Attention bloggers: There’s now no reason to ever again wear pants. The SportRobe is here! (No truth to the rumors that the Orioles are using these as their actual home uniforms). Several models available; and we suppose that Marbury is wearing his pretty much constantly. And Seaver, of course, routinely goes commando underneath his. Or so we’ve heard. And do you suppose that Pennington wears his during games? That would be awesome, to see his robe flapping in the breeze as he scrambles out of the pocket, revealing Hello Kitty boxer shorts and socks suspenders. That would explain so much.
Other uses for SportRobe:
• Mop up all the blood. The cops will never know!
• Sports themed parties at Hef’s.
• Reenact all the scenes in Cuckoo’s Nest. We want the World Series, nurse Ratchett!
• You are Moses, and your bathtub is the Red Sea.
• El Guapo model comfortably fits two for Sunday morning snuggling.
The first Presidential candidate to be seen in a SportRobe gets my vote for sure. (Offer not good for Fred Thompson).
No matter how excited you might be for Sunday’s Cowboys-Giants game, we assure you, your 16-year-old mistress niece is more so. Because she wants to see if Jessica Simpson is going to be there. (We think. Honestly, we don’t know any teenagers. Swear.)
Anyway, the talented and versatile Ms. Simpson has not announced whether or not she’s going to be in Irving for the game this Sunday, so Vegas is, as they tend to do, putting odds on it.
Yes (Must be shown on TV) -120
No (Any wagers placed after the result is public knowledge will be no action) -120
You Been Blinded points out that Romo and Simpson could make some serious cash simply by betting and then having her show up. (Or otherwise.) Would that count as gambling on football? We wouldn’t think so.
Almost anyone who has ever dealt with ESPN’s Len Pasquarelli tells us he’s kind of a dick. And by “kind of a dick,” we mean, “actively chewing the heads off kittens while he’s speaking to you.” You can add Portfolio magazine’s Jeff Bercovici to that list.
Bercovici, working on a story about ageism, called Pasquarelli to discuss a comment he’d made about Joe Gibbs being “too old” to coach the Redskins. Pasquarelli apparently isn’t used to being questioned.
Moments into our conversation, Pasquarelli accused me of trying to “ambush” him after hearing the sound of my typing. Was this meant to be an interview? he demanded. Of course, I said; that was why I had identified myself as “calling from Portfolio magazine.”
Nevertheless, Pasquarelli felt I had misled him by not explicitly stating that I was calling to interview him; he had been under the impression that I was simply a fellow journalist calling to compare notes. I apologized for not being clearer, and attempted to explain that I had tried to send him an email laying out who I was and why I wanted to talk.
It gets better: Later, Pasquarelli lectures Bercovici on the “rules” of journalism. (Telling Len that he does a blog for Portfolio might have been a mistake on Bercovici’s part; never, ever say the word “blog” to an ESPN personality.)
Bercovici eventually hung up, exhausted by the “conversation.” And who said ESPN wasn’t accountable?
You might not have realized it, but Scottie Pippen, member of the NBA’s All-Century Team, is still playing basketball. In Finland.
His team is Helsinki ToPo, and with Pippen, the ToPos are 2-0. Pippen is averaging 10.5 pts and 8 boards in 26 minutes. But his game has changed a bit; he chucked up 16 3-pointers in those games, hitting only two. He shoots like MJ’s kid now!
Some scary news from those storms in Arkansas: It appears everyone’s favorite NFL scoopster lost his house.
Chris Mortensen woke up yesterday morning to learn most of his home and landscaping had been destroyed.
What was once a tranquil home for Chris Mortensen and his family, turned upside down during Monday night’s bout with severe weather. “I didn’t know what happened until I woke up in the morning. I looked around, and told my wife, ‘you need to get up.’ I don’t think she was too excited to look at it all,” says Mortensen.
It may take up to six months to clean everything up. But in the meantime, he says he will be better prepared the next time a storm hits. He says, “I’m a light sleeper, but you can’t worry about this kind of stuff. God’s in control, and he’s protecting us.”
We wish Mortensen luck in reconstructing his home; we’ve had family members’ homes destroyed by tornadoes in the past, so we know how awful that can be. We just feel extra bad for Mortensen, because he had just reported that, according to sources, his house was going to be just fine. Hey, it happens.
Continuing the long tradition of people who have been laid to rest while wearing the gear of their favorite NFL team, that guy who was killed by the tiger at the San Francisco Zoo was sent to his great reward on Tuesday while wearing a … you guessed it … Oakland Raiders jersey. No word on what jersey the tiger was wearing at its funeral.
The teenager killed Christmas Day by an escaped tiger at the San Francisco Zoo was laid to rest Tuesday in an Oakland Raiders jersey as his two friends who survived the attack looked on. Seventeen-year-old Carlos Sousa Jr. of San Jose was remembered during funeral ceremonies that spanned two days as a hip-hop aficionado and an avid fan of the silver and black.
Do Raiders fans have the worst damned luck on the planet? The “tuck rule,” the “Immaculate Reception,” and now they’re literally getting eaten by tigers? Of course, the horror doesn’t end there. The two survivors are being represented by Mark Geragos (shudder).
The NFL season is winding to a close, and things are getting pretty exciting. But it’s also getting tortuously serious. What if you got into football not for stats and paydays but just the sheer fun of the game? What if you simply want to run fast on a wall with streaks behind you and do The Worm? For you, friend, for you — there is NFL Tour.
A new demo of the game has just been dropped onto Xbox Live for your turbo-juking, casual dressing enjoyment. Speaking as big fans of NFL Blitz, we’re looking forward to giving another arcade-style pigskin game a whirl. But we’re more interested in hearing what you think. Share your thoughts right after the break.
Merciless boos in his home arena, eight-foot pink slips calling for his job, sexual harassment claims; Isiah Thomas has heard, seen and squeezed it all. And yet still he stands tall; an unwavering pillar of grinning cocksureness. Until now.
Via Marc Berman’s Knicks Blog: a duo of NYK die-hards — Genovese from Yonkers and Gustapo from Queens — and their new rap song, “Fire Isiah.” If this doesn’t break Zeke, nothing will!
A few of the lyrics:
I been reppin’ the Knicks, lil’ kid around the mid eighties,
Bernard King, Cartwright, shorts tight crazy,
Patrick came, Mark Jackson came,
Pat Riley, Van Gundy showed us the D game,
Starks grabbed his jersey always repped NY,
Oakman and Mase always played with pride,
Last of the true Knicks Camby and Kurt Thomas split,
Now here comes Isiah now we turned to spit,
Got the highest payroll but the worst chemistry fit,
I got “Fire Isiah” tattooed on my wrist.
Your rap-battle move, Isiah. If you need a ghostwriter, call me. I know many, many words that rhyme with “sunt.” Like, off the top of my head: “cunt.” (For example.)
Attention bloggers: There’s now no reason to ever again wear pants. The SportRobe is here! (No truth to the rumors that the Orioles are using these as their actual home uniforms). Several models available; and we suppose that Marbury is wearing his pretty much constantly. And Seaver, of course, routinely goes commando underneath his. Or so we’ve heard. And do you suppose that Pennington wears his during games? That would be awesome, to see his robe flapping in the breeze as he scrambles out of the pocket, revealing Hello Kitty boxer shorts and socks suspenders. That would explain so much.
No matter how excited you might be for Sunday’s Cowboys-Giants game, we assure you, your 16-year-old 
Almost anyone who has ever dealt with ESPN’s Len Pasquarelli tells us he’s kind of a dick. And by “kind of a dick,” we mean, “actively chewing the heads off kittens while he’s speaking to you.” You can add 
Some scary news from those storms in Arkansas: It appears everyone’s favorite NFL scoopster 
Continuing the long tradition of people who have been laid to rest while wearing the gear of their favorite NFL team, that guy who was killed by the tiger at the San Francisco Zoo was sent to his great reward on Tuesday while wearing a … you guessed it … 
Merciless boos in his home arena, eight-foot pink slips calling for his job, sexual harassment claims; Isiah Thomas has heard, seen and squeezed it all. And yet still he stands tall; an unwavering pillar of grinning cocksureness. Until now.