Yeah, yeah, so the NBA All-Star Game is this weekend. Yawn. There’s not much more dull these days than the 3-point contest and the slam dunk competition, and the game itself … no thanks. But worry not, basketball fans: There’s an antidote in the very same city: It’s the Development League All-Star Weekend!
We don’t think the D-League gets enough love, and that’s not just because they play H-O-R-S-E on their All-Star Weekend. (Though they do.) Or because they have Rod Benson. (Though they have him too.)
Why love the D-League? So many reasons. Hardwood Paroxsym revs up its manifesto:
We’re stunned by the disdain many NBA fans have of the D-League. It’s WNBA-proportions at times. Now, indifference, that makes sense. Apathy, assuredly. Ignorance, even, is commonplace and to be expected. But there’s a legitimate “This is a dumb idea, they should scrap it” flow amongst the fans. Why? There are both theoretical and pragmatic reasons to approach the D-League with open arms.
We’re gonna have Hardwood Paroxsym at the D-League All-Star Game this weekend, so expect a full report. We care. We definitely care. Kind of.
All told, as the dust has settled from Roger Clemens’ appearance before Congress yesterday, one thing is clear: There is, in fact, a worse stance to take under oath than “I’m not here to talk about this past.” And it involves ass bleeding.
As the quite amusing 236.com updates its Dickipedia entry on Clemens, we sit back and wonder why Clemens put himself through all this. He’s the one who fought the Mitchell Report charges so vehemently, and those denials are the real reason he was up there yesterday anyway. And yesterday only made him look like more of a liar.
Clemens spoke haltingly, answered evasively, contradicted himself, and whispered with his lawyers when asked to explain these contradictions. Perhaps, like Sammy Sosa in 2005, he would’ve been better off claiming he didn’t speak English.
So where does Clemens go from here? Is there anything he can do? We don’t think so; we think this was the final step. What more can the man say about steroids at this point? It’s over for him.
This is yet another reason why most baseball players shouldn’t talk.
To introduce today’s Media Approval Ratings discussion feller, we thought we’d head to Wikipedia and see what fascinating facts we could drum up about Greg Gumbel.
Not surprisingly, there aren’t many.
• Was born in New Orleans but went to college in Iowa.
• Once sold hospital supplies.
• Once hosted the Daytona 500.
• Has a somewhat well-known brother.
That was all we came up with. Sorry.
Anyway, do you like the Greg Gumbel? Do you not like the Greg Gumbel? Let us know.
You’ll have to forgive us, considering this happened pretty early in the day yesterday, but, well … sometimes we just can’t help ourselves. We have to point out legendary romantic Ryan Dempster’s bold proclamation for the Cubs this season.
Some of you might note that this year is the 100th anniversary of the Cubs’ last World Series title. (Some of you, if you’re like us, will note this often, and loudly.) Ryan Dempster says that’s the perfect number; the Cubs are totally winning the World Series this time. He’s actually assuring it.
“I think we’re going to win the World Series, I really do. I wouldn’t come here and worked as hard as I did, and everyone worked as hard as they did, to not believe that. I think it’s funny when people make predictions or they say things and people are like, ‘Oh, how can you say that? You believe it. You really do. Enough of all the b.s., and the curse this, the curse that, the goat, the black cat, or the 100 years (without a championship). … Whatever it is, we’re a better team than we were last year, I truly believe.”
Everyone pause, as Cubs fans from across this great nation slit their collective wrists … and we Cardinals fans just chuckle, the way you chuckle at a small child who can’t figure out how to use that yo-yo but won’t stop trying.
Try not to take him too seriously, Cubs fans: In addition to predicting the Cubs winning … the … sorry, we just couldn’t finish that sentence … anyway, in addition to that, Dempster is the guy who points out that he, in fact, a ninja.
Brady Quinn would like to make it clear: He does not hate gay people. Responding to accusations that he hurled gay slurs at a group of men in a New Year’s Eve altercation in Columbus, Ohio, Quinn said on Wednesday that, nope, it never happened. And furthermore, you know that Brokeback Mountain sequel they just shelved? Let’s just say that it’s back on, as long as filming occurs during the NFL offseason.
Quinn, denying all:
“At no time that night was I involved in a verbal or physical altercation, nor did I have any interaction with the police,” Quinn said in the statement. “I want to be clear that I did not engage in any of the alleged conduct, nor did I make inappropriate comments to anyone. Any allegations to the contrary are either untrue or the result of misidentification.”
But …
However, Columbus police said when they arrived Quinn was arguing with 32-year-old Jason Thompson.
Oops. Looks like another congressional hearing on the horizon. I hope they get to the bottom of this; I’m sure we all have questions. Like, who spends New Year’s Eve in Columbus, Ohio?
Brady Quinn would like to make it clear: He does not hate gay people. Responding to accusations that he hurled gay slurs at a group of men in a New Year’s Eve altercation in Columbus, Ohio, Quinn said on Wednesday that, nope, it never happened. And furthermore, you know that Brokeback Mountain sequel they just shelved? Let’s just say that it’s back on, as long as filming occurs during the NFL offseason.
Quinn, denying all:
“At no time that night was I involved in a verbal or physical altercation, nor did I have any interaction with the police,” Quinn said in the statement. “I want to be clear that I did not engage in any of the alleged conduct, nor did I make inappropriate comments to anyone. Any allegations to the contrary are either untrue or the result of misidentification.”
But …
However, Columbus police said when they arrived Quinn was arguing with 32-year-old Jason Thompson.
Oops. Looks like another congressional hearing on the horizon. I hope they get to the bottom of this; I’m sure we all have questions. Like, who spends New Year’s Eve in Columbus, Ohio?
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who cannot freaking believe that Devean George - Devean George!! - foiled Jason Kidd’s trade to Dallas. Wow. When he’s not paralyzed with disbelief, he can be found sitting there with his mouth hanging open at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
• McLovin’s our friend! We should be guiding his cock, not blocking it! I know Will’s covering the Jason Kidd non-trade, but I just had to say one thing: This is the single biggest cockblock in NBA history. I don’t mean to come off like Bill Walton Jr., but damn. How does a guy who’s making $2 million a year and is probably three months from being out of the league prevent a blockbuster trade for a first ballot Hall-of-Famer? And he had to play (and play badly) for Dallas the very same night. That’s like showing up to family dinner a few hours after you decided to pull grandpa off of life support. Simply put, it’s superdickery on a grand and historic scale. Okay. I’m done.
• That kid’s a freak! He’s a freak! He’s the fasted kid alive! The Cavaliers sure couldn’t keep up with Manu Ginobili, who ran circles around them by shooting 15-for-20 from the field - and 8-for-11 from the Land of Three - on his way to scoring a season-high 46 points. Thanks to Ginobili’s flaming fingertips, the Spurs threw down 41 points in the fourth quarter to rally for a 112-105 win, despite a typically crazy-good game from Lebron (39 points, 6 rebounds, 9 assists) and another strong outing for the suddenly lifelike Larry Hughes (26 points, 11-for-19 shooting). New player watch: Damon Stoudamire had zero points (0-for-4), 3 rebounds, and 3 assists for the Spurs.
• Okay, calm down. Calm down, she likes you. She wants to suck on your penis. That’s a good thing. It’s the best. I’m guessing a lot of people will want to suck on Dwight Howard’s penis after he sunk the Denver Nuggets’ battleship with 23 points and 24 rebounds, and that includes his coach, Stan Van Gundy, who called Howard out for a lack of effort after the Magic lost to Cleveland on Monday. During the postgame press conference, Van Gundy said, “We’ve seen games like this out of him before. It’s not like Stan Van Gundy’s a motivational genius and got Dwight to play.” Hm. Maybe, maybe not. But Matt McHale wonders why Van Gundy speaks in the third person. Matt McHale thinks that’s weird, but then, what does Matt McHale know? (I’ll tell you: He knows that the Magic won 109-98.)
• I am McLovin! Ray Allen is an All-Star again…for the eighth time to be exact. Ray-Ray is replacing injured Washington forward Caron Butler, and he celebrated by scoring 21 points in the Celtics’ 111-103 beating of the Knicks. Boston was already without Kevin Garnett and Kendrick Perkins, and then they lost Brian Scalabrine (masturbation catastrophe) and Glen “Big Baby” Davis (uh…twisted knee?). Fortunately for the Celtics, they were playing the Knicks, and everybody beats them.
• It’s just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff and I have to hide every erection I get. Kobe Bryant scored 29 points and six Lakers reached double figures as the Blue and Gold obliterated the Minnesota Timberwolves 117-92 to finish their nine-game road trip with a 7-2 record. Pau Gasol racked up 19 points and 9 rebounds, while Lamar Odom had a triple double with 10 points, 16 rebounds, and 10 assists. Minnesota’s Al Jefferson wolfed out with 19 points and 9 rebounds and Randy Foye padded his scoring average with 18.
• It’s like having two cocks…if one of your cocks could kill someone! I bet when Dirk Nowitzki found out that Devean George cockblocked the Kidd trade, he wanted to choke a bitch. And that’s exactly what he did, only in this case the “bitch” was the Portland Trailblazers. Nowitzki pulled out his, uh, gun and blasted his way to a season-high 37 points and the Mavs won 96-76. George, who was starting only because of an injury to Josh Howard (and because Dirk hadn’t had a chance to kill him yet) scored zero points on 0-for-11 shooting. You know, I think he might have been a little distracted. Brandon Roy had 25 points for the Blazers.
• I assume you all have guns and crack. Because let’s face it, the Suns and Warriors were gunnin’ and playin’ at a high-out-of-their-damn-minds pace. The Golden Staters won 120-118 in a game that had fantasy basketball managers flipping out all over the country. Monta Ellis had 37 points and 9 rebounds, Baron Davis chipped in 27 points and 13 assists, and Stephen Jackson crazied his way to 19 points. The losing team was led by Amare Stoudemire’s 29 points and 13 rebounds. Or was it Grant Hill’s 26 and 15? Hell, maybe it was Steve Nash’s 20 points and 12 assists. You know what? Who cares. With a game like this, everybody wins. (Except Phoenix, ’cause they lost.) New player watch: Chris Webber was inactive for the Warriors. Well…that didn’t take long.
Of all the comments in the wake of the Jason Kidd trade that was, oddly, blocked by Devean George of all people, our favorite might have been in the live blog of the Mavs’ game against the Blazers:
Devean George went scoreless in the first half, missing six shots from the floor (three 3-pointes) and a pair of free throws. He did contribute a couple assists and a steal to the Mavs’ cause. Maybe George is trying to prove to the Mavs’ brass that he can shoot like Jason Kidd.
Pretty much. Far be it from us to tell Mark Cuban how to do his job — oh, crap: Did we just do something unethical by mentioning his name in a place other than GQ magazine? We hope not — but if this deal is unable to be reconstructed, we think this might ultimately be for the best. And not just because it’s a big pain in the ass to transfer a spousal restraining order from New Jersey to Texas.
Yeah, yeah, so the NBA All-Star Game is this weekend. Yawn. There’s not much more dull these days than the 3-point contest and the slam dunk competition, and the game itself … no thanks. But worry not, basketball fans: There’s an antidote in the very same city: It’s the Development League All-Star Weekend!
To introduce today’s Media Approval Ratings discussion feller, we thought we’d head to 
You’ll have to forgive us, considering this happened pretty early in the day yesterday, but, well … sometimes we just can’t help ourselves. We have to point out 
Brady Quinn would like to make it clear: He does not hate gay people. Responding to accusations 
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who cannot freaking believe that Devean George - Devean George!! - foiled Jason Kidd’s trade to Dallas. Wow. When he’s not paralyzed with disbelief, he can be found sitting there with his mouth hanging open at 
Of all the comments in the wake of the Jason Kidd trade that was, oddly, blocked by Devean George of all people, our favorite might have been in the 