Archive for April 16th, 2008
Continue Reading April 16th, 2008
Slate, continuing to obsess over the arcane and curious, has discovered that an unusual number of baseball players are born in August. Consult your astrology guides!
It might have something to do with Little League cutoff dates.
The magical date of Aug. 1 gives a strong hint as to the explanation for this phenomenon. For more than 55 years, July 31 has been the age-cutoff date used by virtually all nonschool-affiliated baseball leagues in the United States. Youth baseball organizations including Little League, Cal Ripken/Babe Ruth, PONY, Dixie Youth, Hap Dumont, Dizzy Dean, American Legion, and more have long used that date to determine which players are eligible for which levels of play. (There is no such commonly used cutoff date in Latin America.) The result: In almost every American youth league, the oldest players are the ones born in August, and the youngest are those with July birthdays.
Great: That’s all we need, is another reason for parents to push their children to play baseball when they’re way too young.
A side note: Two recognizable Major League Baseball players were born on the same day as us (October 10, 1975): Placido Polanco and Pat Burrell. When either one of those guys retire, we’re going to be extremely depressed.
The Boys Of Late Summer [Slate]
Continue Reading April 16th, 2008
We feel like we write this every few months, but this time it looks like it’s for real. Yes, the Jose Lima Era in baseball appears to have actually ended.
Lima was released by Korea’s Kia Tigers yesterday, and that should just about wrap this up.
The final straw apparently came Tuesday evening against the LG Twins, a game in which he surrendered eight runs on eight hits in just 3 2/3 innings. Kia is currently in last place having won just four of 15 games. He leaves Korea not having won a single game, as the headline on the Korean Web portal Naver gleefully reads: “Not one win gathered…Lima is Kicked Out!”
This means a goodbye not only to Lima Time, but also Lima’s wife. Though he can still sing the national anthem with her, right? Right?
Lima Time Comes To An Abrupt End [East Wind Up Chronicle]
Continue Reading April 16th, 2008
Who says Scott Boras has lost it? Sure, he bombed out the Alex Rodriguez negotiations, and he ended up putting Kyle Lohse, the supposed top free agent pitching name, in St. Louis at an extreme discount. But look at what he’s done with Jeff Weaver!
Weaver, who signed a one-year contract after one of the most dominant postseason performances in recent memory and ended up practically destroying the Mariners’ pennant chances (and any hope at a contract this year), has finally landed with a team: The Nashville Sounds.
Yes, Weaver signed a minor league contract with the Milwaukee Brewers, and if everything goes perfect, he could be with the team in a month. We do hope he pitches for the Brewers at Busch at some point this year. Busch Stadium is the only place on earth that would welcome Weaver with a standing ovation … and that includes the Weaver household.
Weaver Signs With Brewers [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]
Continue Reading April 16th, 2008
When you’re the Minnesota Timberwolves, you have to lure in season ticket buyers by any means necessary. So they’ve come up with quite the novel plan: They’re tying ticket prices to which lottery pick the team gets.
This means it is possible to pay only 43 bucks for season tickets in Minnesota next year. But you have to buy now. According to ESPN’s nifty Lottery Mock Draft, the T-Wolves have a 15.6 percent chance of the top pick. Worth a shot, right?
The deal: Your season ticket pre game price is equal to whatever pick the Wolves get in the draft. They pick No. 1? $43 for 43 games, or $1 per game. Seriously. $86 for the No. 2 pick. And so on. Perhaps this underscores our insanity or our love of a great deal, but it intrigues us. It’s a huge risk-reward — the cheaper the ticket, presumably, the more reason you would want to watch this team because they would be bringing in a higher-caliber pick, presumably either Derrick Rose or Michael Beasley in the case of the under $100 options. They take a tumble in the lottery and end up with a stiff and you’re stuck with a couple hundred bucks worth of tickets in the cheap seats to watch a still not ready for prime time squad.
What a fascinating concept: You either win big, or lose big. Forty-three bucks for season tickets to see Michael Beasley or Derrick Rose play all year? We’re 1,200 miles away, and we’re tempted to buy them.
Pay The Pick [Randball]
Continue Reading April 16th, 2008
It’s the glorious return of Minor Enterprise, a celebration of God’s gift of Minor League baseball promotions. Also, we will plagiarize some Rachael Ray recipes.
The team that gave you the Redneck Olympics (featuring the grueling mullet competition) finally has an event that you can attend with your dog. Since Michael Vick is incarcerated very near their home field, the Kansas City T-Bones (Independent Northern League) have decided to throw a Michael Vick Welcome to the Neighborhood Night on May 28. The best part: The T-Bones will be wearing black and white striped jerseys, and the visiting Gary SouthShore RailCats will wear bright orange jumpsuit replica jerseys. (Note to Cincinnati Bengals: Do not steal this idea).
Because I have unlimited wireless minutes before 9 a.m., I called T-Bones media guy Tommy Thrall for details.
“We were sitting around brainstorming promotional ideas, and figured we should do something with Michael Vick, since he’s so close by at Leavenworth,” Thrall said. “Someone Mapquested it, and found that Leavenworth is only 16 miles from the park. So it seemed like a natural.”
The T-Bones are still throwing around ideas, but likely to be included in Michael Vick Night are:
• Players and/or coaches being introduced while wearing shackles.
• Relief pitchers to be shuttled from the bullpen via paddy wagon.
• On-field dog parade.
• Prison siren to celebrate runs scored by home team.
• Free tickets for fans who bring a picture of themselves with their dog.
“Also, I’m sure that the park will be appropriately decorated for the prison themed night,” Thrall said. “Most of all it’s an opportunity to raise awareness about animal abuse and pet adoption.” Several shelters and adoption agencies will be on hand, and fans can even start the paperwork if they’d like to adopt a dog. The prison replica jerseys will be auctioned off after the game with the proceeds benefiting the participating pet organizations.
Elsewhere on the promotional horizon:
Salute to Tools Night. Friday, Altoona Curve (Class-AA Eastern League). Enjoy the game with your miter saw. Plus, Steve Urkel appearance (because he’s a tool; get it?). But that’s not all. On Thursday the Curve will feature Animal House Night, as they mark the film’s 30th anniversary with on-field re-creations of classic scenes. And Monday is Salute to Forgotten Presidents Night. It’s the night before the Pennsylvania primaries, after all.
Salute To Ramen Noodles. Friday, Salem Avalanche (Class-A Carolina League). A 60-year anniversary tribute to the instant meal which was invented by Momofuku Ando in 1948. Noodle packets will be given to the first 1,000 fans in attendance, plus Ramen-themed activities throughout the game. [Thanks to Benjamin Hill]
Gino Castignoli Night. July 26, Lancaster Jethawks (Class-A, California League). The Red Sox affiliate will honor construction worker Gino Castignoli, who buried a David Ortiz jersey beneath the new Yankee Stadium during construction, which the Yankees then dug back out at much expense. The team will give away tattered Red Sox jersey t-shirts to the first 1,000 fans, and pieces of concrete will be autographed by current JetHawks players and distributed to lucky fans throughout the game. Free chunks of concrete to Red Sox fans? I see no way that could end badly.
Lowell Spinners Honor The Red-Tailed Hawk. Aug. 4, Lowell Spinners (Class-A New York-Penn League). The Spinners are excited to announce that the Red-Tailed Hawk has been named the official mascot of the team’s Yankees Elimination Promotion. The hawk gained national fame when it attacked a middle schooler named Alexa Rodriguez during a tour of Fenway Park recently. The Spinners will have an actual Red-Tailed Hawk at the park that day for fans to examine, courtesy of the Raptor Project.
Bobblehead of the Moment. Squeeze Bobblehead, tonight, Vero Beach Devil Rays (Class-A Florida State League). The Devil Rays (note that the word Devil is still intact) pay tribute to their obese mascot with this squeezable toy that your dog will certainly enjoy eating. But hurry … only 200 are available! [Thanks to Benjamin Hill]
Continue Reading April 16th, 2008
The latest reports out of Denver about the DUI arrest of the booze-addled, snitch-adverse Carmelo Anthony say that the Nuggets’ star’s level of impairment was, according to investigating officers, “extreme.”
Here are some of the wobbly details courtesy of a Denver CBS affiliate:
When he was asked to take nine steps, heel to toe, then turn around and take another nine steps, he forgot to perform the second half of the maneuver, according to police. CBS4 has also learned that when he was asked to stand on one leg, he swayed, put his foot down and “gave up,” telling an officer, “I don’t have good balance.”
Later, when police were interviewing Anthony, they asked him if he knew where he was. “No clue,” he told police.
We have a sneaking suspicion that this isn’t an isolated incident with ‘Melo. Don’t be surprised if he ends up on Dr. Drew’s couch in the next couple years sharing a bunk with Daniel Baldwin if he keeps this up.
Carmelo Anthony Arrest: Impairment Described As ‘Extreme’ [CBS4]
Continue Reading April 16th, 2008
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who says, “The world is looking mighty good to me, because Tootsie Rolls are all I see. Whatever it is I think I see, becomes a Tootsie Roll to me.” When he’s not loving himself some candy that looks like forest animal droppings, you can find him reaping souls with Kwame Brown at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
Who says making a pact with the devil can’t go your way? The Lakers began this season a downtrodden, dysfunctional, divided mess. However, they’ve finished it +1 Pau Gasol, +1 number one seed in the Western Conference, +1 MVP for Kobe (probably), and +1 brighter future than any other team in the league, because they’re only going to get better next season when they have a healthy Andrew Bynum. And all they had to do was sell Kwame Brown’s soul to the Satan, Reaper-style. Only I bet Kwame thought he was going to be a part of it all. Suckah!
And since the Lakers are living the life of Riley, they got to clinch the best record in the West by playing at home against a Sacramento Kings team that went to war without their top three players: Kevin Martin (right knee), Ron Artest (cutting off your dog’s balls), and Brad Miller (white man’s disease). So yeah, Kobe finished up his first MVP season by shooting 3-for-13, but it didn’t matter. L.A. still routed Sacramento 124-101 behind Pau Gasol’s 22 points (9-for-11) and Lamar Odom’s double-double (15 points, 12 rebounds). Quincy Douby had a career-high 32 points for the Kings, who should probably seriously consider selling somebody’s soul to The Dark Lord over the summer. (Unless, of course, that’s how Mike Bibby ended up in Atlanta.)
Not bad, huh? I mean, three seasons ago the New Orleans Hornets went 18-64, and before this season began most experts predicted they’d win around 30 games and finish way out of the playoffs. Yet last night they won their 56th game and clinched the toughest division in the league. After all, the Southwest has four 50-win teams: New Orleans, San Antonio (55-26), Houston (54-27), and Dallas (50-31). To put that into perspective, that division has more 50-win teams than the Eastern Conference does. Impressive … most impresssive.
Chris Paul continued his MVP runner-up season with 22 points (10-for-13) and 12 assists, while the 17-foot Assassin had a game-high 31 points in the Hornets 114-92 win over the Los Angeles Clippers. Al Thornton scored 26 for the Clips.
Speaking of bright futures. The Portland Trail Blazers beat the Memphis Grizzlies 113-91, thus ensuring that they’ll finish the “Greg Oden preseason” as a .500 team or better. Not bad considering the forecast was all doom and gloom when their new franchise big man went down before the season began. Jarrett Jack led seven Blazers in double figures with 18 points, and Brandon Roy and Channing Frye each added 16. Memphis got 17 points out of Hakim Warrick and a rare 23 minutes out of Brian Cardinal, who’s tired of all the sucking. Said Cardinal: “This has been a frustrating season, a long season. We need a win, period.” Good luck with that, Brian.
Spring break continues in Detroit. The Pistons’ bench scored 47 points - counting a 20-spot from Jarvis Hayes - to earn a knockout win over the Minnesota Timberwolves, 115-103. It was Detroit’s 58th win, which clinches the second-best record in the league and will give them homecourt advantage in the playoffs against every team except Boston.
On the other end of the spectrum, the T-Wolves reached win number 60 in the first season of the post-Kevin Garnett era despite 30 and 9 from Al Jefferson. And the futures bright, since Theo Ratliff’s contract comes off the books this summer, giving them almost $12 million to pursue all the free agents who desperately want to play in Minnesota. Yes, the sound you just heard was Kevin McHale’s heart breaking.
It’s like Bobby “The Brain” Heenan used to say: You should always kick a man when he’s down. After all, that’s the best possible time to kick him. And after watching his Bobcats squander a 20-point lead and lose to the Nets in overtime, Jason Richardson couldn’t agree more. “I think we thought we had them buried in the books, and you can’t do that to any NBA team. You have a team down, you have to kick them. In the NBA, if you don’t kick them, they are going to kick you. That’s what they did. They got a lot of energy, they got their fans into it, they wanted to win their last home game.”
Richardson did his best to stick his foot in New Jersey’s collective butt by scoring 31 points and grabbing 10 rebounds, but he was outdueled by Richard Jefferson, who had 28 points, threw down a nasty dunk that bloodied Emeka Okafor’s nose, and hit a jumper in overtime that put the Nets ahead for good.
Way to finish strong, Atlanta. The celebrated their first playoff berth since 1999 by getting blown out at home by the Orlando Magic, 121-105. Seven magicians scored in double-digits, with Maurice Evans (27 points) and Hedo Turkoglu (17 points) leading the way. Sure, Orlando had already clinched the Southeast Division and the number three seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs, but Stan Van Gundy still likes to go into somebody else’s house and bust ‘em. Said Van Gundy: “If they’re keeping score, I want to win. I don’t care, exhibition game or anything else. If there’s a scoreboard, I’d rather be on the right side of that. Now, I wasn’t going to sacrifice everything for that. I wasn’t going to play guys 40 minutes or whatever. But we want to win.” Bad enough to sell somebody’s soul to Lucifer like the Lakers did, Stan? Because I’m looking down your bench at Pat Garrity and thinking you could be the top team in the East next season if…
Continue Reading April 16th, 2008
Filed under: Nintendo Wii, Sports
When none other than Reggie announced that the Wii Fit Balance Board was being used in “over ten” games currently in development, we probably should have made the connection with Don King vanity project Prizefighter. Well, we didn’t, but, luckily, the developers at Venom Games did, revealing in an interview with CVG that their game will include Balance Board-compatible training games designed by “top boxing trainers.”
The interview doesn’t go into many details, but it does mention a “jump rope game” which involves bouncing on the Balance Board with “the Wii Remote in your back pocket.” Developing a joke asking whether that pocket Remote indicates we’re “just happy to see you” is left as an exercise for the reader.
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