Archive for December 23rd, 2007
Continue Reading December 23rd, 2007
Because that’s pretty much all the 49ers have left to stay motivated at this point. Their record helps that pick they famously gave to New England continue to plummet. A silly little upset of Tampa Bay puts them at 5-10 and currently the Patriots pick 8th.
Luke McCown could have tied the game with a 2-point conversion to Mark Clayton, but it just wasn’t good at all because Clayton’s tippy toes landed on the back end zone line. Your receiving abilities are bad and you should feel bad.
This was also San Francisco defensive tackle Bryant Young’s final home game. He’s retiring? I didn’t even know he was sick. 49ers 21, Bucs 19
With the game well out of reach, CBS showed a picture of Bill Belichick’s beloved St. Louis Rams voodoo doll. Of all the things I make up on the fly, this is not one of them. This might explain the pinpricks found in Marc Bulger’s ribs. Also, I’m having trouble discerning when the game ends and the “60 Minutes” interview with Tom Brady begins. Patriots 28, Dolphins 7
Vince Young makes about half his throws and is responsible for a couple of touchdowns. Yes indeedy, just another routine win for Tennessee. If they beat Indianapolis next week — and it sounds like Colts will not play any starters, since their playoff future is already in stone — they steal the final Wild Card seat from Cleveland. Titans 10, Jets 6
Hats off to the Baltimore Ravens for not getting shut out. That’s really all I can say about this one. Seahawks 27, Cardinals Ravens 6
I know what you’re thinking. The Cardinals-Falcons game has to be the best one. But it’s in overtime. And it’s the Cardinals and Falcons. So screw ‘em. Time for Hungry Howie’s.
UPDATE: Cardinals nail a field goal in overtime. All is well in the desert.
Continue Reading December 23rd, 2007
A cursory look at the 1 o’clock games led one to make a face comparable to sniffing a plate of expired deli meat. But sometimes expired meat is salvageable, which led to the creation of the hot dog. Similarly, this bundle of games gave us a couple of surprises.
What’s really impressive about the Bears win over Green Bay isn’t that they pounded them by 28, but that they did so with only two offensive touchdowns and made it look like they had a nice clean set of five offensive touchdowns, or at least one score by Devin Hester. That didn’t happen. They had two defensive returns, two field goals, and one of them new age fangled 2-point conversions on top of Orton’s throw and Adrian Peterson’s run. So they shoulda had something goofy like 29 points. Garrett Wolfe was the leading receiver. And they won by 28. Today makes no sense. Bears 35, Packers 7
(Speaking of no sense: the Bears won both games against the Packers. The Lions won both games against the Bears. Sure.)
When everything was said and done, Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw combined for 296 yards and three touchdowns on the ground. This gave Eli Manning ample time to glue rhinestones to his outgoing Christmas cards. Giants 38, Bills 21
If I had a nickel for every time I heard the phrase “We keep forgetting about the Colts this year.” How can we keep forgetting about them if we keep bringing them up? That kind of logic doesn’t make any… hey, how about those Colts? Don’t forget about them. Colts 38, Texans 15
Welp, it was fun to contend for the AFC North while it lasted. Bengals 19, Browns 14
Oakland really made this game close once once time expired, Jacksonville went to the locker room to celebrate, and Dominic Rhodes kept running into the end zone saying “Touchdown!” every time he re-crossed the line. The touchdowns were nullified, however, because the Jaguars didn’t have enough men on the field and Lane Kiffin kept accidentally accepting the penalties.Jaguars 49, Raiders 11
It’s that time of year again when the Eagles are out of the playoffs, Donovan McNabb plays well and people lay off the “maybe someone else should quarterback mantra.” But what we keep forgetting is that the Indianapolis Colts are good too. Only a year ago they won the Super Bowl. Eagles 38, Saints 23
Starting a winning streak in Week 16 does a team little good. Lions 25, Chiefs 20
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Don’t forget about the Indianapolis Colts. You know, they won the Super Bowl last year!
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Continue Reading December 23rd, 2007
For as much as he’s been through this year, injured Bills tight end Kevin Everett has to be all confused why the Giants aren’t exactly collapsing according to plan this late in the season.
After falling into a 14-0 hole, the Giants tied it up by riding Brandon Jacobs into the end zone twice. (I picture a little yoke and covered wagon myself, and Tom Coughlin yelling at the sun for not reaching high noon by 11:55.) A field goal gave them the lead halftway through the game. Giants 17, Bills 14
The Ortonator is doing a commendable job of what one may call “managing the game,” which means he isn’t throwing touchdowns or interceptions, and the only time his offense is stalling is when they’re in field goal range. Bears 13, Packers 7
It’s been 16 weeks and, nope, still don’t understand that Peyton Manning cell phone commercial. Colts 24, Texans 7
Sure enough, Lane Kiffin promised us JaMarcus Russell in this game, and by gum JaMarcus Russell is in this game. Fortunately, he made no promises to him playing well. Jaguars 28, Raiders 3
This impressive 9-5 start by the Cleveland Browns was all an elaborate prank leading up to this seemingly meaningless game against Cincinnati. Isn’t it?
ISN’T IT?! I knew it. Bengals 19, Browns 0
The Lions are scoring in all sorts of ways. Rushing touchdown. Field goal. Defensive touchdown. Special teams safety. All I need is “dropkick PAT” to complete my bingo card. Lions 19, Chiefs 14
Also, this game’s happening, bringing much interest to fantasy general managers. Every championship game is likely riding on the X-factor of Aaron Stecker. (Yes, he has two touchdowns. Nice free-agent pickup, you.) Eagles 24, Saints 17
Continue Reading December 23rd, 2007
Let’s see if I got this right. The Miami Heat are still supposed to be good because Shaquille O’Neal is still tall, Dwyane Wade is still making commercials, and Pat Riley’s hair gel also doubles as a love potion, or so claimed the highly motivated salesman and his cardboard kiosk. But even after Wade’s amazing game-winning shot as time expired, the Heat are a piddly 8-19 this season. Which is only, I think, fifth in the Eastern Conference.
Elsewhere In Piss Poor Teams With Great Final Shots News — The Philadelphia 76ers found themselves with a last-second win, thanks to Andre Iguodala’s magical jumper against … Memphis? That can’t be right. I though they beat Georgetown. Hmm… no, it clearly says “Memphis.” Maybe they played a doubleheader. I’ll look further into this.
Also, I’m quite the proponent of tearing off one’s jersey after a big shot, which is what Iguodala did after he made his shot. I’m sure that wins the opposing fans’ hearts over much easier. “You just beat our team, I’m so pissed at you right… wait, who do you play for? It doesn’t say. So… you might be on our team! Yay, athlete!”
People Train Runs Out of Stubbville — It almost wasn’t a fair fight for the Charlotte Bobcats to, after 11 hours of rerouted flights and delayed takeoffs, have to play an NBA basketball team. Yi Jianlian took advantage of this, scoring a season-high 29 points. Perhaps from here on out Milly-wau-kay can simply hope that the other team always has to travel half the continental United States with much difficulty. Then again, I’m hoping for that too. I would love to see a team have to play a game after they fly coach. That would be too much fun.
You Call Them Steamed Hams, Despite The Fact They’re Obviously Grilled — It would take some Principal Skinner-caliber theatrics to impress Toronto Raptors fans after last night. “Look, Chris Bosh scored 42 points. That’s a lot!” But what was the final score of the game? “Well … they … didn’t keep score.” They didn’t keep score. Against the Suns? In this part of the season? In this part of the country? “…Yes.” Oh, well then. Chris Bosh, 42 points. Amazing!
Hey, Know Who’s Really Bad At This Sport? The Minnesota Timberwolves. They lost by 34 points to New Orleans. I would have also accepted “Chicago” as a viable answer. What they did was lose by 18 at home to Houston.
Continue Reading December 23rd, 2007
I’m sure everyone involved in the Dallas Cowboys organization would love to get home to their families by Sol Invictus, but they all have some unfinished business even after beating the Carolina Panthers 20-13 last night.
The Cowboys trainers are furiously trying to iron out that Matt Moore-shaped groove in the front of DeMarcus Ware’s jersey. Terrell Owens has to undergo an MRI on his ankle to see just how wobbly it is. Jerry Jones has to call up Panthers owner Jerry Richardson and finish slapping him around a bit with his Super Bowl ring.
But in terms of actual football responsibilities, they got all that out of the way. Oddly enough, not once did Tony Romo drop back to pass, turn his head right, see all those paper copies of his sexy, sexy girlfriend, then shriek in terror and fumble the ball. Punter Mat McBriar, however, was pretty bored during the game, so his wandering eyes made it difficult to stand up and take the field on 4th downs. (This is exactly why Dallas was 3-for-3 on 4th down conversions.)
Removing doubt from the five perpetual optimists in Charlotte, this loss mathematically takes them out of the playoffs, ergo only imaginary numbers could save them now. Steve Smith has endured more than one horrible season with the Panthers, but every time they barely lose, Smith typically has something to do with avoiding the beatdown. You have to wonder how awesome Smith would be were he thrown to his entire career by quarterbacks with fully developed motor skills. Over 75 percent of the Panthers passing game went through Little No. 89. He must really like wearing that shade of baby blue, because he sort of deserves better.
Dallas Cowboys QB Romo shakes off adversity [Dallas Morning News]
