Archive for December 13th, 2007
Continue Reading December 13th, 2007
Whew! OK, now everyone can just relax and read the whole actual Mitchell Report. We’re sure everyone will be drawing up a Cognac and poring through tonight.
Well, perhaps not, but we’ve devoured pretty much the whole thing — it’s a quick read — and we can say with 100 percent certainty that we are no closer to the truth about steroids in Major League Baseball over the last 20 years than we were this morning. (The Sporting Blog states this in the plainest, most eloquent way possible.) Bud Selig gave his press conference of empty platitudes, Suzyn Waldman stopped touching herself (as Drew memorably put it), Theo Epstein took a couple of hits and we all got to titter and speculate for a while. (And we got to see Jose Canseco kicked out of the press conference.)
But honestly: This is what MLB paid $20 million for? This took nearly two years? Essentially, Sen. Mitchell has two sources, a bunch of media reports, Jose Canseco’s book and every player in baseball (save two) ignoring his requests to talk. The only reason Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte are in here is because they were unfortunate enough to have acquaintances who had no choice but to talk. The report has brought us no closer, because nothing possibly could. We don’t think this is going to bring us any closure, because the report is so obviously not comprehensive.
Everyone wants us to move on. That’s fine with us; we’ve been wanting to do that for a while anyway. But the people in this document are guilty scapegoats; they’re the unlucky folks who got caught. (Kind of.) Is that enough to discontinue suspicion of everyone? They hope so. We highly doubt it.
(Huge, huge thanks to Greg Lindsay, Noah Robischon and Matt Sussman for their help today. Now, we’re gonna go sleep for a few days.)
Continue Reading December 13th, 2007
Hey, so here’s something: There’s an NFL game tonight! No, really! Don’t worry, though: It’s a game between two teams you don’t care about, on a network you can’t watch. So relax.
It’s the Broncos vs. the Texans, and the best we can say about the game is that it will definitely, 100 percent not feature David Carr. Since most of you won’t be able to watch it, if you’re salivatingly desperate for fan updates, here’s Mile High Report and Texans Locker.
But we’re sure you’re not that desperate. We just wanted to remind you to update your fantasy lineup. It’s the playoffs, after all.
Continue Reading December 13th, 2007
This picture was taken at a recent charity event in Atlanta for homeless pets. We cannot put a finger on why it mesmerizes us so, but man, it does. We feel like we just watched that home movie in “The Ring.” And we’re not sure why. But hey: No Chipper in the steroid report!
Continue Reading December 13th, 2007
So you don’t have to sift through the whole document, we’re gonna call out some key pages.
To us, this is the most amazing section of the whole Mitchell Report. Essentially, Dr. Robert Millman, the medical director of MLB, told a doctor who had criticized Mark McGwire’s use of andro that “everyone in baseball is irritated with you” and “if you don’t shut up, they’re going to sue you.
And that’s not all. Another great section:
Bill Stoneman, who retired in 2007 as the general manager of the Los Angeles
Angels, had a similar recollection of a presentation by Drs. Millman and Solomon. He
remembered wondering at the time why Major League Baseball had permitted the presentation,
which to his recollection included the assertion that there was no evidence that anabolic steroids
were bad for you. He said that the baseball executives in attendance were universally frustrated
with the message of leniency that was being conveyed.
That’s pretty amazing.
Continue Reading December 13th, 2007
Who can make the sun rise? Sprinkle it with dew? Fred Smoot can, that’s who! How could an energy bar endorsed by the former Vikings sex boat participant — and produced by a company named 3Way Enterprises — not be a major success? Introducing the Smack Energy Bar!
Want another testimonial? “It’s got chopped up Viagra in it,” Portis said. ” I’m telling you, it’s an aphrodisiac.” Now before anyone gets all worked up, Portis was joking. But it’s worth noting, again, that the Web site has some incredible copy writers. A new interactive site will launch sometime in the spring; the current site, to give just one small example, asks consumers to “try not to tear the part of the wrap with the bar code as you rush to rip open your smack bars and unleash the chocolate ecstasy onto your tongue.”
To which we ask the musical question: You Smackin’ it?
Smack: You’ve Never Tasted Anything Like This [DC Sports Bog]
Hall Of Fame Inductee: Vikings Sex Boat [Deadspin]
Continue Reading December 13th, 2007
So you don’t have to sift through the whole document, we’re gonna call out some key pages.
The Baltimore Orioles traded Miguel Tejada to the Houston Astros yesterday. Their timing was impeccable.
Continue Reading December 13th, 2007
So you don’t have to sift through the whole document, we’re gonna call out some key pages.
Ladies and gentleman, we present you with Giants general manager Brian Sabean, the direct polar opposite of a whistleblower.
Continue Reading December 13th, 2007
New Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino wrote this nice little letter to his team after bolting on them in the middle of the season. (Wisely, but still.) Falcons cornerback Lawyer Milloy was eager to add his own addendum.
Yes, Lawyer scratched out Petrino’s name and wrote in “COWARD.” He then eagerly provided it to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
We’re not sure leaving a job as coach of the Atlanta Falcons qualifies someone as a “coward,” but hey: We’re no lawyer.
Milloy Replaces Petrino Signature With Coward On Farewell Letter [Sports By Brooks]
Letter From Petrino Elicits ‘Coward’ Reply [Atlanta Journal Constitution]
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