If Wilt’s 100-Point Game Were Modernized [Wilt Chamberlain]

Continue Reading March 2nd, 2008

As we conclude another lazy “Baked Doritos and curling on TV” Sunday, we remember that 46 years ago was the night Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points against the New York Knicks (snerk) in a game. And the Dayton Daily News poses a good question: how would it be covered today? Oh, there’s nothing better to do. Let’s speculate.

(1) The game would not have been on national television, because the Philadelphia Warriors already locked up the second seed and the Knicks were in last place.

(2) Halfway through the game, ESPN would break into a SportsCenter update and show highlights of Chamberlain’s 41 first-half points, saying he’s on pace to break his own record of points in a game with 78.

(3) On Deadspin, about five people threadjack DUAN with news of the game.

(4) ESPN interrupts their Sunday night special: “Roger Maris: Greatest Baseball Player Ever?” with live feed from the game.

(5) SportsCenter leads off the show with the game highlights, the live press conference from the game, quotes from the coach, teammates, opposing players, and then re-runs it three more times throughout the show. Also, he’s #1-10 on the Top Plays segment.

(6) The Drudge Report throws a siren on the front page, but it’s not about the game. No, it appears JFK had an illegitimate baby. (The game’s mentioned, though. Right column, third from bottom.)

The next day:

(7) Panelists on Around The Horn debate on whether or nor Chamberlain is a selfish teammate. Half agree, while the other half agree that the Warriors are in trouble because Chamberlain is the only person that can score for the team.

(8) That night’s SportsCenter still talks about the game’s placement in history, since it’s a Monday night in March. The same highlights are replayed in the background as analysts debate if Wilt Chamberlain is the league’s greatest player. Skip Bayless says no.

Two days later:

(9) The New York Post gets exclusive photos of the girl Wilt Chamberlain was spotted with in public the night before his 100-point game. This makes the girl he was with the next night jealous, prompting her to do a photoshoot for FHM.

After the season was over:

(10) Rumors surface that Wilt Chamberlain demanded to be traded on news that the team was moving to San Francisco. These rumors are denied, and nothing materializes from them.

46 years later:

(11) With nothing better to talk about, the media ponders how Chamberlain’s famous 100-point game would have been covered had there been a hi-def uranium holovisi-camera present inside the arena and micro-chip heart-rate monitors embedded inside all the players.

Wilt’s 100 Has Mystery That’s Absent In Sports World Today [Dayton Daily News]

Randy Moss’s Lesser-Rumored Options [Phun With Photoshop]

Continue Reading March 2nd, 2008

Assuming you don’t believe MJD’s theory that the Patriots already have a deal with Randy Moss and just want to see other teams twist in the wind, the rumors regarding Moss’s next destination have been scattered and speculative. Randy Moss to Dallas. Randy Moss to the Giants. Randy Moss to the CFL, even*.

But why limit it just to football teams? SportsWrap did a bang-up job of splicing together some of Randy Moss’s free agency options. The WNBA one might be the best one, which you’ve already concluded since I went through the trouble of rehosting and renaming it. Being a lacrosse player is another option, although evidently he’ll have to paint his legs white.

What next, are Randy Moss and Daunte Culpepper going to agree to sign as free agents for the same team? Why, that’ll be a cold day in … oh, this one’s true. At least as far as rumors can be classified as “true.”

* - I just made this one up, but let’s see if it picks up any steam anywhere.

Where Might The Freak End Up? [SportsWrap]
Randy Moss Appears To Be Available [Shutdown Corner]
Moss, Culpepper Talk About Reuniting Via Free Agency [ESPN]

Eric Byrnes Can Tolerate Men Staring At His Junk [Awkward Urine Tests]

Continue Reading March 2nd, 2008

We haven’t heard much from Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes in the offseason, but we can only guarantee it was something EXTREME AND WHOLLY UNPREDICTABLE! ZIGGITY SWISH! He’s back this year, and his Diamondbacks were among the first to be drug tested. Byrnes is absolutely comfortable with the process, even if it means a stranger’s prying eyes on his yambag.

The Chicago Sun-Times brings home the money quote:

“I’d prefer not to have a grown man standing there looking at my pickle, but if they have to do it for the sake of the game, I’m in. They watch the whole thing.”

What a professional. No word on whether he’d support an HGH test if it meant a drug tester had to rub his nipples.

It’s a good thing men are administering the drug tests, though. If it were women, more than likely it’d be impossible to keep that thing down on a regular basis. Although that seems like the kind of endurance test that the WACKY AND COLORFUL Eric Byrnes might enjoy.

First In Line [Chicago Sun-Times] (fourth item down)