Continue Reading August 16th, 2007
We’re leaving this evening for the Atlanta Pants Party — the All You Can Eat tickets we ended up buyingwill assure that we’ll be sweating BBQ wings for the next week — so, to get in the spirit of the local franchise, we watched this video devoted to new Brave Mark Teixeira. We really hope they nailed this on the first take.
Continue Reading August 16th, 2007
A sad day yesterday, and the end of an era: Byung Hyun Kim was released by the Arizona Diamondbacks. We wonder if we will see him again.
It’s difficult to remember now, but Kim was once one of the top prospects in baseball. And then came that 2001 World Series — you remember that one; the one that completely cured New Yorkers of all their post-September 11 depression — and, well, Kim was never the same after that. It’s fitting that his career very well might end in Arizona; we’re kind of amazed they ever took him back in the first place.
What’s the lasting image of Kim, other than the 2001 World Series homers? We’d have to say it was when he flipped off the Fenway Park fans in the 2003 ALDS, ensuring his being left off the playoff roster for the ALCS. (Otherwise, it might have been him who gave up Aaron Boone’s homer.) Yet this guy got a World Series ring in 2004. See ya, Kim.
It’s Been A Tough Year For Byung-Hyun Kim [The Angry T]
Continue Reading August 16th, 2007
The handsome rapscallion you see right there is Will Demps, a slightly mediocre free safety for the New York Giants who’s pretty much destined to be on a reality show in six years. He’s a smoldering fellow, and you know what that means: He just can’t keep the groupies off him.
Yes, Will Demps has had it up to here with all the hot women trying to sleep with him.
I’ve had my share of fun with these types. I’ve flown beautiful women with agendas to big games . . . I’ve wined and dined them at the fanciest restaurants knowing I could’ve shared my bed with three at a time.”
They hang in packs like vultures . . . posed with breasts spilling out of their shirts . . . In the end, I know these women can never fulfill a need beyond my libido.”
You see, a sensitive type like Will Demps has needs. We’re telling you: He’s chasing cougars on Bravo in less than five years.
We do recommend checking out his official site, though.
Will Demps Is In Touch With His Libido [Zubaz Pants]
WillDemps.com [Official Site]
Continue Reading August 16th, 2007
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we’re going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it.
Last year, we asked some of our favorite writers to opine why Their Favorite Team Was Better Than Yours. Ultimately, we found this constrictive, and it also might have killed James Frey. So this time, we’ve just asked them to just run free, talk about their team, their experience as a fan, their hopes, their dreams, their desires for oral sex. All our teams are now assigned; if you sent us an email and we didn’t get back to you, we’re sorry, and we accept your scorn. But today: The Detroit Lions.
Your author is Michael David Smith, who covers the NFL for Football Outsiders, the New York Sun, AOL FanHouse and Pro Football Talk. His words are after the jump.
————————–
This will be the Detroit Lions’ shortest season ever.
When you’re a Lions fan, in the Matt Millen era, the season doesn’t last 16 games. It lasts until you’ve decided it’s just too painful to keep watching and you can’t take it anymore. Now, you might think that after all the pain we’ve suffered during the Millen era, we Lions fans would have decided, permanently, to stop watching about five years ago. But Lions fans aren’t that different from the fans of the other 31 NFL teams. We allow ourselves to get swept up in the belief that this year could be our year, and when Week 1 of the NFL season begins, we’re as excited as everyone else.
But every year we eventually realize that we don’t have a team worthy of our excitement, and during the Millen era, that realization has come sooner and sooner each season. In 2001, we Lions fans didn’t give up until December. Sure, the Lions started the season 0-12, but we just couldn’t believe that Millen had made our team - which went 9-7 in 2000, the year before Millen became general manager - the laughingstocks of football. We kept watching in disbelief, week after week, as the Lions became the subjects of the only funny jokes Jay Leno has told this millennium.
In 2002 the Lions were almost as bad as they were in 2001, but the first-round draft choice that year was Joey Harrington. We just knew Harrington was our Quarterback of the Future, and he managed to keep us interested until Thanksgiving.
In 2003 we had new head coach Steve Mariucci to keep us going until mid-November. Mooch was such a nice guy that he just had to succeed. All successful football coaches are nice guys, right?
In 2004, the Lions teased us by starting 4-2, and that guaranteed that they’d keep us optimistic until at least Halloween. Yeah, they went 2-8 the rest of the way, but at least they waited until December to reach double-digit losses.
The last two years things have changed a little bit, and we’ve had no choice, in both 2005 and 2006, but to give up on the season in Week 2. In both years, we watched our Lions get their butts kicked up and down the field by the Bears in the second game of the season. Do you realize that the Lions have played the Bears in Week 2 for two straight years, and the combined score is Chicago 72, Detroit 13? As a Lions fan living in Chicago, I had to give up on the season after both of those games.
But this year it’s going to be even worse: This year, Week 1 of the NFL season matches the Lions against the Oakland Raiders, the only team worse than the Lions last year. And that means a loss in Week 1 would cause us to abandon all hope.
And really, is there any doubt that the Lions will lose Week 1? These are the Lions we’re talking about.
Sure, they’ve added rookie wide receiver Calvin Johnson. He looks great. And yeah, Mike Martz is our offensive coordinator. He makes things exciting. And Jon Kitna insists the Lions will go 16-0, and he’ll throw 250 touchdown passes, while Roy Williams believes the offense will average 75 points a game. These guys are optimistic.
But these are the Matt Millen Lions we’re talking about, and having a few guys around who make things exciting doesn’t change the fact that the rest of the roster is as devoid of talent as NFL rosters get. Although drafting Johnson is one of the few Millen decisions I support, consider this: After selecting Johnson in the first round of this year’s draft, Millen chose Michigan State quarterback Drew Stanton in the second round. At a press conference that day, Millen told the assembled reporters, “You guys are probably more familiar with him than I am.”
It’s not surprising that Millen would draft a quarterback and know less about him than the Lions’ beat writers do. This is, after all, the general manager who made Cory Redding the highest-paid defensive tackle in the NFL this off-season. I like Redding, but seriously: This is the NFL of the salary cap era, when every dollar you spend on one player is a dollar you can’t spend on another player. Do you think anyone on earth, other than Millen, believes Redding deserves to be the highest-paid defensive tackle in the NFL?
Other problems in Detroit include the once-promising young running back, Kevin Jones, who suffered a foot injury in December that might not allow him to run at full speed at all in 2007. And an offensive line that was the worst in the league in 2006. And the fact that their best defensive player last season, cornerback Dre Bly, was shipped to Denver because, it was reported at the time, “he doesn’t appear to fit in Rod Marinelli’s defensive scheme.” Yeah, talented players just don’t fit with what they’re trying to do in Detroit.
So, as a Lions fan, instead of previewing the whole 16-game season, let me just tell you what will happen in Week 1: The Raiders are going to beat the Lions, with quarterback Josh McCown (a former Lion) leading Oakland to the victory. Starting 2007 with a loss to the only team that was worse than the Lions in 2006 will tell us Lions fans that the season is hopeless. And all we’ll be able to say for the rest of the year is the same thing we’ve been saying for five years: Fire Millen.
Continue Reading August 16th, 2007
You might think that Richard Simmons hanging out with Howie Long and company is just an anomaly, a tiny bit of happenstance. But then again, you don’t know who’s hosting the pregame and halftime festivities for Fox at Super Bowl XLII.
That’s right: Seacrest In!
Word on the street is, “Idol” ringmaster [Ryan Seacrest] will handle pre-game and halftime hosting duties of the Super Bowl on Fox next February. Because nothing says manly man like a guy with frosted highlights.
We see nothing wrong with this, frankly; heck, get this guy a typewriter, and he’s practically Jay Mohr anyway. Get him ready for his own show! And, finally, NBC has a reason to hire him.
Continue Reading August 16th, 2007
It is only in retirement that Drew Bledsoe confirmed what we always pretty much knew: He never really wanted to be much of a football player.
In an interview with some magazine called “The Whitefish Review,” Bledsoe confessed that he dreaded leaving the summer behind and heading back to training camp, an affliction that’s surely shared around football but likely not to the extent of Bledsoe, who always kind of looked like he’d rather be anywhere but on the field.
“The best day of my year was always the day after the season when we landed in Whitefish and I could feel myself exhale. Like the pressure was lifted off my shoulders - a physical feeling when we would get into Whitefish. I always looked forward to that day every year and it never let me down. The worst day of my year was always that last day of my summer. I would sit on the dock at my house on Whitefish Lake with my legs dangling in the water before I would fly back on the plane to training camp.”
This reminds us of KSK’s famous Eli Manning Really Would Rather Play Squash series. We think Bledsoe would have been much happier playing squash.
Drew Colors [Patriots Daily]
Continue Reading August 16th, 2007
To help celebrate Bobby Cox’s record 132nd career ejection (he was tossed again on Wednesday), Sons of Sam Malone compiled the Top 5 Manager Ejections of recent years. It is a fine list, a noble list, and makes me want to crawl on all fours and pretend to lob a grenade. ‘But hey,’ you may be saying to yourself. ‘What about when umpires go batshit crazy?’ Yeah, that happens too. So I cobbled together five of those highlights as well. Pay close attention to No. 4, as the first base umpire appears to fire his gum at San Diego’s Michael Barrett for no apparent reason.
In Honor Of Bobby [Sons Of Sam Malone]
Continue Reading August 16th, 2007
Everything’s hunky dory for Ray Allen these days. He’s gone from being the lone stud on a lousy team to part of an axis powers of superstars for one of sports’ most historic franchises. Things are looking up. Unfortunately, as he apparently realized recently, he’s still a black athlete in Boston.
Well, New England, anyway. He recounted the tale of working out at a gym in Cromwell, Connecticut, recently off a free pass from a friend … and then being kicked out of the place by the owner.
Allen had ended his workout and was sitting down having his customary protein shake when he noticed a man he assumed was the owner - Lou Soteriou - having a back-and-forth with employees. The owner requested a word with Allen shortly afterward.
“I got up and walked back there and when I walked around the corner he was standing there waiting for me with this look of disgust on his face like I stole some money from him,” Allen said. “I extended my hand to him to say, `How ya doin’. I’m Ray. Nice to meet you.’ And he just had his hand on his hip. He didn’t even offer to shake my hand. `Did I do something to offend you?’ because I wasn’t trying to take any money from him. I didn’t take any money from him. So he goes on this rant about who gave you a pass to come in here. So I said, `One of your employees gave me the pass. I’m a guest.’ “He said, `Why don’t you just buy a membership like everybody else? I have a business here to run. I don’t give any free handouts. I have a business to run here.’ … He was yelling at me like I was one of his kids or something, but once he said that he walked out the office, just walked away from me. I said, `I’ll never come in your gym again.’ He was like, `Don’t come back.’”
Amusingly, after all this bad press, the owner of the gym chimed in in the comments this morning, saying, “Contrary to your report, Mr. Allen did not extend his hand to me; and I can assure you, as common courtesy, I would of course shake a person’s hand if extended to me.” Regardless: Welcome to New England, Ray!
Ray Allen Takes Good With The Bad [Hartford Courant]
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Jul | Sep » | |||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | ||
