Archive for July 7th, 2007
Continue Reading July 7th, 2007
The world has long pined for the answer to life’s perpetual mystery: Is a Rangers-Orioles game more boring than watching flies screw? Well, an astute reader and his friend attended such a baseball game last night, and saw two horseflies gettin’ down and procreating. Judging by these two fans’ fixation on the happenings atop the safety bar, I’m guessing that the flies win. And did they ever win.
I can’t say I’m well read on the mating ritual of the horsefly. But I did notice that the two little bugs aren’t even watching the baseball game while screwing, giving horsefly sex exactly one thing in common with Peter Angelos’ style of ownership.
Continue Reading July 7th, 2007
Earlier this year, Kevin McClatchy released the chair of Pittsburgh Pirates majority owner from his grasp. Since he was on a roll, yesterday he annouonced he will let go of another cherished title at the end of the year: CEO. Hey, if you love something, let it go. If it finally earns a winning season, it was never your position to begin with.
And what better way to completely relinquish executive duties of a cellar-dwelling team by channeling the unnerving wisdom of football sage John Madden?
“Somebody asked why, and I keep referring to what John Madden said … John Madden said, ‘You get about 10 years in the frying pan and then burnout can take place.’ It was the right time for me to make that change.”
Actually, Mr. McClatchy, I believe Madden wasn’t using a metaphor, but rather talking about an actual frying pan that was burning a steak.
But despite the lack of never winning, well, anything with the Pirates, the guy seemed to have done a damn fine job, day in, day out, every week for a very long time. I say they replace him with three no-names.
McClatchy to Step Down At Season’s End [MLB.com]
Continue Reading July 7th, 2007
Maybe it’s because Eric Byrnes is just too IN YOUR FACE for the studio. Maybe Fox Sports is afraid his energy and enthusiasm could, at any given moment, blow away Jeanne Zelasko’s carbon-fiber wig. Either way, the Arizona Diamondbacks centerfielder, who plays analyst when his team no longer plays baseball, will report on the All-Star game from a kayak in McCovey Cove outside the stadium. EXTREME! [The Smittblog]
Continue Reading July 7th, 2007
I knew there was an underlying reason notable tall dude Greg Oden went to the NBA after one year in college. It couldn’t have been just the money, or the chance to be picked No. 1 overall. No, It had to be for the NBA rule that you foul out after six, not five like in college. Or maybe it was the all-too-enticing summer league, where you foul out after ten.
Oden’s 10 fouls came in only 20 minutes of game action with the Portland Trailblazers, while scoring just six points, getting two rebounds, and blocking two shots. To think, he was four points shy of the elusive points/fouls double-double.
The Seattle Sonics’ Kevin Durant, drafted No. 2, fared a little better. He scored 18 points, but only on 5-of-17 shooting. Worse still, he let his team down after the third quarter in that new controversial rule where you have to bench press as much as you can at midcourt, or your team loses 5 points.
Come On … It’s Summer League Fellas [Sons of Sam Malone]
Kevin Durant Is Low On The Upper Body Strength [Deadspin]
Continue Reading July 7th, 2007
Guys, We Were Closer When We Gave Up 20 Runs. Go ahead. Make the joke. “It’s a football score!” Haw haw haw! Because, see, 20-14 is the kind of final score you might see in an NFL game. But you never hear the joke “Wow, maybe they were playing lacrosse!” Or, “Golly, looks like he should have hit on 14, because the house dealt itself 20!” But actually, this was a baseball score. The Minnesota Twins scored 20 runs on the White Sox in the first game, and followed that act up in the second game of the doubleheader with a 12-0 victory. Without looking, I bet that several Twins had multiple RBI and home runs. Combining both scores, the Twins outscored the Sox 32-14. Wait, 32? That’s a weird football score.
“Miller Is Originally A Greek Word, Derived From Milo, Meaning Apple.” Not to go all pro-Tigers on everyone, but this was Andrew Miller’s longest outing in his young career. He went seven innings, allowing just one run to the Boston Red Sox, winning 9-2. Also, Detroit’s Marcus Thames hit a grand slam, but it was with an existing 3-run lead, so I can’t comfortably say he “helped” them win. It was already won. Detroit is now tied with the Cleveland Indians for first place in the AL Central.
Gigantism Averted. Ken Griffey will forever be remembered for having as many career home runs as Frank Robinson. Until he hits another one. His 586th career homer came in the Cincinnati Reds’ 8-1 rout of the Arizona Diamondbacks.
Maybe He Needs Seven Fingers. The Philadelphia Phillies had the win in hand — Antonio Alfonseca’s creepy, creepy hand — but Brad Hawpe’s home run in the bottom of the 9th sent the game to extra innings, and Yorvit Torrealba’s single in the 11th gave the Colorado Rockies a dramatic 7-6 win. And, aw look, their records are both 43-43. How adorable.
Hey, Fourteen, That’s Kind Of A Football Score. Alex Rodriguez’s middle-finger-toward-New-York season continues strong, going 3-for-4 and hitting his 29th home run of the season, propelling the Yankees to a 14-9 win over the LA Angels. Bartolo Colon (2 innings, 7 earned runs) was at one time an ace pitcher. Remember that?
