This has certainly been covered elsewhere — most excellently by TrueHoop - but we really can’t get over the “Josh Howard is a terrible person for smoking weed” meme. As Henry Abbott put it, “We’re not alarmed that one young person smoked pot. We’re alarmed that anyone admitted it.” Fitting, not even Howard’s sponsors really care.
Time once again for Minor Enterprise, a celebration of God’s gift of Minor League baseball promotions, mascots and fans. Also, The View’s Joy Behar dishes celebrity gossip.
We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak. A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy. What do we study here? THE WAY OF THE FIST, SIR. And what is that way? STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY, SIR. And when the Fresno Grizzlies stage a promotion, they also take no prisoners. Thursday, May 15 is Totally Rad ’80s Night at Chukchansi Park, where the honored guest will be Cobra Kai karate dojo bad boy Johnny Lawrence. Yes, Daniel-san’s nemesis, in person. Not for the meek!
In case you question his credentials, Mr. Lawrence was voted No. 1 in Star Pulse magazine’s list of Top Movie Dicks of All Time in 2006. Not only did he sweep Daniel Russo’s leg in a pivotal scene in the 1984 film The Karate Kid, but let us not forget that he was also responsible for smashing Daniel’s boom box at the beach, and trashing his bike. We will never forget his sneer and his solar panel hairstyle (see video below).
His real name is Billy Zabka, and he appeared in several films subsequent to The Karate Kid; among them the 1992 classic Shootfighter: Fight To The Death. Now 42, he’s still active in films and is a creative director for a music publishing firm.
“When we decided to have an ’80s night, and learned that Billy Zabka lived lived in Grass Valley (near Sacramento), it was a natural to try and get him,” said Grizzlies’ Vice President of Marketing Scott Carter. “He was glad to do it. We asked him if we could recreate a Karate Kid fight scene and have our mascot, Parker, kick him in the face. He said sure.” Totally Rad ’80s Night will also feature a tribute to Garbage Pail Kids, ’80s music, and other things yet to be dreamed up. Grab your body bag and come on down. Yeah!
Other promotions you’re not going to want to miss:
• Tree Sapling Giveaway. Friday, South Bend Silver Hawks (Class-A Midwest League). Who can resist a promotion in which the first 3,000 fans receive trees? Kind of like a do-it-yourself bat day. (Note: No, ESPN employees may not keep the trees).
• Who Wants To Be A Mexican Millionaire? Monday, May 5, Huntsville Stars (Class-AA Southern League).
Celebrate Cinco de Mayo the good, old-fashioned politically incorrect way, as the Stars will hand out “green cards” and take whacks at a “human pinata.” Plus, for two bucks, Gen. Santa Ana will let you drink a beer from his artificial leg. [Thanks to Benjamin Hill]
• Chris Snee Day. May 18, Binghamton Mets (Class-AA Eastern League). The Mets honor the New York Giants offensive guard and Montrose, Pa., native, who will sign autographs before the game with the Erie Seawolves. Please form an orderly line. Mr. Snee will not sign body parts.
• Bobblehead of the Moment. Ross Grimsley Bobblehead Giveaway. Saturday, Augusta GreenJackets (Class-A South Atlantic League). The GreenJackets salute the 1970s with $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon in 16oz. cans, disco dancing, twister, afros and Ross Grimsley, the former Reds, Orioles and Expos pitcher who is their current pitching coach. The doll should be a very interesting and sought-after item.
We’re looking for your Minor League tips. Send all photos, game accounts, promotional news and recipes to RickChand@GMail.com. Thanks!
Cliff Lee and Progressive Field were both winners on Wednesday; although after the game one went out and celebrated, and the other spent the night covered with a tarp. Cleveland’s stadium took the top spot in the Sports Illustrated fan survey for best Major League ballpark, and inspired by his home yard’s impressive win — or perhaps just hopped up on caffeine — Lee went out and won his fifth straight start, 8-3 over the Mariners. Poor Seattle; their stadium only finished sixth.
Lee (5-0) ran his consecutive scoreless innings streak to 27 before Wladimir Balentien’s three-run homer in the seventh. That raised his ERA from 0.28 to 0.96, still lowest in the majors. Franklin Gutierrez had a run-scoring single in the fourth and a two-run single in the fifth for the Indians, still two games below .500 in the Central.
• At Wrigley Field (15th Place). Mark Cuban watched the Cubs exceed Brandon Bass’ playoff scoring average as Chicago unleashed hell on the Brewers, 19-5. It was the Cubs’ 17th April win, a club record. Geovany Soto had two three-run homers for Chicago.
• At Yankee Stadium (20th Place). Placido Polanco — one of the Three Tenors, if I’m not mistaken — had two homers to lead the Tigers to a 6-2 win over the reeling Yankees, who played their first game with Alex Rodriguez on the disabled list. Gary Sheffield had two hits for Detroit, which has won seven of nine but is still below .500 (13-15).
• At Shea Stadium (28th Place). Tom Gorzelanny allowed one hit over five innings for the win, then sent his bobblehead doll to talk with reporters after the game as the Pirates beat the Mets 13-1. Pittsburgh scored nine unearned runs, and ex-Met Xavier Nady was 3-for-3 with three RBI.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who’s glad things are going back to D.C. When he’s searching the Internets for “The Butler Did It” t-shirts, he can be found growing a DeSwhawn Stevenson beard at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
LeBron is no Kyra Sedgwick. Sorry. TNT has officially gotten to me. Anyway, King James had 34 points, 10 rebounds and 7 assists last night, but he also committed a game-high 5 turnovers and missed 13 of his 21 shots, including a layup at the buzzer that would have closed out the series. As it stands, the Wizards won 88-87…thanks mostly to Caron Butler.
Tough Juice (32 points, 9 rebounds, 5 assists) scored the go-ahead layup with 3.9 seconds left — against the King, no less — and then gave the Chosen One something to think about before the game’s finale. “I was messing with LeBron before the play started. I told him, ‘Miss this shot, make it interesting and let’s take this thing back to D.C.’”
And, well, you know what happened from there.
The Wizards also got 17 points from the Locksmith and another 12 from Antonio Daniels, while Antawn Jamison had an unusually quiet game (8 points, 3-for-10, 11 rebounds). On the Cleveland side, Zydrunas Ilgauskas was on target (19 points, 8-for-11), but the rest of the Cavs seemed to have developed a case of cantthrowitintheoceanitis: The bricklayers included Delonte West (4-for-11), Wally Szczerbiak (1-for-6), Boobie Gibson (3-for-8), Joe Smith (0-for-6), Andy Varejao (1-for-6) and Devin Brown (1-for-5). Seriously, somebody needs to wipe off that ball … there’s gotta be something on it. Right?
A final note: LeBron, naturally, thought he was fouled on the final play. “But that’s not the reason why we lost that game. We had some other plays throughout the whole game that we could’ve made better. We can’t rely on me getting a foul at the end of the ballgame.” Why not? It used to work for Dywane Wade.
There were no gang signs last night. Not even from the white chicks. But there was plenty of pushing, shoving, jostling, thrusting, ramming, propelling and a bunch of other synonyms I can’t think of right now. There were also several technicals (on Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, coach Mike Woodson and Kevin Garnett) and a flagrant foul called on Al Horford for Cobra Kai-ing Garnett. And pretty much none of that mattered. The Celtics were back in Boston, and they performed a little taxidermy on the Hawks with a 110-85 win.
The C’s must have gotten some LASIK surgery on their shootin’ eyes, because they shot 54 percent as a team and got big games from the Big Three: Paul Pierce had 22 points, 7 rebounds and 6 assists, KG scored 20 and dished 7, and Ray Allen scored 19 points and hit 5-for-8 from three-point range. It also didn’t hurt that the Boston bench led a second-quarter surge, with Sam Cassell scoring 9 and Leon KA-Powe adding 7 points and 5 rebounds.
Joe Johnson led the Hawks with 21 points, Josh Smith chipped in with 18, and Al Horford had a double-double (14 points, 10 rebounds), but Atlanta shot 40 percent as a team, got outrebounded 39-28, and had almost as many turnovers (13) as assists (16).
It was a nice “Order is restored” game for the Celtics, but Doc Rivers doesn’t want his team or the fans to get too excited just yet. “We still haven’t won a road game, guys. We have to do it again. We have to do it on the road now. We have to go in there and play like tonight.” Pretty much, yeah.
This has certainly been covered elsewhere — most excellently by TrueHoop - but we really can’t get over the “Josh Howard is a terrible person for smoking weed” meme. As Henry Abbott put it, “We’re not alarmed that one young person smoked pot. We’re alarmed that anyone admitted it.” Fitting, not even Howard’s sponsors really care.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who’s glad things are going back to D.C. When he’s searching the Internets for “The Butler Did It” t-shirts, he can be found growing a DeSwhawn Stevenson beard at 
