorry I will soon make you forget about Erin Andrews — Samantha Steele (via SportsbyBrooks)
• Sorry I will soon make you forget about Allison Stokke. — Jessica Gysin
• Sorry about the crybaby shirts. Please stop calling in phony orders. — Papa Johns
• Sorry for faking The Big One one too many times, ‘Lizbeth. — An actor
Clemens Regrets Personal ‘Mistakes’ [Houston Chronicle]
Continue Reading May 5th, 2008
We know that Miguel Tejada is supposed to be Public Enemy Number Uno these days — “E-60″ certainly thinks so — but he had his Superhero moment this weekend, hitting a home run he’d promised to a kid with muscular dystrophy.
When Miguel Tejada met 8-year-old Jacob Scott on Friday, he was so touched by the little boy with muscular dystrophy he promised him a home run. Tejada fulfilled his vow to the youngster by hitting the first of three straight Houston home runs in a 7-4 win over the Milwaukee Brewers. The Astros hit five homers in the game.
“I was so excited,” said Tejada, who’d never promised a home run before. “I know it’s hard to tell someone you’ll hit a home run and do it. But today when I went to lunch with this kid I wanted him to be happy. So I told him I’d do it.”
We would like to see Tom Farrey interview Tejada afterwards. “Isn’t it true that you actually promised him a ball over the left field wall, rather than over the right? Mr. Tejada? Mr. Tejada? Where are you going?”
Miguel Tejada Gets His Babe Ruth On [MachoChip]
ESPN Plays To Catch A Predator [Deadspin]
Continue Reading May 5th, 2008
Last week was another rough one for once-destined Hall of Fame pitcher Roger Clemens, as the New York Daily News trotted out a harem of women with whom he’d allegedly had some steamy relations with, much to the chagrin of his HGH-injecting wife and many Texas political figures.
Clemens acknowledged those reports and was surprisingly contrite about some of the allegations:
“I know that many people want to know what I have to say about the recent articles in the media. Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say that I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry. I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans. Like everyone, I have flaws. I have sometimes made choices which have not been right.”
But he wants you to know that, regardless of some of his tomcatting missteps in the past, it doesn’t mean he cheated on baseball — or had sex with a 15-year-old country singer.:
“I believe my personal life has nothing to do with the accusations of steroid and HGH use.[N]ow, I have been accused of having an improper relationship with a 15-year-old girl. Nothing could be further from the truth. This relationship has been twisted and distorted far beyond reality. It is just one of many, many accusations that are utterly false”
See? Image restored.
Clemens Apologizes For ‘Mistakes’ [ABC News]
Continue Reading May 5th, 2008
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is eagerly awaiting the Hawks-Celtics game. When he’s not stenciling a green shamrock on his butt cheeks, he can be found holding Damon Wayans hostage at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
Bird droppings. It’s finally official: There will be no first round upset of the Boston Celtics. And after yesterday’s 99-65 spit-roasting, there’s barely enough left of the upstart Hawks to fill a doggy bag.
Atlanta shot 29 percent from the field, scored only 26 points in the first half and had more turnovers (16) than assists (11). Other than Joe Johnson (16 points, 5-for-17), no other Hawks starter reached double-figures: Al Horford (8 points, 3-for-12), Marvin Williams (7 points, 3-for-11), Josh Smith (7 points, 3-for-11) and Mike Bibby (2 points, 1-for-3) must have gotten a little Celtic Pride in their eyes before the game. Their most accurate play of the night was when Williams clotheslined Rajon Rondo.
Boston, meanwhile, just took care of their business. Paul Pierce scored a game-high 22 points and grabbed 8 rebounds, Kevin Garnett added 18 points, 11 rebounds and a ball-busting backcourt screen on his good buddy Zaza Pachulia, and the Celtics built a lead so insurmountable that Eddie House and Big Baby Davis played almost the entire fourth quarter. Human victory cigar, anyone?
In the end, the result of the game came down to this: For all the hustle and heart they showed in Atlanta, the Hawks simply couldn’t match the Celtics’ in Boston. And their coach knew it. Mike Woodson said: “I wish we could have played all of our games in Atlanta. Nobody thought we had an opportunity to even win a game in this series. We battled them right to the end. We just didn’t have it today.”
They sure didn’t. The Hawks looked de-energized and even intimidated. They weren’t as physical on defense and they weren’t nearly as aggressive in taking the ball to the hoop. Maybe it was KG’s menacing gestures, or maybe they’re just afraid of leprechauns…I know I am. Still, they shocked the Celtics and the world, and everybody in an Atlanta uniform should be proud. They have something special to build on for next season.
But they’re still the Hawks, so they probably won’t.
Somebody get a fresh coat of paint. Because the Lakers wore the hell out of the freethrow line yesterday. L.A. attempted 46 foul shots in all — 19 of which came in the fourth quarter — and Kobe Bryant hit a franchise playoff-record 21 (out of 23) in the Lakers’ 109-98 Game 1 win over the Utah Jazz. And while you’re looking for that paint, somebody better check the referees for whistle-lash.
Even Phil Jackson was amazed at the number of free throw attempts, especially Kobe’s. “It’s an incredible night to have 23 foul shots. I know that Utah’s not going to be happy about it. We’ll probably see about half that in the next game, if not less. So for him to do that, it was our biggest scoring threat of the night right there.”
Mamba finished the game with 38 points, and got some able backup from Pau Gasol (18 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists), Lamar Odom (16 points, 9 rebounds) and Sasha Vujacic (career playoff-high 15 points). Heck, even little old Derek Fisher chipped in with a career playoff-best 6 steals.
The Utah players looked a little gassed from Friday’s series-clinching win over the Houston Rockets. They shot poorly from the field (38 percent) and from beyond the arc (4-for-19), committed several costly turnovers, and seemed unable to stay in front of their men…which lead to foul after foul after foul. Still, it wasn’t all doom and gloom for the Jazz. Mehmet Okur had 21 points and 19 rebounds, Deron Williams almost had a triple-double (14 points, 9 rebounds, 9 assists) and Carlos Boozer had a double-double (15 points, 14 rebounds). They also crashed the offensive boards (25) and had six players in double figures.
So if Utah can just hit some outside shots, play better defense and keep Kobe off the line, they have a pretty good chance of competing in this series.
