Continue Reading September 28th, 2007
We hope you’re excited, Bears fans; as The Sports Hernia points out, You now have Bill Lumbergh as your starting quarterback. Yeah … we’re gonna go ahead and have you play on New Years Eve this year, Rex …
Continue Reading September 28th, 2007
As detailed yesterday, carbonated beverage lovers were overjoyed to see Jones Soda roll out five new exciting flavors based on the Seattle Seahawks, all based on things found in Holmgren’s mustache. The flavors: Natural Field Turf Soda (featuring Josh Brown), Sports Cream Soda (featuring Matt Hasselbeck), Perspiration Soda (featuring Deion Branch), Dirt Soda (featuring Lofa Tatupu) and Sweet Victory Soda (featuring Walter Jones). Other teams, of course, were quick to jump on the bandwagon. So be on the lookout for:
• Bitter Defeat Soda (featuring Drew Brees)
• Ass And Wood Plank Soda (featuring Rex Grossman)
• Flea Powder Soda (featuring Michael Vick)
• Distinct Smell Of Leathery Corpse Soda (featuring Al Davis)
• Poopy Diaper Soda (featuring Tom Brady)
• Pact With Satan Soda (featuring Brett Favre)
Drink Up, Sports Fans [Deadspin]
Jones Co. Store
Continue Reading September 28th, 2007
Yesterday, on invitation from the fine folks at EA Sports, we talked to Wizards zuperstar Gilbert Arenas at the NBA Store in Manhattan for exactly seven minutes and 16 seconds. Here’s a complete, exact transcript of the interview, which was almost entirely about his blog. We didn’t take a picture, because we thought asking someone to shoot one would be helplessly dorky.
Hi, I’m Will. I run Deadspin. A lot of our readers are fans of you.
The blog guy, hey. You’re the No. 1 blogger, yeah.
I wouldn’t say that. I think that’s Wilbon. [laughs uncomfortably, alone] That guy you were talking to before me, that’s the guy who does your blog, right?
Yeah, that’s Dave [McMinnen]. He’s the guy behind the guy.
How long are the interviews, usually? He just calls you up and asks you questions and writes it up?
Usually about 15-20 minutes, depending on how I’m feeling and the topic. During the season, it’s once a week, but he’s going to Europe next week with Boston, so that hampers it a bit.
How much time do you spend on the Web, personally?
Not as much as you’d think. I check out my MySpace. I’ll go on sites to see what’s funny on YouTube.
Do you have any regular sites you check out, sports sites, whatever?
No. Well, yeah, but I can’t tell you, I can’t put those out there.
So you’re saying only porn?
Yes. [smiles]
Excellent. I think one of the reasons you’ve become popular in a different way than some other athletes have is because of your blog. Do you get a lot of reaction from the site from players or people in the stands? Do you hear a lot about it?
When I do the blog, I have things in my mind that people catch on to. For a while, it was the Hibachi thing that got big. The 10 dollar thing, the making bets with the fans thing, and me getting in trouble for it, people like to yell that out at me too. That was funny, because they’re actually paying attention.
I think you appeal to a certain type of smarter fan, like the Wizznutzz crew, who aren’t necessarily the Paint Your Face And Scream Obscenities. (Ed. Note: Nope. They just dress up like Wizards.) I think the blog is a large part of that.
Well, some people would rather not go to arenas, they’d rather just sit at home and watch the game at home, or play on the computer. There’s a lot of people like that. You’ve got your video gamers, who just sit at home and play video games all day. So by blogging, and playing video games, I’m actually getting to them.
Have you been to Wizznutzz?
My dad is more into the stuff like that, the RealGM, the Wizznutzz, those types of things. He tells me what’s going on. He was sitting there for five, six hours, posting under fake names, “how do you like that Gilbert Arenas? He’s a jackass, huh?” Just to see what the response is.
Do you at least go to ESPN? Do you have an email account?
I don’t, no. If someone tells me someone wrote something about me, I’ll go check it out, and I’ll “log in.” [makes actual air quotes]
Do other players come to you and tell you they want to set up a blog, or talk to you about it?
I don’t think they know how big it is. There were three other players who blogged, but it didn’t really catch on. The business people know about it, but I don’t think the players do.
So if you — or, well, Dave, anyway — called out somebody on the site, they wouldn’t know about it?
Unless someone in PR told them or something. I talked about Penny, and he came to me and said, “My PR guy told me you mentioned me in your blog. Thanks!”
Has there ever been anything in the blog that Dave’s put in that you’ve asked him to take out?
It’s usually the other way around. There’s some stuff I wanted in there that they wouldn’t let me put in. [points to Dave] Hey, Dave, we gotta give a shoutout to Wizznutzz.
Was the idea to do the site yours?
They actually came to me about it. At first I didn’t think I had the time for it, but I thought if Chris Paul has the time to do it, I can.
And nobody reads Chris Paul’s site.
That’s what I’m gonna outsell him in video games this year. Nobody reads his site.
Do you guys ever scramble to come up with stuff for the site?
That’s what it’s surviving: I have an entertaining life. I thought I was boring. When I went through my life, I was like, “I sit around and play video games all day. Nobody wants to hear about this.” But once I started doing the site, I was like, “Yeah, I do have an interesting life!”
Well, Dave makes it look interesting, anyway.
Totally. I always have something going on.
Continue Reading September 28th, 2007
Ladies and gentlepeople, we have finally figured out what we will do if we are ever convicted of a felony, other than “try to grow a mustache and move to Turks and Caicos.” We’re gonna make sure we smoke as much weed as possible, and then get caught.
100 Percent Injury Rate has discovered an odd legal loophole that could actually decrease Ron Mexico’s jail time, and it’s directly connected to his positive marijuana test.
By taking advantage of an obscure Federal Bureau of Prisons (B.O.P.) Rotational/Developmental Assignment Program (R.D.A.P.) loophole — 18 U.S.C. 3621 — Vick could possibly reduce his sentence by one year. This documented instance of substance abuse apparently qualifies Vick for this reduction upon completion of a treatment program.
The idea? Vick could take part in a substance abuse program that could take time off his sentence and allow him to spend time in a halfway house rather than prison. Proving once again what we already knew: Michael Vick is smarter than everyone.
Mike Vick Smoked Pot To Reduce His Sentence [100 Percent Injury Rate]
Continue Reading September 28th, 2007
Via Pro Football Talk, here’s the most vivid example yet of what can go wrong at local news stations. We’re almost hesitant to bring you this, but Kevin Everett has been improving and … well, the world should probably see this. (With Leather beat us to this. Curses, Ufford!)
Continue Reading September 28th, 2007
There might be no better metaphor for the beginning of the Cincinnati Bengals’ season than the fact that fans have been noticing bird poop in their beers.
Yes, the folks at Paul Brown Stadium are seeking permission to kill pigeons that are heading into the fans’ area. This seems like a potentially fun side attraction for the kids of Cincinnati; watch the men in jackets murder birds!
Pigeon droppings have been falling on patrons and into their food and beverages, according to a letter to the city from Eric Brown, managing director of Paul Brown Stadium Ltd., which runs the stadium for Hamilton County, which owns it. He asked in his letter that stadium employees who are familiar with firearms be allowed to shoot birds a few days prior to an event, adding that company officials believe the shooting to be a “cost-effective way to get this problem under control.”
City officials are working with stadium officials on both the legalities of killing the birds as well as the means by which they might be killed, said city spokeswoman Meg Olberding.
Right now, there’s one Bengals employee who’s really excited about being able to shoot and kill things for his job. Hell, he’s probably a player.
Bengals: Let Us Cut The Poop [Cincinnati Enquirer]
Continue Reading September 28th, 2007
We were at Shea Stadium last night, wearing our Rick Ankiel jersey, of course, and we noted that we were 100 percent unmolested. We chalk this up partly to the fact that Mets fans are about 60 times nicer to visiting fans than Yankees fans, but mostly, Shea Stadium was a morgue last night. The Cardinals are lousy right now, but the Mets are decaying before our eyes.
It wasn’t a booing night in Flushing. Maybe because of Pedro. Maybe because this was a makeup date and you had to go a little out of your way to find it. Maybe some of the more sympathetic souls at Shea took “makeup date” literally and felt conciliatory toward their team on this, the last evening they would spend alone in first place.
Then there’s the very real possibility that there wasn’t a ton of derision because there wasn’t a ton of concern or its sibling emotion, a ton of belief. You can’t believe what you’ve seen since September 12: the Mets 4-10, the Phillies 11-3. After 140 quick minutes, we filed out like middle-schoolers from a mandatory assembly. It was cool to get out of class for a couple of periods, but that was pretty lame, wasn’t it? Yes, it was lame. Yes, the Mets are lame. Yes, the Mets are choking on their own vomit in historic fashion. At first it was disturbing to watch. Then it was sad. Now it’s barely anything.
Baseball Prospectus points out that if the Mets do lose this lead, it will be the second worst collapse in baseball history, behind the 1995 Angels.
But collapses do not happen in a vacuum, and if you saw highlights from Philadelphia last night, that place has bugs in its britches. And lots — and we mean LOTS — of towels.
Mets and Phillies are tied. This might be a fun weekend.
C’Mon — What Else We Gonna Do? [Faith And Fear In Flushing]
Your NL East Leading Phillies [The 700 Level]
Continue Reading September 28th, 2007
The Colorado Rockies need a theme song! After beating the Dodgers on Thursday for their 11th straight win — the longest winning streak in the majors this season — they are on the verge of making the playoffs for only the second time in their history. The Rockies are one game out in the wild-card race, with their final series beginning today against Arizona at Coors Field. So a theme song is imperative, and they are asking you for help. Their fans have been absolutely no freakin’ help so far (The Bee Gees? John Denver?), so come, on, pitch in! The Rockies thank you. (No Survivor please).
In the interests of full disclosure, I wrote off the Rockies about two weeks ago. After a series of insulting remarks, I buried a Rockies pennant in a shallow grave just off of Interstate 5, and moved on with my life. Now, I am on the verge of losing several bets. Damn it! If you want to crown ‘em, crown ‘em! It’s all Todd Helton’s fault, you know. Helton joined the Rockies in 1997 –although he didn’t unpack his beard until the following year — and has never played in a post-season game. So that’s why it’s kind of cool that his sixth-inning homer helped propel Colorado over the Dodgers. Brad Hawpe had three hits and four RBI for the Rockies, who trail first-place Arizona in the NL West by two games and are one game behind San Diego in the wild card, tied with the Phillies and Mets. The Rockies and Diamondbacks open a season-ending three-game series at Coors Field today. Do you smell a distinct, Warriors-vs.-Mavericks kind of vibe here? Yes, I believe! Send me a t-shirt! Of course, the Rockies have the Dodgers to thank for their dramatic troop surge. Seven of Colorado’s wins in the streak have come over LA, which has lost 10 of its past 11. Colorado won the season series over the Dodgers 12-6. Rookie Franklin Morales (3-2), allowed four hits and three runs in five-plus innings to earn the win.
• How The West Will Be Won. The various NL playoff scenarios are endless, so take a look for yourself, courtesy of the Denver Post. At least now there’s no chance of a five-way tie.
• License To Kill Gophers, By The Government Of The United States. A pretty funny interview with Bill Murray today at Chicago Sports, in which he assures Cubs fans that they will indeed prevail in the Central. Excerpt: “Would the Cubs be the Cubs if they lost the World Series? That’s sick thinking. You’ve got to watch out for people like that. I should be watching you. Maybe you want to talk to me later about what’s going on in your life.” The Cubs stranded 10 runners and were swept by the last-place Marlins, losing 6-4 on Thursday. The Brewers also lost, 9-5 to the Padres, to remain two games behind Chicago.
• Max Mercy Disapproves. Fire Joe Morgan questions the wisdom of the Rangers playing the theme to The Natural over the PA system after Sammy Sosa home runs, and I have to agree. The Savoy Special was not corked, dammit! Although The Whammer did take copious amounts of HGH.
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