Continue Reading August 21st, 2007
Sure, you can buy your Michael Vick chew toys and Ron Mexico T-shirts and Ookie jerseys, but don’t you want a real part of Vick history? Considering he’s not likely to play in the NFL again — no, he’ll totally turn into an accurate passer when he’s back in 2010 — don’t you want something truly connected to Vick? We know you do.
Therefore, you can now buy Vick’s old fishing boat. Only 20,000 smackaroons!
You are bidding on a 2002 Aquasport 205cc Osprey fishing boat owned by MICHAEL VICK. The boat is 22 feet in length, 8 and a half feet in width and is powered by a Yamaha 150. Comes complete with GPS System, Marine Radio and numerous fishing pole holders, coolers and live wells. It can carry as many 8 adults and has the ability to pull water skis and wake boards. This package includes EZ Loader Galvinized Trailer with Power Winch and Certificate of Title signed by MICHAEL VICK as pictured.
Man, can you imagine what he did to those fish? Is it possible to get fish to fight each other?
Oh, here’s how to deal with the guilty plea.
MIchael Vick’s Fishing Boat [eBay]
Continue Reading August 21st, 2007
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we’re going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it.
Last year, we asked some of our favorite writers to opine why Their Favorite Team Was Better Than Yours. Ultimately, we found this constrictive, and it also might have killed James Frey. So this time, we’ve just asked them to just run free, talk about their team, their experience as a fan, their hopes, their dreams, their desires for oral sex. All our teams are now assigned; if you sent us an email and we didn’t get back to you, we’re sorry, and we accept your scorn. But today: San Francisco 49ers.
Your author is Rick Chandler, the associate editor of Deadspin. His words are after the jump.
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First of all Will, your waterboarding is scheduled for September 10. That’s when the 49ers open the season against the Sawdust that is the Arizona Cardinals (play Taps here). Sadly, your pain will begin shortly after kickoff, continue without common mercy or decency until halftime, then resume in particularly humiliating fashion as the hounds are released in the third quarter.
Don’t let Will fool you with his aw-shucks Midwestern act. He may pretend to think that his own team is terrible and will not win a game, but it’s all just a passive-aggressive farce. He roots for the Cardinals with the wild-eyed intensity of a monkey that has been hooked to electrodes by the nipples, and God help you if your team gets in his way. But sadly, The Cardinals suck gigantic bantha balls. Leinart? A dead man. Whisenhunt? Dead. Neidermayer? DEAD.
Bitter much? You bet. Arizona beat us twice last season, despite the existence of this. In fact, the 49ers haven’t beaten them since December 2004. It’s payback time, in a big, way. We will use Neil Rackers’ bones to make our soup.
So that’s two wins we can count on. As for the rest of the schedule, it’s baby steps, Bob. This is a very frustrating year to be a 49ers fan, actually. By most estimations they’re just one year away from greatness, bringing to mind an analogy involving a 17-year-old cheerleader which I won’t use. Oh 49ers, you tease. Yes, despite what you may have heard, you’re not going to see San Francisco up in that class with the Bears and the Saints this season, and the Super Bowl is right out. But I’m not ruling out the playoffs, because the rest of the NFC is so dysfunctional. And the NFC West even moreso. Esteemed and prickly Chronicle columnist Ray Ratto is fond of saying that the flags at Monster Park often wave in every direction at once, including up. The 49ers similarly could end up anywhere, winning the division at 10-6, or coming in third at 6-10. (Fourth is not an option: See Graph 1).
I’m looking at the schedule, though, and I’m having a hard time figuring out where those 10 wins are going to come from. Of their first five games, for instance, the 49ers are at St. Louis and Pittsburgh and home against Seattle and Baltimore. This is essentially the same team that Mike Nolan fielded last season, with a new coat of paint and less one pretty good offensive coordinator (Norv Turner). The key newcomers:
• The 49ers earn kudos for signing free agent cornerback Nate Clements from Buffalo, although his eight-year, $80 million contract evokes visions of another expensive SF acquisition, Barry Zito. Clemens was the most sought after defensive player on the free agent market, but people are comparing him to a young Ronnie Lott, and that’s a big stretch.
• Darrell Jackson comes over from the Seahawks to become the team’s No. 1 wide receiver. Arnaz Battle will be the other starter at a position where the 49ers are unusually deep.
• Rookie Patrick Willis (Mississippi) has done so well that he was elevated to the starting lineup on Monday, supplanting Derek Smith at weak inside linebacker, moving Smith to strong inside linebacker. Brandon Moore, who led the team in tackles last season with 114, is the odd man out. Of course, promoting someone after having just played the Raiders is fraught with peril, but we’ll deal with that as it comes.
So, defense much improved. But remember, last year it was practically unwatchable on that side of the ball. They’re rebuilding from the ground up, and that takes time.
For the first time in a long time, the 49ers actually have competition at several positions. For instance, rookie Joe Staley is pushing Kwame Harris at right tackle. And Joe Baas is doing the same to Justin Smiley at right guard. Shawntae Spencer and Keith Lewis, starters last season at cornerback and safety, respectively, are now backups to Clements and fellow newcomer Michael Lewis.
And then there’s the 49ers’ two greatest assets: Quarterback Alex Smith and running back Frank Gore. Smith has improved more than anyone outside of San Francisco is willing to acknowledge; his performances in brief stints against Denver and Oakland in the preseason were outstanding. Gore is coming off a broken hand and should be ready for the opener.
Something else you should know: The City of San Francisco has named the playing surface Bill Walsh Field, so it’s now officially Bill Walsh Field at Monster Park at Candlestick Point. Learn it. Know it. Live it.
And they’ll be wearing their throwback ’80s Super Bowl-era duds in the opener. Fear the Thick White Stripe. Oh yes, fear it, Will. The 49ers are who you thought they were. Crown ‘em.
Continue Reading August 21st, 2007
At 5 p.m. ET today, Matt Murphy, that guy in the Mets jersey who caught Barry Bonds’ 756th home run, is going to announce whether or not he’s going to sell the ball. Forgive us, but by the looks of an eBay page he just set up, we think we have a pretty good idea of what he’s going to do. (We kid, by the way: He’s obviously not selling it.)
Murphy, ever the entrepreneur, i selling that ketchup-stained Jose Reyes jersey he was wearing. Current price is 100 bucks.
This is the real Jersey I wore at the Giants game while catching the famous Barry Bonds career 756 ball…I have not washed the jersey. There is a picture of me holding the Jose Reyes jersey that I wore to the game. There are several ketchup stains on the front as well as back illustrated in the pictures from being on the ground of At&t park figthing for the ball. This is the real Jersey, I will be putting the hat that I wore to the game up for bid also. There are a lot of fakes floating around……i promise you this is authentic. For me to autograph the jersey will be at the buyers request.
You haven’t washed it? Jeez, sign us up!
Matt Murphy’s Jose Reyes Jersey Worn While Catching 756 [eBay]
It Seems Like Matt Murphy Is Going To Sell #756 [100 Percent Injury Rate]
Continue Reading August 21st, 2007
You know, we’re starting to think that Michael Vick’s wine bar might have a little trouble getting off the ground.
Of all the aftereffects to come out following Michael Vick’s announcement that he’ll be pleading guilty, the one that amazes us the most is that he’s gonna have to admit, out loud, that the indictment against him is true. That’s not something one can spin; he’s gonna have to say, to a judge and to the world, that he electrocuted puppies.
We knew Vick was in deep trouble when he became a story that people who don’t care about sports started to care about. It’s the Nancy Grace Rule: Once a sports story crosses over to the cable gabfests, it’s not about sports anymore, and it has nothing to do with Vick, or the Falcons, or the NFL (or, to use another example, Duke University). All that matters is that the woman down the hall of your office who wouldn’t know Peyton Manning if he were standing in front of her is suddenly saying, “He should have to go through the same thing he put those dogs through,” even though she couldn’t tell you what position Vick plays. That, friends, is when Vick was toast. We’ll find out just how toast on Monday.
Top 10 Losers In The Vick Scandal [Five Tool Tool]
Continue Reading August 21st, 2007
Going to Anaheim? Head over to the Angels game; it’s a better bet than any of the Disneyland rides. Los Angeles / Anaheim / California is 41-17 at home, the best record in the majors, plus no annoying Alyssa Milano to complain about the starting lineup. Then there’s rookie Ryan Budde, whose double in the 10th brought home the winning run in the Angels’ 7-6 win over the Yankees. Rally Monkey approves.
It was Budde’s first RBI and first extra-base hit in the majors. Should we now play taps for the Yankees, who are five games behind the front-running Red Sox in the East? The Angels, meanwhile, are two games head of second-place Seattle in the West. Alex Rodriguez hit his 40th home run, so there’s that, Yankees fans.
• This Record Is Jenksed. It’s not known whether Jim Barr was in attendance on Monday as Chicago’s Bobby Jenks attempted to break the record for consecutive batters retired. No matter, the White Sox reliever entered the game in the ninth and gave up a single to Kansas City’s Joey Gathright, as Jenks had to settle for sharing the record of 41 straight outs with the former Giants pitcher. He then went on to save Chicago’s 4-3 win.
• The Great Race. Rick Ankiel delivers again in a big way as St. Louis beats Chicago 6-4 to draw within three games of first … the Cubs and Brewers are tied at the top. Ankiel threw out Ryan Theriot from left field trying for a triple in the first, and also hit his fourth home run. (Ed. Note: That throw was amazing … and kind of made us a little sad. We’ll get over it.)
• Atlanta Agrees with Him. Mark Teixeira hit a pair of homers for the second consecutive game, leading the Braves over the Reds 14-4. Tim Hudson (15-5) kept his two-month unbeaten streak going.
