Continue Reading March 24th, 2008
Well, it’s doesn’t feel the start of the baseball season tomorrow morning — jeez, like, 11 hours from now — but it is, in fact, the beginning: The Red Sox and the A’s, in the Tokyo Dome, 6 a.m., baseball is here … kind of.
We’re not gonna do anything stupid and try to live blog the game tomorrow — we leave that to
Continue Reading March 24th, 2008
Pure blogging brilliance from 100 Percent Injury Rate over at FanIQ: While digging through the suddenly free Sports Illustrated archives, they’ve discovered a 1979 Frank Deford article about what the NFL will look like in the year 2000. It’s as hilarious as you think it is.
A few awesome highlights:
“The coaches will begin to dress alike, and maybe there will be a machine out there doing the coach’s job. It’ll be second and four, the guy will punch a button on his chest and–wonk, wonk, wonk–he’ll say, ‘O.K., run off tackle.’ ” –John Madden, Former Coach, Oakland Raiders
“I think you’ll have a lot of women playing quarterback by 2000. For one thing, they have a higher threshold of pain.” –Byron Donzis
“The 25-yard end zone is the single greatest thing that could change the game. The whole concept of goal-line defenses would change with that.” –Marv Levy, yet again
“We’ll see equipment that will be supportive of body functions. I’m visualizing devices that will allow a player–a receiver, say–to jump two or three feet higher than he does now. Or we’ll put a strong enough biomechanical device on a quarterback’s back so he can pass 150 yards, which will be important, because the field will have to be that large by then.” –More Byron Donzis
God, you really have to read this article. By the way, that Byron Donzis you’ve never heard of? He’s “a Houston inventor who invented the first football flak jacket.” He invented a lot of weird shit. Here’s guessing Frank Deford doesn’t use him as a source again anytime soon.
Guaranteed Hilarity: A 1979 Take On How The NFL Would Look In 2000 [FanIQ]
Continue Reading March 24th, 2008
The baseball season officially kicks off tomorrow, though no one will really think of baseball as happening until next Monday. (Or maybe that Braves-Nationals game on Sunday night.) So we figured this would be the last week to actually start previewing each division. So we’re gonna hit one a day, starting today, with the AL East. We’ll give our predictions, then you give yours. Deal?
So, here goes:
1. Boston Red Sox. We agree with Gillin from earlier today; the Red Sox seem destined for a slow start. But they’re stacked and have even more guys coming. We still can’t believe the Boston Red Sox are the model for all sports franchises right now.
2. New York Yankees. More proof: The Yankees, though they’ll never admit it, are trying to follow the Red Sox plan to the letter.
3. Tampa Bay Rays. We can legitimately see them finishing over .500 this year. It was the “Devil.”
4. Toronto Blue Jays. That whole budget increase didn’t work out too well. At least we still have baseball in Canada somewhere.
5. Baltimore Orioles. Boy this is still going to get worse before this gets better.
Let’s hear ‘em, because baseball freaking starts tomorrow. (Kind of.) And tomorrow? The American League West
Continue Reading March 24th, 2008
You’ve scored some well-earned vacation time, and you’re booked for a week or two at the finest resort you can find. Time to check in, unpack, and … order room service? A larger TV? Five-diamond hookers? Well, no; if you’re Denver Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall, it’s time for a McDonald’s run! But be careful where you leave the bag.
In what could be the greatest injury excuse since Jeff Kent “slipped and fell while washing his truck,” Marshall injured himself on Saturday after, he says, slipping on a McDonald’s bag while vacationing in Orlando, Fla.
Marshall, who had a 102 receptions in his second season with the Broncos last year, said his arm went through a TV entertainment center as he tried to brace his fall after slipping on the bag at the Westgate Lakes Resort. Along with the cast, Marshall also received stitches in his arm, but he did not know how many, according to the Internet report.
Has no one learned from the mistakes of Marcus Vick?
Continue Reading March 24th, 2008
This is James Harrison, an All-Pro linebacker for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Earlier this month, Harrison, charmingly, smacked his girlfriend in the face, breaking her glasses, during an 1 a.m. argument. Harrison was not kicked off the team. Just a few days later, though, wide receiver Cedrick Wilson was released by the team after being arraigned for hitting his estranged girlfriend. (She claims the incident was misconstrued, that he only “shoved” her.) So what’s the difference between the two? Not that Harrison is valuable and Wilson’ isn’t, nope, says chairman Dan Rooney. It’s all about intent.
Rooney says the Harrison arrest is different because he had a perfectly reasonable excuse for hitting her. Really.
“I know many are asking the question of [why] we released Wilson and Harrison we kept,'’ he said. “The circumstances — I know of the incidents, they are completely different. In fact, when I say we don’t condone these things, we don’t, but we do have to look at the circumstances that are involved with other players and things like that, so they’re not all the same.”
“What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it,” he said of Mr. Harrison’s initial intent with his son. “He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn’t want to do it.”
You kind of have to admire that. Harrison could have set the lady on fire, but if he had just been trying to take the kid to church, it would have been totally understandable. Cedric Wilson should slap women around for honorable reasons. Live and learn, people.
Dan Rooney’s Legacy Gets A Black Eye [Lion In Oil]
Continue Reading March 24th, 2008
For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; heck, they’re playing real games in Japan tomorrow.
Every weekday until the start of the season, a different writer will preview his/her team. We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, Where Their Team Stands. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever.
Today: The Boston Red Sox. Your author is Eric Gillin.
Eric Gillin is the editor of Esquire.com and a founding editor of The Black Table. His words are after the jump.
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This photo tells you everything you need to know about being a Boston Red Sox fan entering this season. I took it in Fort Myers, Fla., where the Sox and Minnesota Twins both hold their Spring Training camps. And although this was taken before the opening game of the Twins’ spring season, it’s quite clear that Twins Territory — like the rest of Major League Baseball — has a problem with illegal immigrants from Boston.
What makes the Red Sox this popular? The same things that made the Chicago Bulls and San Francisco 49ers so wildly popular in the 1980s and ’90s. They won championships. It’s easier to root for a winner, and given the recent success of the Red Sox, the bandwagon has turned into a caravan, filled with angst-inducing pink hatted masses and other non-baseball types who also feel an overwhelming need to belong to something.
It’s fun to have something like this to belong to. Most people don’t attend church. They don’t join the Elks, or the Kiwanis club, or the Knights of Columbus. Nowadays, people are not joiners, not really, not unless you count Facebook. And that’s not much of a club. Fifty-five year old men have Facebook pages now.
If anyone can be a Red sox fan just by virtue of liking them, what does it mean to be a Red Sox fan right now, after two championships in four years has replaced the old algebraic rule that said “Red Sox fan = abject agony”?
At its most obvious, I would argue that to be a Sox fan simply means that you want the team to win when they play other teams. I don’t believe that a “true fan” needs to be able to name seven players on the team that aren’t Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz or Jonathan Papelbon. I don’t believe that true fans don’t wear pink and have to attend at least one home game a year. And I don’t believe that true fans even exist, except in the mind of insecure fans who feel that these new fans haven’t “earned” it, in the same way that people who liked Nirvana when they were on Sub Pop have to remind everyone that came after who “found” the band.
There is a poor, deluded core within Red Sox Nation (a construct is precisely the kind of thing that happens when you have winning teams — the hypothetical Republic of Kansas City could hold their meetings in a photo booth) that has done everything in their power to stay miserable. As if misery were what it still meant to be a Red Sox fan. They call in to WEEI and complain, bitterly so, that the Red Sox didn’t do enough in the offseason. That we didn’t get Santana. Or that we tried to get Santana, and should have looked elsewhere. They complain about what the rotation will look like in 2009. They discuss balance sheet issues in 2012 and how the third-stringers in rookie ball are playing, ever searching for more to bitch about. To prove their fandom.
Which brings us to this season.
I believe this is the year that Red Sox fans — the pink-hats and the die-hards, who have been eyeing each other suspiciously for five years now — finally have it out with each other. This is the season where what it really means to be a Red Sox fan finally bubbles to the surface. Will the essence of fandom be defined by front-running, merchandise-loving bobble-heads? Or will it be defined by morose, woe-is-me, you-don’t-know-pain, Calvinists out there? Do you have to sing “Sweet Caroline?” Can you still do “The Wave?”
I’m not sure. But I know the first few months of this season will be the trigger. The team is largely unchanged from last year — and indeed, at Spring Training, there were only three roster spots still open. Expectations, as a result, are impossibly high. We’re expected to repeat and dominate. The sports people on the TV set and in magazines say so. We believe them, because they tell us what we, as Red Sox fans, want to hear.
But the beginning of this season will be a nightmare. The Sox play two official games in Japan, then some more exhibition games, then back into the regular season again. The 17-hour flights aren’t the problem, really. It’s the fact the Sox don’t get to play as many Spring Training games. So when it’s mid-May, they’ll be in mid-April form. They’ll get blown out by the Rays and everyone in Walpole will be put on suicide watch.
Then the sky will fall and people will panic. I mean, look at how terrible this team is. Staff ace Josh Beckett has back spasms! Daisuke Matsuzaka is a waste of money who leaves you hungry 20 minutes after a start! Curt Schilling’s a lying-faced-liar who couldn’t bring himself to clap at a McCain rally! The back half of the rotation consists of two young guys (Clay Bucholtz and Jon Lester, shown here after getting shelled by the Twins) who should be garroted in the street with their own jock straps!
(Yup, I can see WEEI’s phone lines ablaze come late-May with irrational fans wondering why we didn’t do more for Santana.)
I don’t think the team will be that bad to start, but we won’t be that great, either. Among the position players, there are other concerns, as well. Jacoby Ellsbury, who Men’s Vogue called “baby Jesus in cleats,” has had a dreadful spring. Jason Varitek, while solid behind the plate, seems to get slower each year. Julio Lugo is a total mystery. J.D. Drew only seems to look good hitting ping-pong-sized baseballs on a foreign continent. Both Manny and Papi looked to be in amazing shape in Fort Myers — especially Papi, whose belt buckle is once again visible — but those guys tend to be slow starters.
It’s entirely plausible that this year’s Red Sox team starts a bit more like last year’s Yankees squad. I don’t worry about the Red Sox team giving up, however. They’re as loose as ever. (This picture is Jonathan Papelbon wearing Manny’s #24 to pitch, since he’d left his at home. When asked why we wore Manny’s jersey, Papelbon said there were always loads of extra Manny jerseys around, “just in case.”) But when the going gets tough — and I suspect it will — I worry if these fans can handle losing bad and often without throwing the team under the bus.
And that’s when we’ll see what kind of fans, no matter what color their hat, are rooting for the Red Sox.
***
A sad note. Jason Forget, friend of Deadspin, tragically succumbed to his battle with cancer at the age of 27 a few weeks ago. Each year, his father organizes the East Woonsocket Little League Memorial Tournament to benefit the Jimmy Fund and Dana Farber Cancer Institute. It’s a worthy cause and we wanted to spread the news about it. Anyone who would like to make a donation in Jason Forget’s name can do so to:
The Jimmy Fund
10 Brookline Place West, 6th floor
Brookline, MA 02445-7226
Thanks.
Continue Reading March 24th, 2008
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who loves March Madness as much as the next guy but is really tired of hearing the phrase “You can tell they don’t want to go home!” I mean, seriously, do the announcers need to tell us that over and over? Are there teams of players that DO want to go home? Anyway, when he’s not nitpicking tournament cliches, he can be found picking a peck of pickled peppers at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
Dallas chokes game, Stack chokes Manu. The Dallas Mavericks regurgitated a 12-point third quarter lead and not only lost to the Spurs 88-81, they lost Dirk Nowitzki to a “left leg injury” when The Flying Dutchman fell down awkwardly after trying to block Ime Udoka’s shot. (See what happens when you try to play defense, kids?) Depending on whom you ask, Dirk could be out anywhere from two weeks to the rest of the season. The Mavs will probably be without Jerry Stackhouse for at least a game or two as well, thanks to the way he pulled Manu Ginobili to the ground and gave him a little “Happy Easter” chokehold.
And while Mark Cuban is busy waging a one-billionaire war against the blogging menace, his team is melting down faster than Chernobyl, only without the fun glow-in-the-dark animals and mutant babies: The Mavericks have lost three in a row at home for the first time in years, are 0-8 against winning teams since trading for Jason Kidd, and are about two games from being out of the playoffs. Speaking of J-Kidd, he pulled off a minor miracle by scoring a whopping 7 points - more than double his output from the last two games - and even hitting a semi-clutch three-pointer in the fourth quarter. Didn’t help, though. Tim Duncan shot like he had a 20-sided die stuck in his eye but still finished with 19 points and 13 rebounds. Meanwhile, Ginobili was unfazed by The Strangler’s strong-arm tactics, finishing with a game-high 26 points to go along with 8 rebounds and 6 assists. Stack led Dallas with 19 points.
Allen and Carmelo achieve mutual gratification…in winning. As of last night, this was ESPN’s front-page headline for the Denver/Toronto game: A.I., Melo combine for 69, Nuggets stop Raps. They said, “combine for 69.” Uh huh-huh-huh, huh-huh, huh. God, I’m such a 12-year-old. Anyway, Iverson scored 36, Carmelo added 33, and the Nuggets actually held an opponent to “only” 100 points and 50 percent shooting in their 109-100 win. That’s a pretty good defensive effort for them. And actually, Kenyon Martin’s crazy-man defense on Chris Bosh (6-for-16 shooting, 0-for-1 in the fourth quarter, 4 turnovers) probably won the game for Denver (although Bosh still had an “almost” triple-double of 17 points, 12 rebounds, and 9 assists). Jamario Moon had 15 points and a career-high 15 rebounds for the not-so-mighty dinos, losers of eight of their last 10 games.
Hey, Detroit, you can wake up any time now. The Pistons are just one victory away from reaching the 50-win plateau for the seventh consecutive season, which is almost enough to make you forget that they’re only 10-7 since the All-Star break. Almost. Last night, Detroit shot bad (43 percent), defended worse (giving up 53 percent shooting), and lost to Washington 95-83 despite strong efforts from Rip Hamilton (19 points), Tony McDyess (14 rebounds), and Chauncey Billups (11 assists). Antawn Jamison was the Wizards’ magic man with 24 points, 12 rebounds, and 0 assists, and Tough Juice tossed in another 17. Agent Zero update: Gilbert Arenas took part in the the Wizards’ morning shootaround and expected to get a little PT, but Washington’s team doctors wouldn’t clear him to play. [Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] And the Hibachi was steamed. [/Arnold Schwarzenegger] About an hour before the game, Gil was heard muttering, “I’m not coming back this year.” Then, during the game, he told ESPN, “I was ready, but they went out there with a fishing pole and yanked me back.” Ooookay. What, does Gil have some kind of communicable disease or something?
So much for Phil Jackson and the Lakers “owning” the Warriors. The Golden State Warriors built a 26-point lead, let the Lakers back into the game, and then withstood a Kobe Bryant barrage to beat L.A. 115-111. Monta Ellis had 31 points, 7 rebounds, and 5 assists for the Warriors, but Stephen Jackson was Mr. Clutchtastic, out-dueling The Mamba by hitting three-pointers with 38.5 and 8.1 seconds left to cockblock the Lakers’ comeback. And while you could point to several reasons why the Lakers lost - 41 point shooting (led by Kobe’s 13-for-30), 18 turnovers (including 14 in the first half), and the fact that Ronny Turiaf kind of looks like a special needs child - the real problem was that Phil Jackson recently said that his squad was “the team to beat” in the West. And that’s what we like to call the stat curse. Bryant had 36 points, a season-high 14 rebounds, and 8 assists, and Lamar Odom added 19 points and 22 boards for L.A.
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