This actually happened on Friday night, but LBJ drives the line, rises up high and dunks on Duncan with the right hand for the hoop and the harm. And I wouldn’t post this if you didn’t have to see it, but I’d somehow missed it until now and don’t want it slipping through anyone else’s cracks. Enjoy…
• Just a couple minutes ago, Hines Ward caught a Roethlisberger pass inside the 10, and tried to turn it upfield into the endzone. As he dove across the ball line, the ball was knocked out, and Denver snapped it. Story of the game for the Steelers. They made some plays, they did some good things… but they also screwed the pooch with violent aggression. That made five turnovers for the Steelers, almost all of them in the red zone. There’s currently some loud techno music pumping through Heinz Field, I guess to punish the people of Pittsburgh. Denver wins 31-20.
• The San Francisco/Minnesota game is over. I’m pretty sure San Francisco won, but I’m afraid if I go check the score, I’ll accidentally see a “highlight” of the game or something, and I already have a headache. I can’t risk it. Joe Montana was honored at halftime for something; I think for opting to masturbate instead of cockblocking Kevin Nealon.
• The Chargers/Browns game is, for some reason, dragging on unmercifully. LaDainian Tomlinson took control in the second half, getting loose for a couple of touchdowns. There’s plenty of time for a Cleveland comeback, but… even if that were to happen, I don’t know if it’s anything you should rush to a television to see.
• I guess the bookies know what they’re doing. The Steelers, despite turning the ball over three times in the first half, are going to head into the break down just four points. It’s not that they haven’t been trying to get blown out; Santonio Holmes is certainly doing his part. He’s fumbled a couple of times on special teams. Ben Roethlisberger’s been a little up and down, but… he’s at least made some positive plays. Will be an interesting second half. Denver is up, 14-10.
• San Diego’s wearing their powder blue throwbacks today, and their play on the field is also a throwback… to the Craig Whelihan era. They’ve managed just three offensive points against the Browns, and got a gift touchdown thanks to a Charlie Frye fumble. Chargers lead, 10-9, just before the half.
• The 49ers have a halftime lead for the first time all season. I don’t know what I can say about this game that’s positive… I think Joe Montana’s gotten more camera time than Brad Johnson and Alex Smith combined. The game is moving quickly, so that’s a plus. That clock is just ticking, ticking, ticking… I like that like Stanley likes Pretzel Day. 49ers lead, 6-3.
• The Bengals just failed to convert a 4th-and-4 with under 2:00 to play that would’ve kept their chances alive. It was close to being pass interference, but T.J. Houshmandzadeh and the official had differing opinions. No flag came, and Houshmandzadeh reacted like someone just snipped off his ponytail. He spiked his helmet down, and was then physically restrained by Marvin Lewis. Ravens win, 26-20.
• It’s not quite over yet, and there’s still time for a Cardinals-like collapse, but the Dolphins are pretty firmly in control of the Bears in the 4th quarter. It’s as unlikely as a dolphin winning a wrestling match against an actual bear. Joey Harrington, at least by Joey Harrington standards, had a decent day, which is to say that his interceptions did not outnumber his touchdown passes. Ronnie Brown has pounded out 111 tough yards on the ground against the Bears defense, and it looks like it’s actually going to happen. Just weird. In the 4th, the Dolphins lead 28-13.
• Redskins kicker Nick Novak just missed a field goal attempt that would’ve given the Redskins the lead with under a minute to play in that game. It’s been a pretty good game, and it’s gone back and forth… though if Terrell Owens could catch, it would probably be in the books already as a Cowboys W. Tony Romo’s got 31 seconds here to get the Cowboys in field goal range… he does what he has to do, and here comes Mike Vanderjagt. for the win. And it’s blocked. Well, of course it is… it’s Mike Vanderjagt. And we’re going to overtime. Yeeeee-Ha…
• Okay, maybe not. Sean Taylor picked up the ball, ran like hell with it, and someone picked up a 15-yard facemask… which not only put the Redskins in field goal range, but it gives the Redskins one untimed down. This is bizarre… here’s Novak again, from 47, and it’s good. It is GOOD.
• Baltimore keeps doing what Baltimore does. The Bengals fumbled on a kickoff, and Carson Palmer threw an interception that went to the house, and that should be about all they’ll need. It’s 17-0, and Carson Palmer has been mostly terrible. At the half, it’s 17-7, Ravens over the Bengals, because that’s evidently what God wants to happen.
• Brett Favre’s giving a vintage performance, if by “vintage,” you mean, “last year.” London Fletcher converted a Favre pass to six buffalo points. There’s really not much to enjoy about this game, unless you’re looking for some idle background noise while you sleep off your hangover. It’s 10-0 Buffalo, and the Packers just fumbled away an opportunity to get on the board with 10 seconds to play in the half.
• Interceptions for touchdowns are kind of a theme today. Defensive end Jason Taylor took a Rex Grossman pass back for a Miami touchdown, giving the Dolphins a 14-3 lead over Chicago (it’s now 14-10). Somewhere, Nick Buonticonti and Larry Csonka are ready to break out the baby oil and enjoy some mutual massage. I almost always pull for the underdogs, but… those ‘72 Dolphins sort of annoy me, and I know they’re loving this. I don’t care if the Bears lose, but I’d rather it wasn’t this week.
There’s at least one woman out there who couldn’t care less about the Manning/Brady hype. She has eyes only for Jake Delhomme, and those eyes are very, very crazy.
Meet Deborah Voit, a woman who was recently arrested and charged with stalking Carolina Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme. If you’re wondering why she’s so smitten wake Jake Delhomme, I don’t think there’s a reason; the woman isn’t real picky about who she stalks. She’s been convicted of stalking twice, and has been jailed eleven times in the past year. Seems to me like she has more in common with Chris Henry. I’m kind of surprised that their paths haven’t crossed.
The woman recently got past security at the Panthers practice facility, and followed Delhomme onto the field, and handed John Fox a letter to give to Delhomme. She’s called him repeatedly, visited him in his hotel room, and even called his parents.
But I also know that you are the most wonderful, loving awesome man that I have ever met and I love you with all my heart. You are the best one ever for me to share my life with and I promise you that I am the best one and the right one for you to share your life with and I will be everything you could ask for and more as your companion, lover, best friend, helpmate + confidant as your wife and I will be the love of your life and make life so wonderful for you + you’ll never regret it ever.”
Frightening. Who would want to be with a woman who writes run-on sentences like that?
• Colts @ Patriots. All week long, the Brady/Manning hype machine has been working harder than the Vader-esque panel inserted in Al Davis’s chest. For two reasons, though, I don’t mind. First, it could be much worse… imagine if this game was on ESPN. And secondly, it is Manning vs. Brady, and it is sort of awesome, so sure, go ahead and hype the hell out of it. What am I going to do, watch the Colorado Rapids vs. Houston Dynamo instead?
• Broncos @ Steelers. It’s the most baffling NFL spread of the year: Pittsburgh is favored by 2.5 points. In case you had forgotten, Denver is 5-2, Pittsburgh is 2-5. Denver just lost a nailbiter to one of the league’s two undefeated teams, and Pittsburgh just lost a non-nailbiter to a team that got five completions and 51 yards from their quarterback, and really, it wasn’t a bad game for him. I don’t understand.
• Chiefs @ Rams. Trent Green will be in uniform for the Chiefs, despite the fact that there’s no chance of him playing. He’s officially the third quarterback, but if it were to come to that, fullback Dee Brown (how many goddamn Dee Browns are there?) would actually fill the emergency quarterback role. Essentially, Trent Green is playing dress-up this week, and I’m not giving him any leftover candy.
• Packers @ Bills. Ah, what the hell… Brett Favre and J.P. Losman are so infrequently featured here in the Deadspin NFL preview, so I’m throwing them a bone as they both play to save what’s left of their seasons. With two straight Green Bay wins, it’s been a while since anyone’s called for Brett Favre’s immediate retirement.
• Pacers 109, Knicks 95. On an evening where he shot 1-of-9 from the floor, had 1 assist (a shocking number for a point guard who played 26 minutes), four points, and six turnovers, Stephon Marbury heard the boos from the Garden crowd. Although I believe Marbury chose to believe that they were yelling “Shoes!” as a compliment to his fly new kicks. Al Harrington had 32 points for the Pacers, and set an all-time NBA record for points scored with such a poorly-conceived haircut.
• Rockets 107, Mavericks 76. The Rockets would like you to stop snickering when people mention them as a championship contender. Yao Ming shot 12-of-16 from the floor and 12-of-12 from the line, and Rafer Alston had 14 points and 12 assists for the Rockets. If there is such a thing as a statement game this early in the season, this is it, even if the statement can only be as bold as, “Hey, we won’t suck as long as we’re healthy… which probably won’t be for very long, but just humor us, okay?”
• Jazz 106, Warriors 82. A lot of people like the Jazz this year as a surprise team in the West. And while they aren’t the flashiest, most handsome, or appropriately-nicknamed team in the league, they do have an undefeated record three games in. Mehmet Okur had 21 and 12, Carlos Boozer had 17 and 14, and second-year man C.J. Miles added 17 points. No Warrior scored more than 12 points.
• Just a couple minutes ago, Hines Ward caught a Roethlisberger pass inside the 10, and tried to turn it upfield into the endzone. As he dove across the ball line, the ball was knocked out, and Denver snapped it. Story of the game for the Steelers. They made some plays, they did some good things… but they also screwed the pooch with violent aggression. That made five turnovers for the Steelers, almost all of them in the red zone. There’s currently some loud techno music pumping through Heinz Field, I guess to punish the people of Pittsburgh. 
• I guess the bookies know what they’re doing. The Steelers, despite turning the ball over three times in the first half, are going to head into the break down just four points. It’s not that they haven’t been trying to get blown out; Santonio Holmes is certainly doing his part. He’s fumbled a couple of times on special teams. Ben Roethlisberger’s been a little up and down, but… he’s at least made some positive plays. Will be an interesting second half. 
• The Bengals just failed to convert a 4th-and-4 with under 2:00 to play that would’ve kept their chances alive. It was close to being pass interference, but T.J. Houshmandzadeh and the official had differing opinions. No flag came, and Houshmandzadeh reacted like someone just snipped off his ponytail. He spiked his helmet down, and was then physically restrained by Marvin Lewis. 
• Baltimore keeps doing what Baltimore does. The Bengals fumbled on a kickoff, and Carson Palmer threw an interception that went to the house, and that should be about all they’ll need. It’s 17-0, and Carson Palmer has been mostly terrible. At the half, 
There’s at least one woman out there who couldn’t care less about the Manning/Brady hype. She has eyes only for Jake Delhomme, and those eyes are very, very crazy.
• 