Forgive us a little bit of that “favoritism” that so brands the blog world such a dangerous place … but we’re pretty freaking excited about the Cubs-Cardinals series this weekend.
For years, we have dreamed of a Cardinals-Cubs playoff series. It would be like the Red Sox-Yankees, except everyone would be nicer to each other. The Cardinals-Cubs rivalry is our favorite because it’s fierce but good-natured; both team’s fans desperately want the others’ to lose, and suffer, but it’s nothing personal. We’re all very Midwestern that way.
The Cardinals are a half-game up on the Cubs in the NL Central, and though it’s early May, and it’s difficult to argue that the Cubs aren’t ultimately the better team, it’s still inspiring to dream of a season-long pennant chase. In this 100th year since the Cubs won the World Series, it would have a certain poetry to see the two teams in the NLCS, battling out to decide history. It’s not gonna happen, but dammit: We can dream.
Anyway, in case you were wondering what we were up to this weekend. Because of course you were.
When the day finally comes that Lou Piniella explodes like Port Chicago — oh, and he will — who will step in for the Cubs? How about Ryne Sandberg? The Hall of Famer, now manager of the Class A Peoria Chiefs, will try out the manager’s chair when he returns to Wrigley Field on July 29; his team taking on the Kane County Cougars in a Midwest League game. It’s believed to be the first minor league game ever to be played at Wrigley.
‘’I think it will be very cool,'’ Sandberg said. ‘’It’s probably a chance of a lifetime for some of these players to come to here and actually play a game at Wrigley Field. I can’t imagine what that will be like for them. I’m excited about it and I know the fans will have some fun with the game. It’s bringing minor-league baseball to Wrigley for one night.'’
So this is kind of a big deal; like when the Bad News Bears played in the Astrodome. I’ll be interested to see what kind of attendance this draws. I had jokes all ready to go about how playing a minor league game at Wrigley would be redundant, but the Cubs are in first place, so I threw them out. Dammit. Instead, once again enjoy this fat guy stuck in the outfield screen.
Basketbawful is here to once again tell you the only things you need to know about tonight’s NBA playoff games. Remember: Tips are not required, but they are appreciated.
Cleveland versus Washington: Game 6
LeBron James. He’s been the target of the Wizards’ arms, elbows, fists, knees, pinky fingers, big toes, and kitchen sinks all series long. And I’m pretty sure I saw Darius Songaila jam a shuriken into LeBron’s meaty flank in Game 5. King James has taken so many hits, he’s started talking in third person (said LeBron: “They want to hurt Lebron James in this series.”). But he’s a fierce competitor, not to mention one of the best basketball players in the universe. Think he’s going to just forget Caron Butler’s trash talk before he missed the shot that would have won Game 5? Me neither. He’s going to rain fire in Game 6.
Everybody on the Cavs not named “LeBron.” Are any of the King’s men going to step up? Anybody? Hello…?
The Wizards’ pie holes. Apparently, Washington co-captains Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison presented their team with a “shut the hell up” edict. Said Jamison: “We just said, ‘It’s time to stop all the talking.’ A lot of guys were trying to defend themselves as far as this and that. But it wasn’t working. We said: ‘The ultimate changearound is for us to just be quiet and find a way to come back from 3-1 and win the series.’ I think they finally got it.” Awwww…that’s boring. And about as natural to the Wizards as a “no breathing” rule.
Gilbert Arenas: He’s out for the rest of the playoffs. But I’m sure you’ll still get to see him on the bench, squirming and worrying about his sinking free agent value.
Eddie Jordan’s verbal gymnastics. The Washington coach probably sprained his tongue while trying to explain Darius Songaila’s post-foul sucker punch in Game 5. “I stand my ground. I thought he got tangled up with LeBron, and LeBron tried to get untangled. And in his method of trying to get untangled, Darius’ arm just flew at his chin.” In other news, toxic sludge is good for you! And it tastes great on a cracker!
Caron Butler. He won Game 5 with a layup and by getting into LeBron’s head. Now it seems he’s the Wizards’ version of LeBron James. Said Zydrunas Ilgauskas: “We believe he can win this series for them - that’s how dangerous he is.” Wow. No kidding? Maybe we’ll see some “Caron Rules” in Game 6.
Road cookin’. The Celtics entered the playoffs as championship favorites. Losing two games to the Hawks has changed all that. Plucking the dirty birds in Atlanta and putting an end to this farce would sure help them get a little momentum back.
Kevin Garnett. Can you hear that? It’s the “Maybe KG really can’t win the big one” whispers. I know it’s hard to hear over the “T-Mac’s never gonna get out of the first round” screams. It would sure make Celtic fans and Garnett’s defenders feel better if he imposed his will on this game, wouldn’t it?
Al Horford. He’s been playing out of his mind. And now he’s got the Rookie of the Year snub to motivate him. Look out.
Paul Pierce. Rumor has it he’s going to use a non-menacing hand gesture in Game 6 to apologize for his use of a menacing hand gesture in Game 3. And just in case you’re worried about a West Side Story-style rumble, don’t worry. Said Pierce: “I 100 percent do not in any way promote gang violence or anything close to it.” I guess almost getting stabbed to death outside a bar will make you a non-fan of violence.
Joe Johnson. Regarding Game 6, Joe Cool said: “We’re very confident.” And why not? Joe practically beat Boston singlehandedly in Game 4. Then again, the Celtics put the clamps on him in Game 5. I’m betting he has a few bullets left in the chamber.
Mike Bibby. Am I the only one who’s enjoying watching him suck? I can’t be.
Houston versus Utah: Game 6
Home cookin’. The Jazz have lost only five games at home this season. Two of those losses were served up by the Rockets. What do they know that the rest of the league doesn’t? What Yao Ming looks like naked, that’s what. How has that been helping them? Best not to ask some questions.
Tracy McGrady. Following his career feels like a death watch.
The paint. The goal for the Jazz in Game 6: Few jumpers, more layups. As Andrei Kirilenko put it: “Let’s get inside,” Kirilenko said. “We’ve never been like such a great team from the 3. We’ve always been successful from the paint.” True enough. And speaking of Andrei…
Andrei Kirilenko. He’s just so…sugary. Not to mention a real pansy in a pillow fight.
Rafer Alston. Has anybody noticed how much better the Rockets are with Rafer? I have to admit, that kind of surprised me. He really is all growed up.
Jerry Sloan. He’s got such a hardass reputation, yet he’s been awfully calm all year. I keep hoping he’s going to explode and make Kirilenko cry. Again.
Karl Malone. He rarely attends Jazz games, but it’s be awesome if he was around for this one…huntin’ little Mexican woman. And by “little” I mean “13 years old.” Yikes.
We’re looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko. Here’s Free Darko’s look at the Cleveland Cavaliers-Washington Wizards series. Your author is Bethlehem Shoals.
Somehow, the Hornets/Mavericks series told us everything about Dallas, and nothing of NOLA’s team. It hammered home the Mavs’ reputation for fecklessness, prompted a clubhouse implosion and pushed Avery Johnson out the door.
Josh Howard’s strange, strange week hung from the clouds like an omen, obscuring the series itself and drawing attention to the Mavs’ more general malaise. That the team’s most promising young player should so suddenly crumble on the court, embroil himself in a major controversy, and then set off Avery’s climactic fit of fire and brimstone was, to say the least, a bummer. New Orleans won the series, Dallas burnt like Rome.
Herein lies one of basketball’s most frustrating conventions: It’s arbitrary, or maybe just utterly subjective, where one team’s folly ends and the other’s excellence begins.
Coming into round one, the Hornets’ youth and inexperience were widely decried, ruled fit for the plucking by a team like the Mavs. But after this summary thrashing, no one has rushed to deem NOLA fit for duty, or once and for all revoked those old criteria for post-season advancement (Atlanta being such an insane case that they prove absolutely nothing). The convincing 4-1 victory by the Hornets didn’t make them legit, it just made Dallas suckier.
Thanks heavens we’ve arrived at the series of no excuses.
There are many reasons to hate the Spurs, and anyone devoted to this negative cause has seen fit to adjust his over time. Lately, I’ve come to see their reliance on big shots and random veterans delivering as basketball’s answer to faith healing. But the fact remains that no team offers as definitive a foil as San Antonio. In part, it’s because they’re capable of playing any and every style, either mirroring the opponent or walloping them with their opposite.
It’s this blank, implacable dominance that makes them the team every contender should want to go through. Beat San Antonio, and no questions remain. Put aside for a spell all the “heart of champion” mumbo-jumbo, or the apt — if empty — assertion that “they just find a way to win every time.” On the level of pure basketball, there’s nothing the Spurs cant counter or match; they have little or no discernible weaknesses, at least not any that come back to haunt them (”absence of awesome” only counts inside my head; youth, just a number).
What they do offer, then, is the ultimate test of credibility, a surefire way to once and for all establish one’s worth. While Dallas frittered away the 2006 Finals, they did get past San Antonio on their way. Thus, any rightful trashing of the Avery years must begin with 2006-07; if anything, that series against the Spurs remains his greatest accomplishment.
So as someone who has already branded Chris Paul messiah, MVP, Mr. New Abe Lincoln, and everything in between, I welcome this nightmare matchup. Let Tim Duncan and his stolid bunch rip Paul, West, and Chandler to shreds, thus reinforcing all old thinking and sending the Hornets scurrying for off-season answers. That’s what they did to the Suns, and what brought about that team’s ruin. The Spurs have the power to hand down judgment like no other squad around.
Then again, supposed the Hornets hang tough, or, god forbid, win. Suppose, as a friend of mine dared to dream earlier tonight, that Paul puts together a 40-20 game. Then the Hornets will be vindicated, conventional thinking will take a beating, and most importantly, there will be no doubting that this team is for real — even if they subsequently fall to the Lakers or Celtics.
It just won’t work to dismiss or qualify San Antonio’s performance the way we’re accustomed to doing when it suits our assumptions; they’ve been too good, and too resourceful, for too long. That is why, for once in my life, I come here to praise the Spurs. They are like the Bulls of old, but just mortal enough to offer hope. They are the NBA’s great litmus test, of no value in and of themselves but absolutely indispensable to the landscape of the league.
Now that he’s headed for the bright, shining silver star of Dallas, Adam “Pacman” Jones no longer needs his digs in Tennesse. For just $1.8 million, you can move into 4282 N Chapel Rd in Franklin, and call this spacious, stripper-friendly abode your own.
The 3,000 square foot home has two guest quarters, game rooms , a garage, and sits on 30 acres of land, making it ideal if you like to spend your weekends sitting on a riding lawnmower for 18 hours.
Be forewarned: You will need a pre-qualification letter just to tour Pacman’s castle, because you know, the realtor wants to ensure that only serious potential buyers inquire. Those of you looking to spend an afternoon wandering through Pacman’s house sniffing the couches or looking for stray dollar bills should not bother.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is mourning the Suns today. When he’s not being bummed out, you can find him hating the Spurs at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
The dream be dead. What can I say? The Philadelphia 76ers defied expectations by making it to the playoffs and then shocked the basketball world by taking a 2-1 series lead over the Detroit Pistons in the first round. They have a lot to be proud of. But the Pistons are the better team, period. And once they decided to pay attention, the proved it. Big time: 100-77.
Said Detroit coach Flip Saunders: “Philadelphia probably woke us up. Over the last 10 quarters we’ve executed as well as we can.” Which makes sense. They probably had a lot of energy stored up after playing the first three games at half-speed.
The Pistons executed the 76ers with Terminator-like efficiency on offense (58 percent shooting, 56 percent from beyond the arc) and defense (Philly shot 33 percent from the field and 3-for-13 from long range). The Sixers didn’t even hit a shot for almost six minutes to start the game and ended the first quarter down 30-12. The rest of the game was played because David Stern is pretty married to the whole 48-minute game concept.
Rip Hamilton (24 points, 9-for-14) and Chauncey Billups (20 points, 8-for-11, 7 assists) provided the one-two knockout punch, while the rest of the Pistons supplied the bobs, weaves, and jabs. Philadelphia was “led” by Andre Iguodala, who had 16 points. Andre Miller and Louis Williams “added” 11 each, and the rest of the team pretty much “sucked.” But that doesn’t change the fact that the young Sixers had a season to build on … or that the Pistons are advancing, again, this time to face the Orlando Magic.
Wag of the finger: How quickly the worm turns. The Philadelphia crowd booed their team when the third quarter ended with their team down 79-51. I know the loss was a bummer, but c’mon. You’re officially on notice, Sixers fans.
Forgive us a little bit of that “favoritism” that so brands the blog world such a dangerous place … but we’re pretty freaking excited about the Cubs-Cardinals series this weekend.
When the day finally comes that Lou Piniella explodes like 
We’re looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko. Here’s Free Darko’s look at the Cleveland Cavaliers-Washington Wizards series. Your author is Bethlehem Shoals.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is mourning the Suns today. When he’s not being bummed out, you can find him hating the Spurs at 