You might remember, back in February, when MJD told you about Cowboys coach Wade Phillips’ most attractive daughter. Well, now she’s got an acting career. It seems to be going well.
I had done minimal belly dancing prior to this. But I am a dancer - I’ve danced my whole life - I am pretty adept at learning different kinds of movement. … It was all pretty natural to me - I didn’t feel like it was a stretch for me to do that style of dance.
How about those Cowboys?
I watch every game! I mean, I watch every game, I read sports blogs, I go on dallascowboys.com all the time. I grew up with football. It becomes important when it’s not just a livelihood, but when your life depends on it - whether you’re going to move to a different city, or if you’re gonna get fired. … I’m really invested.
That’s right, fellers; she reads sports blogs. Step right up.
We support the Raptors’ Chris Bosh and his (or, more accurately, his handlers, and NBA.com’s) attempts to get himself voted on the NBA All-Star Team. Look what Gilbert hath wraught.
Apologies in advance for this item. You should know that, if you click on it, there will be a Britney Spears photo, the weekend box office receipts for Alvin and the Chipmunks, and the headline: Jamie Lynn’s baby-daddy is a ‘lying, cheating dog.’ Hey, it’s New Year’s Eve; who’s reading this anyway? On to the Tony Romo/Jessica Simpson news.
Although Patriots quarterback Tom Brady seems more the go-to man for football advice, not relationship advice (just ask Bridget Moynahan), Brady has reached out to Jessica Simpson’s new man, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, to warn him about bringing his girl to games. “After that debacle of a game with Jessica being flashed on the screens during every play, Tom told Tony to put a stop to allowing Jess to come to games. Think about it: How often do you see Gisele [Bundchen] cheering Tom on?” said a friend of Brady’s.
Frankly I get a kick out of the image of Brady and Romo talking to each other on the phone about their girlfriends. Are they lying on their respective beds, with stuffed animals all around, and a lot of open magazines? Is one of Romo’s magazines Tiger Beat?
Tiny tidbits and news niblets from the final week of the NFL season …
• It sure is nice seeing Kerry Collins back, isn’t it? Remember when Kerry Collins was a big controversial figure? He got DUIs before it was cool to get DUIs. Collins has been around longer than you realize; he actually took over for Frank Reich, for crying out loud. Vince Young should be fine for the playoff game next week, which is kind of a shame; it might have been fun to see Collins’ goofy arm hitch in the playoffs one more time. Not that we have much hope for the Titans anyway; when Kerry Collins is your savior, not even facing Norv Turner will be enough to keep you around long.
• Honestly, it really has been the worst sports year for Cleveland. It’s downright wrong; that city has been cursed with just enough hope to make the disappointments really hurt. But hey, look who got some minutes yesterday!
• No offense to Vikings fans, but we’re more excited to see the Redskins in the playoffs than the Vikes. Yep: We have Todd Collins fever. We bet they beat the Seahawks, by the way.
• Everyone in Detroit is chattering that Mike Martz is going to be fired. No Super Bowl losing coach has dropped as far as Martz since, who, Bill Callahan? It’s a shame Nebraska, just to be funny, can’t hire Martz as its next coach.
• Apparently Marv Levy is leaving Buffalo. That makes us extremely sad; we wanted him to be there until he was 103.
• The Buzzsaw finished 8-8. Mock us if you will, but we’ll absolutely take it. That’s the first non-losing season in a decade. Just in time for Leinart to return and screw it all up next year.
As you no doubt already know, the Titans control their own playoff fate tonight as they battle the Indianapolis Colts in the RCA Dome. Win, and they’re in. Lose, and they’re … um … what’s bad and rhymes with lose? Bruised? Sure. Lose, and they’re bruised. That, and the Browns get to massage their horse balls for one more week.
Lucky for us, NBC flexed its scheduling option-ceps with this one — which way to the gym? — so we all get to watch Jim Sorgi let down the entire city of Cleveland firsthand. Should be fun.
It’s hard to imagine that less than 12 months ago these two teams were meeting for a chance to play in the Super Bowl. Seriously, they were. I looked it up! Devin Hester (The Jester Molester) returned a 64 yard punt, Neckbeard Orton threw the ball like he was throwing back girly cocktails, and just like that the Saints are out of the p-offs. Next! Bears 33, Saints 25
Everyone keeps forgetting this game had no playoff implications whatsoever, but oh well, Browns win! Joy! Joshua Cribbs took one to the house, Jamal Lewis rushed for 128 yards and Mr. Brady Quinn made his long-awaited NFL debut. All together now, “Let’s Go Colts!” (What?) Browns 20, 49ers 7
Miami allowed 316 yards passing by Carson Palmer, gave up a touchdown on a fumble return and fell to 1-15 on the season. Welcome to Miami, Bill! Bengals 38, Dolphins 25
THREADJACK. The Houston Texans are no longer a losing football franchise. /THREADJACK. Andre Davis’ two TD returns came on consecutive kickoffs, which made him the first player this season to accomplish the feat in the same game. Odds are he’ll be the last, too. Texans 42, Jaguars 28
Excuse me while I Apple+C something Suss wrote last week: “It’s that time of year again when the Eagles are out of the playoffs, Donovan McNabb plays well and people lay off the ‘maybe someone else should quarterback mantra.’” There. That was easy. Eagles 17, Bills 9
Favre extended his consecutive starts streak to 253 games, threw three touchdowns, and then handed the ball to some guy named Craig. And he did it all in a pair of Wranglers. Packers 34, Lions 13
Goodbye, sweet Vinny. Panthers 31, Buccaneers 23
Redman — Redman! — set a career high with four touchdown passes as the Falcons rode three fourth-quarter touchdowns to “upset” the Hawks in ATL. Said Redman post-game: “Bigger they come, harder they fall / That goes for, knuckleheads, MC’s, pussy walls and all” Falcons 44, Seahawks 41
Country X is planning to attack country Y, and country Y is anticipating the attack. Country X can either attack by land or by sea. Country Y can either prepare for a land defense or a sea defense. If X launches an attack by sea and Y prepares a defense by sea the probability of a successf– BAH! I’m horrible with this shit. Thankfully, today’s playoff picture is pretty straightforward.
We’ll start in the AFC. Here’s what we know: the Pats and Colts have the two first-round byes, the Chargers are the West champs, the Steelers are the North champs, and the Jags have one of the wild-card spots and the No. 5 seed. So who gets that final spot? Well, Tennessee or Cleveland. If the Titans can beat Indy’s B-team tonight, they’re in. If they lose, then the Browns walk in the back door with their boots on, regardless of their outcome this afternoon. Easy peezie, lemon squeezy.
As for the NFC, it’s pretty easy, too. Again, here’s what we know: Dallas and Green Bay have the first-round byes, Seattle is the third seed, Tampa Bay is the fourth, and the N.Y. Giants are No. 5 in your playoff brackets; and number one in your hearts. That leaves us with Washington, Minnesota and New Orleans. Of the bunch, it’s the Redskins who are in control. If they can defeat a less-than-motivated Cowboys team today, they’re in, no questions asked. On the other foot, if the Skins lose — and the Vikings beat the Broncos — then the Purple guys get to dance. Finally, the Saints have to beat the Bears AND pray that the Skins and Vikings both lose.
*Deep breath*
OK, I need a nap. But I hope that clears everything up. I have a sneaking suspicion I’m missing some weird technicality or tie-breaker or something, but meh — let’s go watch some meaningless football!
The NBA Closer is written by Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he’s not busy scouring the box scores or talking in the third person, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast.
• Deja-Blue. See what I did there? Deja-blue. Yeah, that was off the top of my head, too, so … whatever. No big deal. Rip Hamilton scored 10 of his 24 points in the fourth to help Detroit complete the home-and-home sweep — sorry, Suss — over the Pacers, 98-92. “It’s not that odd to play a team back-to-back, you get that every once in a while in this league,” Sheed quipped post-game. “You still have to go out there and hoop.” Hoop. I like that.
• Thanks For Coming. Props to the AP on this one: “A visit from LeBron James produced the first sellout in New Orleans Arena this season. The 17,623 fans who showed up perhaps noticed there was something else worth watching. Namely, their own team.” BURN! David West had 27 points and 15 rebounds as the Hornets beat the Cavs by ten.
• But He Promised Me A Knitted Scarf! Wally Szczerbiak and Jeff Green each scored 18 as the Sonics overcame the loss of Kevin Durant to beat the Wolves 109-90. Durant sprained his left index finger near the end of the first and never returned. The X-rays were negative, though, which I think is good news. I can never really remember. Regardless, he’s going to get killed in Madden ‘08.
• Everything Keeps Coming Up Roses. Believe it or not, I’m starting to notice a trend with Boston-area sports franchises. I can’t say what it is — I’ve got a few more numbers to crunch still — but there is definitely something there. Paul Pierce finished with 24 points and six rebounds — all in the second half — to lead the Celtics’ to their fifth straight win, beating the Jazz 104-98.
You might remember, back in February, when MJD told you about Cowboys coach Wade Phillips’ most attractive daughter. Well, now she’s got an acting career. It seems to be going well.
Apologies in advance for this item. You should know that, 
Tiny tidbits and news niblets from the final week of the NFL season …
As you no doubt already know, the Titans control their own playoff fate tonight as they battle the Indianapolis Colts in the RCA Dome. Win, and they’re in. Lose, and they’re … um … what’s bad and rhymes with lose? Bruised? Sure. Lose, and they’re bruised. That, and the Browns get to massage their horse balls for one more week.
It’s hard to imagine that less than 12 months ago these two teams were meeting for a chance to play in the Super Bowl. Seriously, they were. I looked it up! Devin Hester (The Jester Molester) returned a 64 yard punt, Neckbeard Orton threw the ball like he was throwing back girly cocktails, and just like that the Saints are out of the p-offs. Next! Bears 33, Saints 25
Country X is planning to attack country Y, and country Y is anticipating the attack. Country X can either attack by land or by sea. Country Y can either prepare for a land defense or a sea defense. If X launches an attack by sea and Y prepares a defense by sea the probability of a successf– BAH! I’m horrible with this shit. Thankfully, today’s playoff picture is pretty straightforward.
The NBA Closer is written by Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he’s not busy scouring the box scores or talking in the third person, he can be heard on 
