Archive for March 4th, 2008
Continue Reading March 4th, 2008
When people find out I write for Deadspin, the first question I’m always asked is: “Why no pictures of David Ortiz in a motorcycle sidecar?” So I’ve decided to address this once and for all, even though the photos are a couple of days old. It was all part of the Red Sox’s triumphant return to the White House last week to be congratulated by President Bush. But how Big Papi got involved in the ridealong with Barney Fife is anybody’s guess.
And of course as you probably know by now, the war of words between Manny Ramirez and George W. Bush has begun. Lord have mercy on us all. Interpreters for both sides are standing by.
Big Papi Takes A Ride In The Sidecar [Sox And Dawgs]
Manny: I Won’t Vote For Bush [Wicked Good Sports]
Continue Reading March 4th, 2008
Don’t worry: Rick wasn’t the only person to notice that our Cardinals sure do seem to have a lot of steroid folks on their team.
By our count, the following folks have had some sort of connection with this whole steroid business:
• Rick Ankiel.
• Ryan Franklin.
• Troy Glaus.
• Juan Gonzalez.
• Ron Villone.
And Tony La Russa was interested in Barry Bonds, remember. (And boy, what could have possibly gone wrong there?)
We’ve been asked if we have some problem with this, if we are some sort of Tony La Russa apologist, the same way he has been an apologist for all the steroid abusers he’s managed over the years. We’re not sure why this is; LaRussa is one of the most fun people to make fun of in sports. (He does it to himself.)
Our issue is not with LaRussa, who’s just a guy who wants to win some games after all. (Is it a manager’s job to kick guys off his team for doing steroids? That would seem like the exact opposite of what a manager should do.) It’s our general exhaustion with the whole steroid business, which, we suspect, most of you share. Juan Gonzalez did steroids, Paul LoDuca did, Shawne Merriman did … at the risk of sounding “cynical,” how does this affect the price of butter in Egypt again?
The joy of being a sports fan, rather than someone involved in the echo chamber of sports as profession (ahem), is that sports doesn’t have to be this big morality play for us. We can all hope that our favorite players are not on steroids, and we can boo those on other teams who are (or at least rumored to be), but we don’t have to carry this stupid weight on our shoulders, as if our games have been ruined. This is not our life, this sports; this is something we enjoy to get away from our worldly woes. We didn’t grow up worshiping Mickey Mantle; we grew up worshiping Michael Jordan, who probably got kicked out of the NBA for a year for gambling. We have no illusions about our heroes. They are flawed people who probably took some drugs to get ahead because it’s really stressful and difficult to be a successful athlete and sometimes you feel like you need some help to stay in the game. It doesn’t excuse it. It just makes the whole issue so tangled and so overwhelming that eventually you have to just say, “Aw, fuck it … just play ball already.” Boo, cheer, hiss, whatever: Just win, team, would ya?
This is the healthiest attitude we can imagine a sports fan mustering, and it’s why when we boo Tony LaRussa this year, it’ll be for starting Aaron Miles, and not for starting Juan Gonzalez. Though we suspect we’ll probably end up doing that too.
Cards Reject Portrayal As Lax On Drug Use [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
(Throughout the upcoming baseball season, we’ll be doing occasional Cardinals-centric posts that the millions of humans unfortunate enough not to be Cardinals fans won’t care about. We’ll label them accordingly and try to keep them out of your way. Consider this the first one.)
Continue Reading March 4th, 2008
Also from a few days ago here, but hey: We were on vacation. We’ve always kind of admired Seattle pitcher Miguel Batista. He fancies himself a Renaissance Man, writing poetry, performing music, generally being a different bird than your everyday average athlete. The bar a player must clear to be considered an “intelligent athlete” is a low one, and he seems to have cleared it. Until we learned who his idol was.
The idol of this poet is not Emily Dickinson, or Robert Frost, or even Dr. Seuss. Nope: It’s Kenny G.
“He played for me,” Batista said. “It was my favorite song, ‘Alone.’ Now, I feel like I’ve had everything. I’ve talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I’d be served. I’d be complete.”
Batista’s “thriller novel” is called The Avenger Of Blood, which is kind of confusing and sounds like an early ’90s Sharon Stone movie. We eagerly await his next novel, which will surely feature blurbs by Sandy Koufax, Kenny G and God.
Fan Batista Meets His Idol Kenny G [Seattle Times]
Continue Reading March 4th, 2008
As you might have heard, Brett Favre retired today. (Officially. Unofficially. Whatever.) Around these parts, we’ve had no bigger Favre and Packers loyalist than Jeff Bercovici, an editor at Portfolio and serious Favre man-crusher. Here, he emotes on a historic day, after the jump.
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Here’s a conversation I’ve been having a lot for the past two months:
Random Guy Who Likes Sports and Knows I’m a Packer Fan: So, you think Favre will be back?
Me: Are you kidding? Of course he’ll be back.
Random Guy etc.: You sound pretty sure.
Me: You honestly think there’s any way Favre would retire after going 13-3 on a young team? After having one of his best seasons ever? You think he’s going to let his last pass ever be an interception?
Random Guy etc.: I guess you’re right.
Me: I guarantee it!
Or, hey, maybe not.
The past few years have been a complicated time, emotionally speaking, for anyone who loves Brett Favre, and today is no exception. In no particular order, I’m feeling:
• Relief: Favre went out classy. He won’t have to be dragged off the field with a hook, or carried off on a stretcher. He won’t end his career with a 30-interception season, or in another uniform.
• Disgust: Did Favre really base his decision on whether Ted Thompson signed Randy Moss? I know he’s the best there is and all, but I personally find it hard to root for sociopaths. Crazy, right?
• Dislocation: Six months from now, I will sit down in front of a TV with a beer and watch a quarterback wearing a number other than 4 start a game for the Packers. The last time that happened, I was studying for my bar mitzvah, and it was Crystal Pepsi, not beer.
• Pleasant anticipation: Aaron Rodgers was pretty darn good in that Cowboys game! And, hey, it might be kind of fun to watch a quarterback who can make plays with his feet, and about whom there is a genuine shortage of knowledge rather than a vast lore of recycled anecdotes.
• Sadness. Maybe Green Bay will get another quarterback as great as Favre during my lifetime, but I doubt it. More likely, I will be sitting in front of a TV with my son 15 years from now, completely ruining his enjoyment of the game by explaining to him, in patient detail, how the starting QB whose jersey he saved up his lawn-mowing money to buy is in reality a weak-armed numbnuts unfit to hold Favre’s jock. Is this how it feels to be a Bears fan?
Continue Reading March 4th, 2008
The life of a baseball scout is a lonely one. Endless nights on the road, waves of parents pestering you that their son is some undiscovered gem, the ankle-sniping from all those sabermetric folks who have made the last few years among your least satisfying, professionally speaking. Yep, it’s lonely. But it’s not supposed to be this lonely.
Red Sox scout Jesse Levis got his Dick Williams on by allegedly masturbating in his hotel room while watching two underaged girls in the pool below. Uh-oh.
A scout for the Boston Red Sox accused of committing a lewd act in a hotel room that overlooked the pool where at least two teenage girls saw him was arrested Monday, police said Tuesday. Jesse Levis, 39, faces two felony counts of committing lewd and lascivious acts in the presense of children less than 16.
Levis, if Baseball Reference is to be trusted (and it usually is), a former catcher for the Indians and Brewers, and the former manager of the Kingston Mets. He’s also one of the few prominent Jewish ballplayers. Here’s an old Q&A with him from the Cincinnati Enquirer from 2002. He never actually played for the Reds, but, you know, we couldn’t help but suspect an Ohio connection.
Red Sox Scout Arrested [ABC2 News]
(Here’s the full arrest report.)
Continue Reading March 4th, 2008
For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; it’s spring training, after all.
Every weekday until the start of the season, a different writer will preview his/her team. We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, Where Their Team Stands. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever.
Today: The Los Angeles Dodgers. Your author is Lion In Oil’s Fun Sheriff.
Lion In Oil is written by the Fun Sheriff, and is devoted to sports, tomfoolery and madness - with a special affinity for the absurd. His words are after the jump.
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Los Angeles is a city of image, makeovers and second chances. You can always reinvent yourself here - there are plenty of plastic surgeons to help fix whatever problems you might have, real or imagined. And while for much of the Dodgers’ time in LA they have been able to defy the Los Angeles stereotypes, since Tommy Lasorda’s retirement in 1996 it’s been a different tale. It’s been a procession of managers (6) and general managers (6), and almost too many players to count.
Each year the team has declared that this is the squad to win team’s second playoff game since 1988 and that this is the team to put the team back on track where it truly belongs. This year is no different. There are fresh faces as well as familiar ones, all with something to prove. Joe Torre is the new manager and is looking to put a successful finishing touch to the third act that is his career. Andruw Jones will be patrolling center field, and he’ll surely use this season as a statement to show what kind of contract he should have gotten in the off-season. And the young kids will be out to prove that they were worth holding on to.
So while we’ve heard it all before, perhaps this truly is the year it all comes together. It’s certainly a possibility - the table is set for a potentially amazing year. They have the veteran leadership. Between Jeff Kent, Derek Lowe, Rafael Furcal, Jason Schmidt and Jones there surely isn’t anything they haven’t seen before. They’re all playoff tested. And could there be a steadier hand to guide the team than Torre? There must be a formula to determine the number of wins won by a team just by the positive mental influence a proven, winning manager brings. Whatever that number might be, the Dodgers will gain it.
Yet complimented to the veterans are the Dodgers’ young studs. When the veterans are sloshing through the dog days of summer, the youth movement can pick them up. Their youthful exuberance can be counted upon for an outfield assist, an extra base, or a steal. They’ve infiltrated the lineup, and they’re here. Their time is now. It’s time to take the reigns off of James Loney, Matt Kemp, Jonathan Broxton and Russell Martin and let them play.
So in this Dodgers season preview I can only offer a prediction as such: I don’t know. Coming off a season where the Rockies won 14 out of 15, making it to the World Series and the Mets blew a 7 game lead with 17 games to go, anything is possible. So maybe this is the year it all comes together. Maybe young meshes with old, creating an unstoppable force. Maybe Jason Schmidt comes back healthy and Nomar Garciaparra regains his old form. Maybe.
I hope so, of course. But more than any one player, I love the team - the Dodgers. No matter what happens, you can find me at some point this summer up in the Reserved section, eating an All-Beef Dodger Dog, and enjoying the game amidst the beautiful surroundings. Win or lose, there’s no place I’d rather be.
Continue Reading March 4th, 2008
It’s official: Fire George Karl has the potential to be the next Fire Ron Zook. Ever since the site went live less than a month ago, it has caused nothing but headaches to the Nuggets coach … and now his lawyer is getting involved. In the most embarrassing fashion possible … for him and his client, anyway.
Site proprietor Andrew Feinstein received the following email in his mailbox last week, from Bret Adams, attorney at Adams, Babner & Gitlitz, whose site can be found right here.
Is your life really this boring and meaningless that you would spend the hours necessary to create such a website?
As Coach Karl’s counsel I am putting you on notice that I will sue you into bankruptcy should you cross the boundaries of permissible speech.
Oooh! Big scary lawyer man!
From all accounts, this appears to be an actual email from an actual attorney, which is kind of depressing, actually.
This is the best possible way to make a story go away. Good work, Bret Adams! If Karl is ultimately let go by the Nuggets, you’ve just assured that Fire George Karl will be mentioned in the obituary. Now that’s lawyerin’!
George Karl’s Attorney Responds To Fire George Karl [Fire George Karl]
Bret A. Adams Biography [ABG Lawyers]
Continue Reading March 4th, 2008
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks Isiah has been trying to get fired for years - I mean, would you want to coach the Knicks? Didn’t think so. When he’s not trying to make sense of Isiah’s substitution patterns, he can be found scrapbooking at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
• Okay, seriously, now he’s just trying to get fired. Let’s take a look at Isiah’s “Fire me, please God, let them fire me” checklist: Start Malik Rose? Check. Inexplicably alter rotation against one of the league’s best teams by playing guys like Wilson Chandler, Randolph Morris and Mardy Collins? Check. Freak out the Madison Square Garden crowd by yanking Nate Robinson in favor of Chandler with 1:33 left and the my team in possession in the frontcourt and trailing by four? Check. Refuse to comment on the apparent banishment of Stephon Marbury? Check. Guide my team to a season-low 24 games under .500 - thus clinching our seventh straight losing season - while standing around with a vacant and borderline suicidal look on my face? Check, check, and check!
While Isiah was busy trying to escape from Hell, Chris Paul was busy creating new and better realities by scoring 27 points, dishing out 8 assists, and leading to three clutch scores - two shots and an alley-oop pass to Tyson Chandler - in the Hornets’ 100-88 win over the Knicks. Chandler got into the act with 15 points and 18 rebounds. Jamal Crawford led the Knicks with 20 points on 20 shots, and Eddy Curry made the most of Zach Randolph’s absense by scoring 19 points on 8-for-11 shooting. Fun fact: Randolph had a magnetic resonance imaging test on his right foot Monday afternoon to confirm a bruise. This of course differs from the standard method of bruise confirmation, which typically consists of looking at it.
• Beware the rage of Dirk Nowitzki. I guess that Sunday’s four-point overtime loss to the Lakers upset him more than anybody knew, because Dirk pulled a Kevin McHale on Andre Kirilenko during the first quarter of the Mavericks’ 116-110 loss to the Jazz. Seriously, this was a bad one. Bad enough that I very nearly couldn’t laugh at the comical image of Kirilenko getting wheeled off the court in some kind of bizarre wheelchair thingie. Amazingly, in this age of Guys Can’t Even Stand Up Of The Bench Without Getting Suspended For One Game, Herr Nowitzki was called for a flagrant foul but wasn’t ejected from the game … despite the fact that the Utah crowd nearly rose from their seats en masse to strangle him. The Mavs came back from a 21-point deficit to take a late-game lead before going into their trademark Fourth Quarter Collapse mode as the Jazz scored 16 straight points to clinch the victory. Deron Williams had 17 points and 20 dimes for Utah, Mehmet Okur added 20 points and 12 rebounds, and Carlos Boozer carried the scoring load with 28. Josh Howard led the Mavs with 25, Dirk added 23, and Jason Kidd contributed 19 points and 9 assists. Update: The Russian Rifle bruised his right hip and was taken to the hospital for X-rays, which showed no break.
• I know you don’t care about this game…but you should. Really. The Philadelphia 76ers notched a 106-80 victory over the Clippers. It was the seventh win in the their last 10 games. They’ve now moved into the seventh playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. And Andre Miller is the reigning Eastern Conference Player of the Week. They’re a legitimate playoff threat now. Seriously. Okay, you’re not buying any of this, are you? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Fine. I’ll cut to the chase: Philly’s decent, Clippers suck, Andre Iguodala led six Sixers in double-figures with 18, Al Thornton was manly with 20 and 10. Oh, and it was Maurice Cheeks’ 100th win as the coach of the Sixers (versus 124 losses). Yeah, I think that about sums it up.
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