Archive for December 2nd, 2007
Continue Reading December 2nd, 2007
With just four games on the 4 o’clock table, three turned out to be amazing, while the fourth turned out to be Denver-Oakland, which was still passable as a competitive event.
There’s suddenly a three-way tie for the final playoff spot in the NFC: Minnesota, Arizona, and Detroit are all 6-6. Chicago, Washington, Philadelphia, and Carolina all hang at 5-7. The rankings and computers will have a tough time picking one of those four teams to play in the … wait, wrong league.
Let’s get to the games, and if you want to, pretend I’m the online version of Terry Bradshaw, typing the recaps in one long run-on sentence:
• One of the sickest trick plays I’ve ever seen came in the Browns-Cardinals game on a 2-point conversion, where kick returner Josh Cribbs lined up at tailback, Derek Anderson faked the “walk over to the deaf-ass wideout to explain the play,” and the snap went to Cribbs, who faked the draw and tapped into his Kent State quarterbacking skills, lobbing the ball to Kellen Winslow. There were about three spices of fake in there. Simply stunning, and it came off a questionable long touchdown by Braylon Edwards in which he appeared to have been down by contact.
Fat lot of good it did, though, because Arizona was able to stave off the equine nads of Derek Anderson’s last-second, 4th-down heave into the end zone, which was caught by Kellen Winslow but was pushed out of bounds and ruled out. (I watched this game out of free will over the Bears-Giants, if you hadn’t noticed.) Cardinals 27, Browns 21
• McCown Comma Josh added one more passing score for a total of three on the day, and Justin Fargas made Father Huggy Bear proud with 142 yards and a touchdown of his own. Raiders 34, Broncos 20
• The Luke variety of McCown was equally successful in the Big Easy, overcoming a safety sack and chucking a touchdown with 14 seconds left to wrap up the come-from-behind victory. There must be something in the McCown genes that must… wait, I’ve just been told that the Eagles have officially signed legal papers changing A.J. Feeley’s name to A.J. McCown. Buccaneers 27, Saints 23
• And the Embattled Quarterback Who Somehow Found A Way To Win Award goes to … [cuts envelope open, blows into it for added effect] Eli Manning!
P.A. Voiceover Lady: “This Is Eli Manning’s 12th nomination and 8th win of the season.” Giants 21, Bears 16
Okay, enough tomfoolery. Tonight you will get an AFC North showdown between the hottest 4-7 team, the Cincinnati Bengals, and the 8-3 Pittsburgh Steelers, whose stadium’s turf finally got the last drops of water out of its ear. In short, it’s a “Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass” kinda night. See ya next time.
Continue Reading December 2nd, 2007
The matchup of Rex Grossman and Eli Manning is one you’d think would result in one of the QBs getting benched in the near future if they don’t play up to snuff. Grossman is throwing pretty well, all things considered, with over 200 yards passing and a score, even though most of his incompletions were — ready for this? — overthrown balls. As for Eli Manning, well, it looks like he has an endorsement for a solar-powered watch. “Unstoppable,” the advertisement claims, describes both the quarterback and the watch. So wait, Eli Manning is solar powered? Well, it is raining in the game.
Meanwhile, I’m not sure who this Derrick Ward guy is — I’ll check Wikipedia later — but he’s seamlessly filling in for Brandon Jacobs with his first career 100-yard rushing game. Bears 13, Giants 7
We live in a terribly frightening world where a halftime lead over the Browns is actually an accomplishment. Especially for the Cardinals, who have 90 total yards of offense. Cardinals 14, Browns 10
Not only are Josh McCown and Tim Dwight both still in the league, but they combined for a passing touchdown. Raiders 14, Broncos 7
There are just McCowns, EVERYWHERE. Luke McCown is in at quarterback for the Bay near Tampa, and he’s strangely keeping it interesting against New Orleans. It should be noted that the Tampa-NO game is also a 7-4 against a 5-6 team, just like the Bears and Giants, so it should be equally exciting, right? Right!? Saints 14, Buccaneers 13
Continue Reading December 2nd, 2007
About that “poor 1:00 game slate” thing: somehow I kept forgetting about the Indianapolis/Jacksonville game. Maybe we take for granted that they play twice a year and the matchup’s always decent, or maybe it was just infected by all the other bad games much like Gary Gulman’s theory about grapefruit ruining a fruit salad. Jacksonville made a pretty strong comeback but stuck to the script and lost by mere points. Colts 28, Jaguars 25
I don’t think a single non-Buffalo fan wanted to see the Redskins lose this one. But they did, with a last-second field goal. Bills 17, Redskins 16
The Lions defense held Minnesota to one touchdown in the second half. If only they were that efficient in the first half, and also scored these things called “points.” It took until December, but Jon Kitna’s 10-win prediction is officially looking goofy. Vikings 42, Lions 10
A.J. Feeley has reverted to a quarterback who looks like he could really use a post-relationship broom closet quickie with Heather Mitts. The Eagles’ final drive ended with a red zone interception right into the sternum of the Seahawks’ Lofa Tatupu. It was Feeley’s fourth interception. Seahawks 28, Eagles 24
Trent Dilfer was not satisfied with two interceptions, so he doubled his counterproductivity for the day, giving Carolina four interceptions on the day. Panthers 31, Niners 14
And Gus Frerotte is the clubhouse leader in passing yards, surpassing Tony Romo, with 311. Don’t expect Drew, however, to create any episodes of Georgia Frontiere making fun of Scott Linehan’s weight. Rams 28, Falcons 16
Ah, there’s LaDainian Tomlinson’s 20-something, 170-something rushing performance. Proceed normally. Chargers 24, Chiefs 10
Tennesse was able to rally from behind thanks to Vince Young passing — you read that right — and a late interception. Titans 28, Texans 20
“This is the week they’ll finally win.” Can it, LeBatard. Now, maybe had Miami covered their field with 5 inches of rain and peanut butter (you have to cover both sides with peanut butter, or else the rain goes through), then they would have had a chance at the end. Jets 40, Dolphins 13
Continue Reading December 2nd, 2007
I’ve read in a couple places that the Redskins’ first defensive play featured a 10-person formation in honor of Sean Taylor, which the Bills also thought was proper, because they used that play for a 22-yard gain. (Good thing it wasn’t a 21-yard run.) The pride of Wallaceburg, Ontario and BGSU’s own Shaun Suisham is kicking all the points for D.C. in this one. Redskins 9, Bills 2
Vinny Testaverde scoffs at the 49ers. Well, yes, the San Francisco football team, but also the actual Gold Rush participants for thinking they could strike it rich. That’s why Testaverde put his savings in the upcoming railroad industry, and made a fortune. Vinny T. has himself 11-of-16 passing for 101 yards and a touchdown. Trent Dilfer has two completions to Panthers defenders. Panthers 17, Niners 0
Peyton Manning has three touchdowns, one to Reggie Wayne and two to Dallas Clark, and … wait, this one’s a repeat. Cursed writer’s strike. Colts 21, Jaguars 7
Whoa whoa, slow down, fellas. You’re filling up on points too quickly. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat? Seahawks 21, Eagles 17
The Falcons secondary has a slimming effect on Gus Frerotte. He should wear it more often. Three touchdowns in the first half, and only five incompletions. Rams 21, Falcons 0
So I guess Adrian Peterson’s okay then. Chester Taylor’s not untalented either. And Tarvaris Jackson has … two touchdown passes. I don’t understand. Vikings 35, Lions 10
It’s ugly. It’s tied. It’s intense. It’s must be the AFC West. Chargers 10, Chiefs 10
If nothing else, ‘m sure the fans of these two teams are enjoying the game. Texans 10, Titans 7
Favored, my ass. Jets 20, Dolphins 13
Continue Reading December 2nd, 2007
If the Freep drafted for the Lions instead of Matt Millen, they’d have taken Shawne Merriman over Mike Williams, Terence Newman over Charles Rogers, and Reggie Wayne over Jeff Backus. It’s as if they’re assuming Millen’s not very good at drafting players. [Detroit Free Press]
Continue Reading December 2nd, 2007
Nobody can quite explain why the Hornets franchise has been unable to beat the Dallas Mavericks since 1999. Experts agree one factor might be that in those games, the Hornets were unable to score more points than the Mavericks. Others blame global warming. Others still claim that last night the Hornets actually beat the Mavericks, thanks to a last-second 3-point shot by David Schwimmer Peja Stojakovic to send the game to overtime, where New Orleans pulled away with a 112-108 win over Dallas.
Chris Paul was damn close to a triple double (33 points, 12 assists, 9 rebounds) and Tyson Chandler — man, I could go for a TV dinner right about now — had 21 points and 13 rebounds.
Who Needs Governors? You’d think there would be more understanding between the only two NBA teams not located in a U.S. state. You’d imagine two teams would appreciate each other when their mascots have long been extinct. Judging by the Washington Wizards’ 101-97 win over the Toronto Raptors last night, I know nothing about natural allies in basketball.
Now I Remember Why I Feft. The cowbells don’t sound so nice when you’re coaching on the other side of the court, do they, Rick Adelman? I’m sure it’s related to the acoustics of the building. That has to be it. Tracy McGrady’s 40 points were no match for 26 each from Kevin Martin and Ron Artest, and the Sacramento Kings won 107-99 over the Houston Rockets. I think Adelman has had just about enough of Sacramento now, so he’ll go away and not win playoff games his own way.
Apologize! So where are the SportsCenter segments, the Charles Barkley sound bites and the Lou Holtz pep talks for the Milwaukee Bucks? After allowing the Knicks to beat them following the 45-point loss, now Milli-wau-kay got rickrolled by 26 points at home to the Detroit Pistons, 117-91. How does Detroit score 117 when their offense is slower than the opening Baywatch credits? Tayshaun Prince led the Pistons with 20 points.
