It’s rare that the landscape of the NBA can change so dramatically in one night, but tonight it definitely one of those nights. Fittingly, it has nothing to do with an increasingly meandering playoffs.
Yep, someone’s gonna get the keys to drive Greg Oden and Kevin Durant tonight. Will it be the Celtics? Will it be the Grizzlies, depressing all of us? Will it be the Timberwolves, instantly giving Kevin Garnett a reason to live? Will it be the Bulls, giving us an instant Eastern Conference favorite next year?
Yep: It’s time to watch a bald man read the names off envelopes. Hope you have HD!
And yes, we are live-blogging this thing. Well, our man Dan Shanoff is, starting at 8:15 ET, after this here jump. Follow along, mock him, dance, go crazy. Should be as much fun as a televised logistical exercise could possibly be.
Constantly, constantly, after every single pitch, the guy grabs his own groin. Pulls at it, tugs it, twists, touches, holds — it’s like a personal security blanket. He’s the Linus van Pelt of ball fiddling.
We aren’t quite ready to endorse that blog’s theory — crabs — but think it’s more of the nervous habit variety. LeBron bites his fingers, A-Rod picks at his crotch. We all have our thing.
Yankees fans rejoiced — well, maybe rejoiced was the wrong word — when rookie Tyler Clippard avoided a sweep at the hands of the Mets on Sunday night. And, as Newsday pointed out yesterday, it brought all kinds of new friends to Clippard’s MySpace page. So we’re happy to send a few more over.
We can’t say we’re incredibly surprised to learn that Clippard is a Dane Cook fan; we’ll say that.
We enjoy both his interests — “Baseball! BUCKEYES! FINS! GIRLS!” — and name checking of Top Gun. Mr. Clippard, you can ride our tail anytime.
Tonight’s the NBA Draft Lottery, which, if you’ve watched the last half of the season, you know is the most important night of the past 365 days for half the teams in the league. Which is depressing, but whatever.
As always, the real question: How’s it gonna be rigged? Winning The Turnover Battle ranks the candidates, finding, ultimately, that Atlanta has zero chance of winning Oden or Durant, and the Celtics and Timberwolves should be feeling right good. (Seriously, the Timberwolves winning one of the top two picks would change matters rather dramatically.)
Runner on second, nobody out. Michael steps out of the batter’s box to get the sign from his third base coach. Belt, hat, chest, hat; his coach’s instructions are clear.
Michael then looks into the stands and relays the signs to his attorney.
Attorney confers with Michael’s parents. They issue a brief statement: “At this time we feel that a sacrifice bunt would not be wise.” Michael’s parents are charged $3,000.
Timmy files a supplemental brief of the United States in opposition to playing right field.
In a new twist on an old rite of passage, Jean Gonzalez is suing a beloved veteran coach for not teaching her son Martin how to slide properly, according to a lawsuit filed on May 4. The litigation stems from an ill-fated play exactly three years earlier, when Martin, then 12, whacked his first hit of the season and was told to go for second by his first-base coach. When he slid into second base, he suffered “serious bodily injury” that required multiple surgeries and caused “permanent scarring and disability,” according to the suit filed in Staten Island Supreme Court. The suit did not specify the dollar amount of damages.
We’re not sure what team Martin played for, but somehow we imagine him wearing a tiny Cubs uniform.
It is only through the filter of Michael Jordan, the man whose ghost still floats above everything LeBron James does both on and off the court, that LeBron’s 10-point performance in the Cavs’ 79-76 Game 1 loss to the Pistons can be considered a failure. It was the best of all possible scenarios for the Cavaliers last night; their defense played splendidly, they received scoring from difference guys than usual and the Pistons seemed off all game. And they still fell just short. This is a potentially ominous for this series, though, to be fair, it might have been a little different had LeBron gone to the line, say, oh, once.
It’s a measure of how this odd NBA world works, however, that if Donyell Marshall hits that wide open 3-pointer in the final seconds, we’re all praising LeBron’s genius at making his teammates win the game for him. Because Marshall missed, there are those who criticize him for not taking the last shot himself. Such is life as a superstar; if you want us to drink your shitty sports drink, you must make your peace with it.
• Unlike Sisyphus, The Yankees Always Get Time Off For A Tasty Post-Game Buffet. OK, call us juvenile, take away our X-Box for a week, whatever: We still giggle each time we read this headline. Sorry. Led by Alex Rodriguez (third homer in three games) and Chien-Ming Wang, New York beat Boston 6-2 on Monday to climb within a mere 9 1/2 games of the division-leading Red Sox in the AL East. Even the beleaguered Jason Giambi got back into the act, ending a 1-for-26 slump with an upper-deck homer after, what we believe, was a direct order from Bud Selig to get back on the juice and keep his mouth shut about it. Tim Wakefield was less than stellar for Boston, walking five and giving up six runs. But don’t worry Red Sox fans! Julian (Throwdini) Tavares takes the mound tonight against Mike Mussina in Game 2. To the sharp art! Incidentally, we hope that Wang celebrated a bit more elegantly than Tyler Clippard did on Sunday.
• PF Flyers. Prince Fielder had never homered in Dodger Stadium before Monday, when he hit two — which went a combined 900 feet, we’re told — as the Brewers beat the Dodgers 9-5. Rickie Weeks had four hits for Milwaukee and Tony Gwynn Jr. had a two-run double in the sixth.
• There’s Something About Rudy. Gerald Laird, whose name sounds like he should be the Attorney General or at the very least the new president of the World Bank, instead plays for the Rangers. He hit a grand slam in the fifth to lead Texas over Minnesota 14-4 (Texas had beaten Houston on Sunday 14-1). Texas hitting coach Rudy Jaramillo is considering quitting now while he’s ahead.
• Randy Winn And The Very Big Wish. Randy Winn now has a 20-game hitting streak, Ryan Klesko hit a ball into McCovery Cove (fair!) and Noah Lowry threw seven shutout innings in San Francisco’s 4-0 victory over the Astros. Yes, that was a Giants highlight; enjoy.
Aside from myself, the only other AOL guy focused on FanHouse is John Clifford Ness, and each weekday he sends email to tons industry types showcasing our site’s best posts from the day that was. He also publishes these emails to his blog under the tag ‘FanHaus AM Memo.’ It’s one way we market our corner of the sports blogosphere, and since John is getting his Sideways on in northern California right now, I’m handling the duties this week. The memo usually contains upwards of 50 links, so I’m just going to drop my ultra-favorites on you, along with a smattering of commentary …
· You know how Yahoo! Sports seems to have a vested interest in bringing Reggie Bush down for breaking the rules during his time at USC? Well, FanHouse has made 15-plus posts about the Michael Vick dog fighting fiasco over the past week, and I’m not sure anyone’s noticing. Side note: Clinton Portis’ comments on this situation were topic 1A for DC sports talk yesterday, so I can’t imagine what the swirl must be like down in Atlanta.
Finally, as he did with the De La Hoya-Mayweather fight (523 comments!), FanHouse heavyweight Michael David Smith will be live blogging Saturday night’s UFC 71, starring the rematch of Chuck Liddell and Quinton Jackson. I’ve never watched ultimate fighting (like, ever), but this 3:40 primer gives all the backstory I need and makes me want to tune in. Enjoy.
It’s rare that the landscape of the NBA can change so dramatically in one night, but tonight it definitely one of those nights. Fittingly, it has nothing to do with an increasingly meandering playoffs. 
We were at the Yankees-Red Sox game last night, and noticed something that, finally, someone has clearly pointed out: 
Yankees fans rejoiced — well, maybe rejoiced was the wrong word — when rookie 
Tonight’s the 
A sun-splashed Saturday afternoon, 
It is only through the filter of Michael Jordan, the man whose ghost still floats above everything 
Notes from a day in 