Continue Reading August 1st, 2007
Call us crazy, but we have a feeling Barry Bonds is going to tie and/or break this record tonight. We kind of want him to; we really can’t take anymore. The quicker he does it, the quicker we can all move on with our lives. Plus, having him do it in front of the fanbase that hates him more than any other … it just seems right, you know? That is all.
Continue Reading August 1st, 2007
Harry Chiti was an old catcher who, in 1962, was traded to the New York Mets for a player to be named later. That player turned out to be Harry Chiti, who was shipped back to the Indians 15 games later.
That is to say: We love The Player To Be Named Later. And so does The Feed, which puts together a comprehensive history of the baseball-unique animal.
It isn’t easy being a player named later. You’re just sitting there enjoying an afternoon showing of “No Reservations” before dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen with a comely co-ed when, wham, you get a call on your cellphone and find out that you are the Player Named Later and need to be in Modesto by Friday. I don’t envy their life.
We have a feeling, after a couple of starts, we’ll be hoping The Player To Be Named Later in the Cardinals-Red Sox deal is … Joel Pineiro.
The Ballad Of The Player Named Later [The Feed]
Continue Reading August 1st, 2007
We know you never miss Gilbert Arenas’ blog, because you’re a good hearted soul, but if you haven’t had a chance to check today … well … we’re just gonna go ahead and just quote Gilbert directly.
I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.
There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.
I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.
We’re humans. We live on land.
Sharks live in water.
So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.
A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.
When I see on the news where it’s like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I’m like, “Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.”
Seriously: We’re not sure we’re ever gonna like a professional athlete more than we like Gilbert Arenas.
(OK, Ankiel, But that’s IT.)
There Are No Such Things As Shark Attacks [Gilbert Arenas’ Blog]
Continue Reading August 1st, 2007
Like many people, we found ourselves rooting for the Saints last year, even though we became a little exhausted with the repeated meme that, somehow, a football team’s success was going to make it more likely that people would, you know, have homes. But you’d think, in the wake of last year, the Saints’ main selling point would be their hometown. Nope.
Canal Street Chronicles points out that the words “New Orleans” don’t show up a single time on the team’s official site. (The Packers taught us how to properly link to team sites.) We don’t see conspiracies in the omission, more just typical bad marketing. But just in case, go ahead and check the metatags for “San Antonio.”
Hey Tom, You Forgot Something! [Canal Street Chronicles]
Continue Reading August 1st, 2007
Look at that face. That’s the face of a life well lived; that’s the face of a guy who needs his life story told. That’s the face of a guy who has bedded plenty like you, Kolber, you ain’t nothin’.
And that’s a face that needs to be played by Jake Gyllenhaal.
Now it seems Paramount Pictures wants to put Joe Namath’s colorful - and not always jolly - life onscreen. Jake Gyllenhaal is first choice to play Joe. If you ever saw Jake as the Marine in Jarhead, you know he can bulk up impressively. He can look like a star quarterback. And, he is a terrific actor.
(We’re quoting Liz Smith there. Won’t happen again for a while, so revel in it.)
We think a movie about Joe Namath would be rather entertaining. But, really … could it possibly more entertaining than this?
God. It never gets old.
Brokeback Namath [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Continue Reading August 1st, 2007
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we’re going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it.
Last year, we asked some of our favorite writers to opine why Their Favorite Team Was Better Than Yours. Ultimately, we found this constrictive, and it also might have killed James Frey. So this time, we’ve just asked them to just run free, talk about their team, their experience as a fan, their hopes, their dreams, their desires for oral sex. All our teams are now assigned; if you sent us an email and we didn’t get back to you, we’re sorry, and we accept your scorn. But today: The Chicago Bears.
Your author is Mike Bruno, a news editor for Entertainment Weekly’s Web site and a former reporter for The Black Table. His words are after the jump.
—————————–
Rex Grossman does not suck. It’s unfortunate, really. I wish he did suck. Then Lovie Smith and the rest of the organization would have no choice but to replace him with someone who does not suck (or sucks less).
But sadly, Rex Grossman doesn’t suck, per se. He’s certainly capable of great sucktitude, as he proved during his late-season collapse last year, capped by a zero passer rating against the rival Green Bay Packers (one of the weakest teams in the league) and a subpar 73.2 postseason rating. But then there was the 339-yard, 2 TD, 104.3 rating day against Tampa, and the 289-yard, 4 TD, 148 rating game against Detroit. In short, Grossman clearly has the goods, but struggles just a wee bit with consistency. The analysts say it’s mental. You don’t have to get paid Michael Irvin’s salary to figure that one out.
I really do wish it was just a matter of his sucking. Even if the Bears didn’t have a better option at quarterback (and contrary to the growing chorus toward the end of last season, I’m not sure Brian Griese is a better option), if everyone would just recognize that Grossman simply sucks, they could readjust the whole game plan. Don’t ever set up plays way downfield. Make sure he throws at least one outlet pass in the flat every series of downs, no matter how open he thinks Bernard Berrian may be deep in the end zone. Simply use battering ram runner Cedric Benson to soften up the line, and then have Grossman throw short, efficient hook passes to rookie tight end Greg Olsen (who along with Berrian’s development gives plenty of reason to be excited about a passing game, especially if DB-turned-wideout Devin Hester learns to catch) and hope to put up enough points each game to top whatever measly point total the defense allows.
The Bears wouldn’t score 35-40 points as often as they did last season, but they also wouldn’t blow games like they did against Green Bay when Grossman went 2-12 for 33 yards with 3 INTs because, ya know, it was New Year’s Eve, man! Conceding that Grossman just sucks and employing a simple, grind-em-out passing game would also keep the defense off the field more often, which in the games the Bears struggled in, was a major issue.
But it ain’t gonna happen, because Grossman doesn’t suck. We’ve seen him toss multiple 30-plus-yard TD bombs, and - especially for a Bears fan - not even a pair of single digit passer rating games can wipe that image from your head. Bears fans are so hungry for a real-deal, exciting, air-em-out quarterback, a mere hint of talent and they are blinded fromeven the most egregious displays of suckiness.
The Bears have always lived and died by their defense. The legendary 1985 team, for instance, may have had the most charismatic quarterback in Jim McMahon, but he was not the reason the Bears won the Super Bow. It was Mike Singletary, Richard Dent and Gary Fencik who made it possible. Hell, backup QB Steve Fuller stepped in and helped put up 80 points in wins against Atlanta and Dallas that year (as forever immortalized by his Super Bowl Shuffle line, “So bring on Atlanta! Bring on Dallas! This is for Mike and Papa Bear Halas!”) After enduring dung heaps like Kordell Stewart, Rick Mirer, Cade McNown and Kyle Orton, then waiting three years just to see Grossman finally healthy enough to take snaps for a whole season, Grossman’s early performances last year were enough to get fans Super Bowl Shufflin’ all over again, despite a defense that while very good was nowhere near as dominant as the ‘85 squad.
Throw in a weak schedule in a weak division in the weaker conference, and you’ve got yourself a Super Bowl-bound team - albeit one that never had a chance in hell at winning the whole thing, no matter how badly you may have wanted to believe they could.
As we head into this season, in addition to having Grossman problems, there are also serious questions surrounding the defense, which will again have to be top-notch if the Bears have a shot at repeating as NFC champs. First, there’s the one-year contract for newly re-signed and clearly disgruntled Lance Briggs and whether he will be as effective as he needs to be alongside the still-rather-studly Brian Urlacher. Also, will safety Mike Brown and defensive lineman Tommie Harris return to form coming off of season-ending injuries last year? Will a younger, less experienced replacement for perennial dumbshit Tank Johnson be able to help the defensive line put that Monsters of the Midway-type pressure on opposing quarterbacks.
If the defense does put it all together, it will again be quite awesome. Last season, the Bears gave up a stingy 15.9 points per game, third best in the NFL. But as injuries mounted and Grossman’s suckosity increased, they gave up an average of 26.3 points per game in their last four games, though they managed to eke out wins in three of them anyway.
And perhaps that’s the bottom line. With Grossman at the helm, the Bears only lost four times last season, including the Super Bowl. It’s hard to give a player as inconsistent as Grossman too much credit for that success, but it’s also unfair to completely ignore the fact that he started in all 13 regular season wins as well as a pair of postseason victories.
The Bears again have a weak schedule, weak division and play in the weaker conference (which seems to be a Chicago trend that also allowed the Eastern Conference Bulls to make a playoff run and gives the Cubs a realistic shot at taking the MLB-worst NL Central). Even with questions surrounding the defense and whether Benson can handle the RB load all by himself now that Thomas Jones is gone, no one would be too shocked if the Bears again beat New Orleans in an NFC Championship game to decide who gets to lose to San Diego or New England in the Super Bowl.
The football Gods love a good soap opera, and now that Peyton Manning finally won his ring, Grossman coming back and proving he’s the real deal by taking the Bears to the promised land is definitely one of the better storylines this season. Then again, I’m just a deluded Bears fan who refuses to admit that Rex Grossman sucks.
Continue Reading August 1st, 2007
It’s not exactly the time you’d expect Michael Vick to start giving a lot of interviews, but yesterday, for the first time, he spoke publicly about the whole dog fighting business. He didn’t say much.
In an interview with “The People’s Station,” V-103 in Atlanta, Vick said … well, he said that people should stick with him, or something.
“I just want to thank all my fans and all my support and all the people that are praying for Mike Vick and are in my corner right now. It’s a crisis situation for me, but I’m going to get through it and I feel, by the grace of God, that’s the only way. I believe in the outcome at the end, and that’s why I put my faith in the man upstairs. It pains me not be down there right now because I know so many people want to see me and I want to be there.”
The interview was with Porsche Foxx, which is an awesome name. Coincidentally, “Porsche” and “Foxx” are two great dog names.
V-103 Exclusive Interview With Michael Vick [V-103]
Continue Reading August 1st, 2007
So many players looking for milestone achievements on Tuesday; so many failures. Barry Bonds hitless, and still stuck at 754 … no 300th win for the Mets’ Tom Glavine … no 500th homer for A-Rod. Sure, Matt Morris went from the Giants to the Pirates (?) just before the trading deadline expired. But where’s the action? So we lead off Closer today with some glory from the past; Actober.com’s 2007 Postseason Contest, in which fans recreate stirring moments in baseball playoff history on video, and submit ‘em. The contest has only been going for a week, and some of the entries are really quite funny … I never knew, for instance, that Aaron Boone’s walkoff homer in the 2003 ALCS cleared an above-ground pool.
And methinks the one kid in the video is a little too much into the butt-slapping, probably. He’s wearing No. 12, which that season was Kenny Lofton … shouldn’t he switch places with No. 2? Anyway, The Shot Heard Round The Leggo Box is also good (hmm, is that a row of Jar Jar Binkses in the stands?). My entry is going to be time-lapse photography of the growth of Barry’s head (do not steal). Thanks go to Diamondhacks for the link.
• Seled With A Kiss. As mentioned above, Tom Glavine was all set to claim his 300th career victory, but as they say, Bullpen Happens. Glavine allowed two hits over 6-plus innings and left with a 2-1 lead, which New York relievers gave back in the eighth. Geoff Jenkins then hit a two-run homer off of Aaron Sele in the 13th to give the Brewers a 4-2 win. Next stop on the Glavine 300 Tour, Wrigley Field. The Cubs beat the Phillies 7-3 on Tuesday, Chicago remaining one game behind first-place Milwaukee in the Central.
• The Eyes Of Teixeira Are Upon You. So I suppose that we should all watch the top of the standings for Atlanta, suddenly Hotlanta after acquiring Mark Teixeira. The electricity was palpable (if electricity can be palpable) on Tuesday as Kelly Johnson had four hits, among them two homers, and five RBI to lead the Braves over the Astros 12-4. “It was kind of a buzz in here,'’ Johnson said of the anticipation in the clubhouse for Teixeira’s arrival. “You could feel it out there, too. It was a little bit of extra adrenalin. We’re all excited.'’
• Me No Understand Bizarro World. Brandon McCarthy, winless since May 27, beat 13-game winner Fausto Carmona in the Rangers’ 3-1 triumph over the Indians.
• Oops, Sorry Mariners. Gary Matthews Jr. homered (!) as the Angels beat Seattle 8-0. Guess I picked the wrong week to declare the Mariners winners the AL West.
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Jul | Sep » | |||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | ||
