Archive for August 3rd, 2007
Continue Reading August 3rd, 2007
We make no claims to physical supremacy, or aptitude, or even the ability to walk 40 feet without heaving. But surely, new Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn isn’t this weak.
According to the Los Angeles Times, Gwynn, as recently as 12 weeks ago, could only bench press 40 pounds.
Before his induction into the Hall of Fame on Sunday, Gwynn publicly signed up to try to shape up, consenting to have his progress documented in the Wheaties “Fit to Win Challenge.” Over a 12-week period, Gwynn lost 19 pounds, along with a total of 17.25 inches off his waist, arms and chest. Other statistics released by a spokeswoman for Wheaties: Gwynn reduced his body-fat percentage by 9.8%, increased his bench press from 40 pounds to 200 pounds and went from five push-ups to 25. His flexibility rating went from poor to above average, and his cardiovascular efficiency improved dramatically.
This man was a professional athlete, and apparently he couldn’t bench press the bar. This is what happens when you don’t do steroids, people.
Tony Gwynn Is A Greek God - Gwynn Could Bench Press 40 Pounds, Do 5 Push Ups [SportsWrap BeRecruited]
Continue Reading August 3rd, 2007
Time once again to check in on the world of minor league baseball, with Rick Chandler’s Minor Enterprise!
Remember reading comic books as a kid, and thrilling to the adventures of the Fresno Grizzly and the Colorado Springs Sky Sox Coyote? Um, me neither. But with Minor League baseball’s new partnership with Marvel Comics, you can now enjoy the heroic exploits of all Class-AAA team mascots; even the Portland Beaver, who on this cover seems to have some strange, ninja, pirate powers that I just don’t understand. We touched on this earlier this week, but had no idea that the deal with Marvel was for all Triple-A clubs until the Grizzlies sent us this comic.
Superman. Batman. Spider-Man. These superheroes have given hope to the hopeless and provided people with the ability to live out their dreams through comic books and movies. These three superheroes and many more will be immortalized by the Fresno Grizzlies on Friday, August 3rd at Chukchansi Park as a part of Superhero Night. The first 5,000 fans through the gates will receive a free comic book, depicting familiar superheroes in a customized story for Triple A Baseball.
Batman will also be making an appearance at Chukchansi, as he will throw out the first pitch and will be on hand to sign autographs during the game. I just hope it’s not the Val Kilmer one.
A few photos from Star Wars Night with the West Michigan Whitecaps, and, of course, the Amazing Christopher, all following the jump.
A report on Star Wars Night with the West Michigan Whitecaps from a couple weeks back. Among the highlights were a clone trooper playing the National Anthem on electric guitar, and, yes, a pig wearing an inner tube. Industrial Light and Magic, you’ve done it again! [Thanks to Midwest Garrison]
This week’s dandy promotions:
• Tribute To Watermelon. Today. Columbus Catfish (Class-A South Atlantic League). All I’ll say is, it’s about time.
• The Amazing Christopher/Scout Sleepover Night. Saturday, Aug. 4. Altoona Curve (Class-AA Eastern League). A man dressed as the Indian Chief from The Village People, combined with a sleepover for young scouts? I prefer to call it What Could Possibly Go Wrong Night.
• Tribute To Montreal With Tim Wallach. Sunday, Aug. 5. Vermont Lake Monsters (Class-A New York Penn League). The Lake Monsters used to be an affiliate of the Montreal Expos, and will pay tribute to those roots when they welcome former Expo Tim Wallach for a picture and autograph session. So gather all of your Tim Wallach memorabilia and prepare for epic excitement. [Thanks to Benjamin Hill]
• Strike Out High Cholesterol Night. Monday, Aug. 6. Albuquerque Isoptopes (Class-AAA Pacific Coast League). Not only have the Isotopes teamed up with a research-based pharmaceutical company to educate the public on increased LDL levels in adults, but it’s also 50-cent Hot Dog Night! (This is true). Two great tastes that go great together!
• Make Your Own Promotion Night. Wednesday, Aug. 8. Jupiter Hammerheads (Class-A Florida State League). Um, nickel beers? And, the drinking fountains also dispense beer?
• Lindsay Lohan Drunk Driver Awareness Night. Thursday, Aug. 2. Savannah Sand Gnats (Class-A South Atlantic League). Sadly I missed this event, and I really wanted to attend … it was also Thirsty Thursday, and beer was half price. Plus, Hook Towing had a wrecked car from a drunk driving accident on display at the main gate, and there was a blood alcohol testing van for the kids. Come to think of it, I also missed Britney Spears Car Seat Safety Day last year. [Thanks to Coley Ward at UmpBump].
• Mascot Of The Week. Stitches. Elmira Pioneers (Amateur New York Collegiate Baseball League). Please do not mash Stitches. Seriously, kids … hey! Stitches is supposed to be round, not shaped like a pierogi. Watch the eye! Goddamn it! Stitches hates kids!
• Bobblehead Of The Moment. Jeff Samardzija Bobblehead Giveaway, Today. Boise Hawks (Class-A Northwest League). Will the collectible depict Samardzija in the uniform of his former minor league baseball team, the Hawks, or in Notre Dame football gear (he was a receiver for the Fighting Irish)? The answer is unclear. What we do know: Samardzija’s nickname is The Shark, he gave up a single to Barry Bonds in Cactus League play this year, and he has his own blog.
We need your minor league tips! Send any photos, game reports, promotion news or Green Goblin sightings to RickChand@GMail.com. And thank you, citizen!
Continue Reading August 3rd, 2007
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we’re going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it.
Last year, we asked some of our favorite writers to opine why Their Favorite Team Was Better Than Yours. Ultimately, we found this constrictive, and it also might have killed James Frey. So this time, we’ve just asked them to just run free, talk about their team, their experience as a fan, their hopes, their dreams, their desires for oral sex. All our teams are now assigned; if you sent us an email and we didn’t get back to you, we’re sorry, and we accept your scorn. But today: The St. Louis Rams.
Your author is Tim Grierson, , a film and music critic whose work appears in L.A. Weekly, Blender, VH1.com, and The Simon. When he gets around to it, he also blogs at Everybody’s Got One. His words are after the jump.
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They’re in a mediocre division and they play in the weaker conference. Their defense is abysmal — your grandma could rush for 100 yards on them — but they get plenty of turnovers and their offense scores enough to keep them in any game. They have possibly the best up-and-coming running back in the league. They missed the playoffs by a fraction last year and ended the season on a three-game winning streak.
So what inspirational credo have the St. Louis Rams adopted for 2007?
I Believe.
In general, teams’ marketing campaigns to entice fans to spend hard-earned cash for season tickets are pretty lame. (If you made life decisions based solely on ads’ sheer creative bravado and pulse-pounding, tear-jerking sentiment, you’d more likely join the Marines than fork over all that dough for crappy upper-deck seats.) But the Rams’ attempt at a battle cry has that distinct scent of desperation and denial to it.
When underrated teams go far into the playoffs, they start to adopt that lovable-underdog persona, and you’ll see their fans holding up homemade signs that invariably say “I Believe” on them. If you get a bunch of those in the stands at the end of a season, it feels inspiring; it feels earned, like Peter O’Toole in Lawrence of Arabia proudly completing his trek across the desert, exhausted but triumphant, when nobody said he could do it. But at the beginning of the season, telling your fans “I Believe” is akin to saying, “Hey, it could happen! It’s a long shot, but what the hell, right?”
It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself as much as you are anyone else.
The truth is the Rams could make the playoffs. Defensive coordinator Jim Haslett’s squad almost by default has to be better than it was last season. Only four teams allowed more points, and only the Colts gave up more rushing yards, and so a bunch of starters were sent packing. In terms of fresh faces, the biggest hope is former Lions defensive end James Hall, who’s been merely OK since a pretty terrific ‘04 season. And the Rams are praying that Adam Carriker, their recently-signed first-round draft pick, will be able to make the transition from defensive end at Nebraska to defensive tackle. Leonard Little will continue to be overlooked by Pro Bowl voters, although if Hall can draw enough pressure away from him, he’s going to have a monster season. They’ll miss Fakhir Brown if the suspension isn’t overturned. On the whole, if these guys can just learn to tackle as well as they strip the ball, they’ll be getting somewhere.
Meanwhile, the offense will be even better than the ‘06 unit that outscored several teams that actually made the playoffs. Steven Jackson wants to prove last year wasn’t a fluke, Torry Holt never ages, Isaac Bruce rebounded nicely from an injury-plagued ‘05 season, and Marc Bulger is coming off a career year. And now they’ve got a formidable tight end (Randy McMichael, grateful to have survived the sinking ship that is the Miami Dolphins) and a strong third wide receiver in Drew Bennett, and Dante Hall’s aboard too because, hey, why not?
So, you’ve got an amazing offense and a cross-your-fingers defense. It’ll work out, right? Folks, I gotta tell ya: I hate teams that work under this philosophy. No single college football season was more painful for me than 2005 was, as I watched my USC Trojans dodge bullet after bullet as Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart and a well-timed goal-line shove propelled an overmatched, undersized, ill-equipped, flat-out featherweight defense to the brink of another championship season … only to watch linemen flail helplessly as Vince Young made them look like little boys at the Rose Bowl. Given my choice, I’d always prefer the anemic offense/stellar defense scenario than the other way round. (And before you remind me that the Colts beat the Bears and not vice versa, the Colts defense finally was back to full strength just in time for the Super Bowl.) But that’s not the situation the Rams are in.
With all that in mind, look at their schedule and tell me how they’re gonna get more than eight wins. Being generous, I gave them victories over their first three opponents - at home against the Panthers and 49ers, on the road at Tampa Bay - and then a loss at Dallas and a win at home against Arizona. That puts them at 4-1, exactly the way they started last season when the Rams faithful were convinced they were gonna get back in the playoffs after the 6-10 debacle in ‘05. But then came five straight losses, including two last-minute heartbreakers to the Seahawks. They managed to beat three terrible teams at the end of the season - and one of them, the Redskins, had a big lead and then basically gave them the game - to leave them at a respectable 8-8. By the time people realized they still had a shot at the postseason, it really didn’t matter anymore.
I see the same sort of thing happening this year. They’ll lose to the Saints and the 49ers on the road in November, and they’ll be at 5-5. Four of their last six are at home - against Seattle, Atlanta, Green Bay, and Pittsburgh - and they travel to Cincinnati and Arizona. I say they split those last six. If the Rams can start beating the Seahawks the way they used to back in the Martz era, they’ve got a shot at reaching the postseason, but how likely is that if they can’t shut down Shaun Alexander? And if everything goes according to plan for the Niners, San Francisco could legitimately challenge Seattle for first place, leaving the Rams potentially third in the West. (As a side note, it’s still totally unfair that St. Louis is paired up in a division with teams from Washington, California and Arizona.)
I’ve gone through the schedule a few different ways, and it always ends up at 8-8. They’re gonna lose a couple they should win, but they’ll also catch a break here and there elsewhere during the year. It’s what happened last season, and it’s what happened in ‘04 when they lucked into the playoffs at, yup, 8-8. I think the casual NFL couch potato will enjoy watching the Rams more than their actual supporters will because those not invested will dig the ping-pong, back-and-forth scoring. Meanwhile, their fans will be going prematurely gray and weeping uncontrollably.
Head coach Scott Linehan is credited for being more of a “regular guy” leader than Martz, who I never liked, but he doesn’t have a lot of personality, and his team seems equally … well, just sorta there. If they start off strong, they’ll build some momentum for the tougher games later in the year. Haslett’s defense might come around like he keeps predicting it will. There’s reason for optimism. But if they lose to Carolina and San Francisco back to back at home and fall to 0-2, here’s what I believe: They’re gonna be in for a reeaaal long season.
Continue Reading August 3rd, 2007
A new story in Conde Nast Portfolio magazine confirms what we’ve all pretty much known for a few years anyway: George Steinbrenner is decrepit and deluded about what’s going on in the world.
He looks dreadful. His body is bloated; his jawline has slackened into a triple chin; his skin looks as if a dry-cleaner bag has been stretched over it. Steinbrenner’s face, pale and swollen, has a curiously undefined look. His features seem frozen in a permanent rictus of careworn disbelief.
Whatever a rictus is, that sounds terrible. We worry for George, but we worry more for the Yankees fan, who is having a tough enough time as it is. Every Yankees fan we know is summed up rather perfectly in today’s Dugout post.
Baseball And Steinbrenner [Conde Nast Portfolio]
Roger Clemens Is Human? [The Dugout]
Continue Reading August 3rd, 2007
Good rule of thumb: When a professional athlete is arrested for solicitation of a prostitute, we are required to write about it, even if that athlete only average 3.7 points a game last year.
The promising Wizards forward Andray Blatche was busted Thursday morning for trying to pick up an undercover cop with a buddy of his.
According to D.C. police, Blatche and a male acquaintance were arrested at 12:11 yesterday morning in front of 10 Thomas Circle in Northwest Washington after attempting to solicit sex from a female police officer in the prostitution enforcement unit. He appeared in D.C. Superior Court yesterday evening and was released. He also was wanted for failure to appear on a charge of driving without a license, stemming from an arrest in October 2006, according to charging documents.
We have to say, as far as NBA off-court sexual malfeasance goes, we’ll take the Thwarted Courtesan Threesome over the Masturbating In Your Limo To Porn. At least Blatche was trying.
Blatche Charged With Solicitation [Washington Post]
Continue Reading August 3rd, 2007
This unmitigated piece of brilliance is from the great Strange Maps Web site: It’s a geographical breakdown of the United States by its baseball teams. (You can see it much larger on their site.)
We have a few quibbles — the sections for the Royals, Nationals and Braves seem too large; the Orioles, Dodgers and Yankees too small — but this is the type of thing you put on the desktop of your computer. And we couldn’t be happier to see that swath of Cardinals red across the middle, including Mattoon and Arkansas.
The United Countries Of Baseball [Strange Maps]
Continue Reading August 3rd, 2007
The best games on next season’s NBA schedule. Oden-Durant on Christmas Day. [ESPN]
Continue Reading August 3rd, 2007
Remember when the season was young, when the Brewers had a spring in their step and a 12-person beer bong in their parking lot? Milwaukee fans, so thirsty for a championship, drank their fill; enjoying the tasty buzz of an 8 1/2-game lead in the NL Central on June 23. But with every 12-station drinking device there must surely come a hangover, and the Brewers are experiencing that now.
A 12-4 loss to the Mets on Thursday left Milwaukee a percentage point behind the Cubs for first place, the Brewers now even scuffling among themselves. Catcher Johnny Estrada and manager Ned Yost had to be pulled apart during an altercation in the seventh, the Brewers going on to lose their 10th game in 14 tries. The Mets’ Damion Easley had an inside-the-park homer in the sixth to tie it, and a run-scoring double by reliever Jorge Sosa (laugh track) in the seventh put New York on top. Here’s the skinny on the blowup, courtesy the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. David Wright had four hits for the Mets, including his 19th homer in the fifth. Yes, the Brewers are now experiencing a rectal exam of a different sort.
• Next Stop, San Diego. Barry Bonds, no homer, Giants beat Dodgers 4-2. Not only has Bonds not come close to the fences in three games, but now he’s using his family to deflect media criticism, according to some. How much uglier can this get?
• Always Be Closing. So it turns out that Eric Gagne will be closing for the Red Sox … on days that Jonathan Papelbon needs rest, anyway. Let’s just say you should probably get a lead before the eighth if you plan on beating Boston. In his debut, Gagne struck out the first two batters he faced in the ninth, gave up a bloop ground-rule double, a run-scoring single, then a fly out to end the game. Doug Mirabelli was 3-for-3 with a homer for Boston. Tim Wakefield (13-9) won his third consecutive start and sixth out of seven.
• It’s Great To Be A Phillie … Ow! In his debut with the Philadelphias, Kyle Lohse was hit in the right forearm by a line drive (Jacque Jones), lasting just one inning. Jayson Werth had four RBI to lead the Phils to a 10-6 win over the Cubs.
• Beware The Bat Of Jason Jennings. Read it and weep, American League; for you shall never know the wonder of the pinch-hitting pitcher. Or … will you? Jason Jennings’ pinch-hit, two-out single in the 14th inning drove in the winning run in Houston’s 12-11 win over Atlanta. Jennings had been 1-for-17 entering the game.
