Continue Reading August 10th, 2007
In honor of Anfernee Hardaway’s quixotic return to the land of Shaquille O’Neal, we, because it’s a Friday and goings are slow, bring up an old Lil Penny video. Ah, Chris Rock, in puppet form. How we missed you.
There’s a bunch more right here, by the way.
Continue Reading August 10th, 2007
Time once again to root around in the world of minor league baseball with Rick Chandler’s Minor Enterprise!
Oh for the innocence of yesteryear, when baseball’s idea of cheating was fooling a baserunner with an errant potato. It’s hard to believe that it’s been 20 years since The Great Potato Caper, when Dave Bresnahan of the Williamsport Bills concocted what is probably the best trick play in baseball history. On that glorious day in 1987, Bresnahan — a backup catcher who was hitting .197 — fooled a Reading Phillies baserunner by throwing a potato into left field, and then tagging the runner out at the plate with the real ball. Bresnahan was released from the Cleveland Indians organization following the stunt and fined $50, but quickly ascended to a revered spot in baseball lore that has not diminished to this day.
The Williamsport Crosscutters (as the team is now known) will mark the 20th anniversary of Bresnahan’s play with Potato Night on Saturday, Aug. 18, when the Class-A New York-Penn League team plays host to the State College Spikes at 7:05 p.m.
“Frankly, I am very surprised at the level of interest that my stunt produced and the fact that people still make a big deal about it, even after 20 years,” Bresnahan said recently. “A minor league season gets to be a long grind, particularly when you are a second-string catcher and hitting only .149. I just wanted to have some fun and break up the monotony a little.”
On August 18, the first 1,000 fans will receive a Bresnahan bobblehead that depicts him with a potato in his throwing hand. And Bresnahan himself will be on hand to sign autographs, meet fans and help re-enact the event. A rare opportunity to get a signed Dave Bresnahan potato bobblehead? I am on my way as soon as I’m done typing this.
Bob Vance presides over The Office Olympics, a live report from Awful Night, plus the majesty of the World’s Tiniest Elvis, all after the jump.
Thanks to the great Benjamin Hill, we have a spiffy, first-person account of Awful Night with the Altoona Curve (Class-AA Eastern League), which included, among other things, an appearance by Captain Awful, pictured here. I don’t want to know why his fingers are yellow. Amazingly, the karaoke version of Paul Simon’s You Can Call Me Al was not the most awful thing that evening. An excerpt from Hill’s article:
Upon the conclusion of the fifth inning, solitary fans are highlighted on the “Alone Cam” (a twist on the standard “Kiss Cam,” which features smooching couples). None of these individuals seem to mind being singled out for ridicule, serving as a powerful repudiation of the notion that one needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy.
The full report is here. Thanks, Benjamin!
Upcoming promotions:
• World’s Largest Office Party. Saturday, Aug. 11. West Virginia Power (Class-A South Atlantic League). Robert R. Shafer, whom you may know as Bob Vance from NBC’s The Office, will preside over an Office Olympics for your enjoyment. Plus, it’s Naturalization Night at Appalachian Power Park. Very nice! High five!
• Jackie Robinson Night. Sunday, Aug. 12. Brooklyn Cyclones (Class-A New York-Penn League). An appearance by Jackie’s widow, Rachel Robinson, is part of African-American Heritage Night; plus, Ebbets Field models to the first 2,000 adults who show up, and it’s Soccer Night!
• Elvis Night. Thursday, Aug. 16. Tulsa Drillers (Class-AA Texas League). Help observe the 30th anniversary of Elvis’ death with the Drillers; the highlight being an appearance by Little E, who is billed as the World’s Shortest Elvis Impersonator. Evidently he’s also licensed to perform weddings, as he will preside over the Drillers’ attempt to set the record for the World’s Largest Wedding prior to the game. You missed Bill Murray Night, don’t miss this.
• Grand Valley State Vs. Wayne State Football Game. Saturday, Sept. 29. West Michigan Whitecaps (Class-A Midwest League). Fifth Third Ballpark, home of the Whitecaps, will be converted to a football venue as the Grand Valley State Lakers will take on the Wayne State Warriors in The Fall Classic presented by Centennial Wireless. Said Grand Valley State Director of Athletics Tim Selgo: “We are excited to bring Laker Football to Grand Rapids and Fifth Third Ballpark in a ‘Throwback’ game like when the Detroit Lions played at Tiger Stadium and the Cleveland Browns played at Municipal Stadium.” Yes, this is exactly like that! The Lakers, by the way, are the two-time NCAA Div. II national champions, and have a 28-game winning streak; the longest in college football in any division.
We need your minor league tips! Send any game reports, photos, promo information or Tiny Elvis sightings to RickChand@GMail.com. Thank you very much!
Continue Reading August 10th, 2007
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we’re going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it.
Last year, we asked some of our favorite writers to opine why Their Favorite Team Was Better Than Yours. Ultimately, we found this constrictive, and it also might have killed James Frey. So this time, we’ve just asked them to just run free, talk about their team, their experience as a fan, their hopes, their dreams, their desires for oral sex. All our teams are now assigned; if you sent us an email and we didn’t get back to you, we’re sorry, and we accept your scorn. But today: The Denver Broncos.
Your author is Brian Doolittle, who covers the NBA for The Roto Times, blogs with his brother and Kansas City Star sportswriter, Brad, at DoolittleBrothers.com and satisfies his addiction to classic rock my being the webmaster for K-Hits96
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Most Broncos fans do not have an inflated negative perception about Jake Plummer’s 54 starts for Denver over the past four seasons. After all, he had three above-average seasons before last season’s painful struggle. But his downfall did become inevitable in 2006 and, unfortunately, I was there at Arrowhead Stadium (one of almost 81,000) on Thanksgiving Night, last November 23, to witness Plummer’s final on-field breaths as an NFL starting QB.
It was an odd game; not so much for the crazy, colorful parking lot scene featuring deep fried turkeys and ample holiday intoxication, but for what Plummer did. He looked completely inept, defeated and frustrated. He made no significant plays. Yet somehow he went 25-for-39 for 216 yards. (I went 6-for-6 in drinking beers for 144 total ounces, four restroom trips and one inappropriate usage of a female port-a-potty). I was amazed when I saw the box score, but a slew of seven-yard completions on second- and third-and-long will do wonders to put some shine on a game recap. His QB rating of 76.4 in that game closely mirrors that of his career rating of 74.6. An appropriate ending to his 136th and last career start. He went 0-for-6 in KC.
But the disappointments of last season have faded thanks to second-year QB Jay Cutler and, really, because of one amazing play. In arguably the greatest pass in the history of organized football — or, at least, one of the NFL’s best in recent seasons — Cutler showed he had some special ability. In his third start, Cutler launched a 64-yard TD pass to Javon Walker on the Broncos’ third play of the game in a win over Arizona. The throw traveled 65 glorious yards in the air. He finished 21-for-31 with 261 yards. Cutler put up nice overall numbers in his five starts last season and is definitely now the focus of attention for Orange Crush Nation.
Though Denver went 9-7 in 2006, its season ended in cruel fashion. After an agonizing 26-23 overtime loss at home to the 49ers to improbably miss the playoffs, the Broncos’ New Year’s Eve would grow more painful as Darrent Williams was shot to death later that night. As it should, that tragedy has somewhat overshadowed the on-field disappointment.
But moving forward, there are plenty of reasons why the Broncos will go 19-0. Ooops. I do that every year. But 11-5 is very reasonable. Cutler is already an average NFL starting quarterback and will get better fast. He has Mike Bell and newcomer Travis Henry (1,211 yards for Tennessee in 2006) to run the ball and Javon Walker, newcomer Brandon Stokley and Brandon Marshall to catch the ball. Good enough for me. The offensive line should be solid, though their collective streak of not talking to the media may end at 12 years as the NFL is putting the pressure on.
“No more offensive linemen saying, ‘We’re not talking,’ or ‘We’re going to appoint a spokesman for the week,”‘ said Greg Aiello, the NFL’s public relations boss. “That will not be tolerated.”
Defensively, it is troubling to see Al Wilson leave after eight spectacular seasons. But he’s gone, so get used to the new man in the middle, Nate Webster. Outside linebacker Ian Gold is highly skilled and is now Denver’s most-tenured defensive starter. To replace Williams — who was a legitimate, rising playmaker — Denver shipped Tatum Bell to Detroit for Dre Bly, who is a very similar player to what Williams was. The Denver secondary is among the league’s elite with Bly, superstar Champ Bailey, Nick Ferguson and John Lynch. The Broncos allowed 326 yards per game last season, including 213 passing yards per game. So the secondary needs to be better.
Rod Smith, a 12-year Denver veteran, is questionable to return from hip surgery but is currently in camp. If you don’t love Rod Smith, you don’t love NFL football.
I have been a devoted fan of the Broncos since the glory days of Haven Moses, Rick Upchurch, Steve Watson, Sammy Winder, Randy Gradishar, Louis Wright and Tom Jackson among countless others. I even remember just a little Craig Morton; I jumped on board in 1978 at the age of five. Living in a remote area in Iowa until I was 12 years old allowed me free reign to choose my teams, since I had little geographical devotion to any teams. Plus, the Chiefs really sucked. But I’ve stuck with this thing, and after drafting Him in 1983, I have been glued to every single game — and very well rewarded. I regard the Mile High Stadium setting to be among the best in all sports. I also trust Mike Shanahan to maximize his team’s abilities. With Cutler at the helm from the Game One, this will be a memorable season as Denver builds momentum for a 2008 Super Bowl run - and hopefully a 2007 playoff run.
Only one thing must not occur: Cutler getting hurt. Then we would have Patrick Ramsey to watch and our Sunday beer frenzies would turn quite sour.
Continue Reading August 10th, 2007
Say what you will about the Cardinals, but they know how to handle PR. Postseason stud and cult hero needs to go to rehab for substance abuse? Hey, bring up Ankiel! A happy story to drown out the ugly one. And it absolutely worked.
The problem of course: Scott Spiezio — an Illini grad, by the way — really does have a drug problem, and he’s in a lot of trouble.
Spiezio’s problems apparently came to a head Monday night when he received intravenous fluid during and shortly after the team’s series opener against the San Diego Padres. Exhibiting an elevated heart rate and sweating profusely, Spiezio also was noticeably irritated and anxious, according to a person familiar with the situation.
When it was suggested that he be hospitalized and undergo blood testing, Spiezio abruptly disconnected the IV and left the stadium, sources confirmed. On Tuesday Spiezio apparently approached the club for assistance and was put in contact with a representative from the organization’s Employee Assistance Program. At that point arrangements were made to find treatment for the player.
We’re not sure the substances that might cause Spiezio to act in such a fashion — we have a few ideas — but it’s not every day that one of your most popular players leaves the team because he’s addicted to drugs, and hardly anybody notices. Well done, Cards PR.
Spiezio To Seek Treatment [St. Louis Post Dispatch]
Continue Reading August 10th, 2007
It has been more than 24 hours since the Steelers unleashed Steely McBeam onto the world, and their fans are far from making their peace with it.
Pittsburgh blogger Gene Bromberg is, in particular, struggling.
I’m totally pissed off and my pissed-offedness is a totally righteous one. What the HELL were these people thinking? The Pittsburgh Steelers are the paragon of no-frills, no-excuses, I’m-gonna-smash-your-head-in-all-the-live-long-day-football. Which pretty much sums up the city’s attitude toward, well, everything.
And we have a frickin’ mascot called STEELY MCBEAM?? This is UNACCEPTABLE. This must be STOPPED. We have to DO SOMETHING. My CAPS LOCK button is GOING TO BREAK SOON unless SOMETHING IS DONE.
To paraphrase Simmons, this would never happen if Bill Cowher were still alive.
You Gotta Be Kidding Me … No, You’re Not Kidding Me [GeneBromberg.com]
The New Steelers Mascot Is FABULOUS [Deadspin]
Continue Reading August 10th, 2007
Pac Man Jones made his professional wrestling promotional debut last night, and, well, he’s doing a pretty good job, because here we are, writing about him.
Weirdest thing, though, is that the promotional angle has pushed over into the real world; the man who was paralyzed in the famous Make It Rain strip club shooting is a former professional wrestler, and some guys are threatening to really hurt Pac Man.
When Pacman Jones makes his first television appearance in professional wrestling, George Petraski wonders if the tables will be turned on the Titans cornerback. Petraski and his friend Tom Urbanski have been pro wrestlers. They were also co-workers at a Las Vegas strip club on Feb. 19 when a melee was followed by gunfire that hit Urbanski and paralyzed him from the waist down.
Petraski said he wonders if TNA co-founder Jeff Jarrett “has something up his sleeve” for Jones. Petraski said he and Urbanski have worked with Jarrett in the past. “Maybe the joke might be on Pacman,'’ Petraski said. “Because Jeff knew us and he knew Tom and maybe he is saying, ‘Hey, this guy is a clown, let’s get him in here and hurt him.’ In the wrestling business it’s called a ’shoot,’ and that is when it is real, when they try and take you out. A lot of guys know Tom, and us guys in wrestling are like a clique. They might beat Pacman into submission.”
This was an angle we had not considered; we are intrigued. We’re still not buying the dumb pay-per-view, though.
Pac Man Jones’ Wrestling Debut [The Tennessean]
Pac Man Thinks He’s A Team Player [NYJerPlease]
Continue Reading August 10th, 2007
Remember the old days in the NL East, when the Braves were pulling this crap on the Mets all the time? Willie Harris provided the heroics in the outfield and Chipper Jones the muscle in the clubhouse as Atlanta picked Mr. Met’s pocket, 7-6. Harris leaped above the left-field fence to pull in Carlos Delgado’s drive in the ninth to preserve the win — after also (possibly) robbing Moises Alou of a three-run homer in the first. As a result, the Braves moved to within 3 1/2 games of first-place New York in the East as Atlanta heads to Philadelphia.
Afterwards, Chipper Jones shooed away New York reporters from his locker complaining that he was misquoted on Thursday, regarding Alex Rodriguez and steroids. I think Chipper is full of it, but you be the judge.
• Mariners Are In First Place In Wild Card Race … And In Our Hearts. If you find it hard to believe — as I do — that the Mariners haven’t swept the Orioles in a three-game series since 2000, then feast your eyes on this. Ichiro Suzuki and the great Yuniesky Betancourt each had three hits and three RBI to lead Seattle over Baltimore 13-8. The Mariners scored 31 runs on 49 hits in their three-game sweep, and are one game ahead of Detroit and New York in the AL wild-card race.
• Your Rafael Furcal Update. New Rule: Players who leave more men on base than they drive in are not allowed to point to the sky when they finally hit a homer. Rafael Furcal, so inept during the regulation nine (runners in scoring position three different times), so glorious in extras. His homer in the 11th led the Dodgers over the Reds 5-4, ending six-game losing streak.
• Cubs Lash Out. OK, everyone who said we were done? Take that, you bastards. Cubs 10, Rockies 2. BITE US!
• The Indignity … Devil Rays 8, Tigers 1. Past two games combined: Devil Rays 15, Tigers 2. How mortifying.
Continue Reading August 10th, 2007
We’re gonna get this out of the way first thing, so we can all move on with our days, OK? Thank you. So, Rick Ankiel.
We were scheduled to fly out of LaGuardia Airport to St. Louis about 2:45 yesterday, and once we learned Rick was coming, we called our friends we were staying with and decided to go to the game. We were scheduled to land at 4:30 Central Time. Plenty of time. Unfortunately, thanks to the freaking tornado that landed in Brooklyn late Tuesday night, all the flights were delayed, and we sat on the LGA tarmac for two hours, sitting next to a 94-year-old woman who called us “a handsome boy.”
We landed at Lambert right before first pitch; we cabbed it directly to the stadium, and, sadly, missed Ankiel’s first at-bat. But we hung in, and then the eighth inning came, and then … well, you saw it.
We’re not gonna get all emotional here, because we figure we’ve already exhausted your patience will all this, so just a few notes from the night.
• Ankiel is wearing No. 24. This is now the third different number Ankiel has worn for the Cardinals. He wore 66 when he initially pitched, 49 when he made his first comeback and now 24. Twenty four makes him look more like a hitter, like how a wide receiver wearing No. 6 looks faster than a guy wearing No. 84.
• Ankiel looked completely overmatched in his first three at-bats. And then the pitch he hit … we have no idea how he flicked that over the wall. It was one thing to hear about Ankiel hitting home runs in bunches down in AAA; it was another thing to actually see it. The whole evening was surreal.
• We’ve never seen Tony LaRussa so excited. Ever. Afterwards, LaRussa said that, after Adam Wainwright’s strikeout to win the World Series, it was the best moment he’s had in a Cardinals uniform. We’re not quite ready to go that far, but still.
• After the game, we stopped by Jack Buck’s new restaurant — ominously called J. Buck’s — at watched ESPNews. In the bottom right hand corner, it said, “BECKHAM PLAYS 21 MINUTES; ANKIEL HOMERS IN FIRST GAME BACK.” Rick Ankiel, our Rick Ankiel, was a news alert on ESPN; this was like seeing your sister’s wedding announcement show up on the crawl. ESPN, being ESPN, made sure to bookend the homer with clips of Ankiel in the 2000 postseason. You know how, a few months afer 9/11, the networks collectively decided footage of that day was too intense to just casually toss on television? ESPN should do that with the Ankiel 2000 video.
• But yes. The Natural. Young Musial. We don’t know how the rest of this Ankiel experiment is gonna turn out, but for one night, one majestic night, it was perfect. So perfect, in fact, that we’re gonna try it again tonight. As we’ve said before: If there’s hope for Rick Ankiel, there’s hope for all of us.
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