Before it goes lounging around the world on Carnival Cruise Lines, the Larry O’Brien Trophy needed to take part in the Heat’s victory parade in Miami today.
It was great fun for everyone, what with Riles doing the Vince Carter motorcycle dance and the waterguns, and the 65 cases of sunstroke. When it was all over, Shaq guaranteed a back-to-back, and Pat Riley shuffled around the question of his return.
“Don’t ask me that,” Riley said. “Next. Please. I love you — but I can’t answer that right now.”
Our money is on “he actually really doesn’t know yet but will ultimately decide to stay”.
Also contemplating his future is Alonzo Mourning. We can’t find the quote at the moment, but he said something about it “being time to think about him self and maybe make a selfish decision”. This would be in sharp contrast to what happened in Jersey, or with Toronto the following week.
Or that time he was at the hospital and forcibly took that guy’s liver or whatever the hell was wrong with him. In any case, congrats to the Heat - with this post, we officially close the door on the 2005-2006 NBA season, which shall be forever known as “the one before LeBron won his first MVP and title.”
Larry Brown might be the luckiest man in the world. He’ll get a nice settlement from his $50 million contract and, most important, be relieved of all responsibility to coach the 2006 Knicks. Sure, his “dream job” didn’t work out, but now he can sit back and watch the big boat smash into the iceberg from the comfort of his own leather sectional.
Not so for Isiah Thomas, who at this stage of his career, has an ego that far outweighs his ability to do anything but make lewd comments to female Knick executives and sign overrated free agents. But I’m sure he’ll make a great coach. Really.
Let’s employ the crackpot handicapping skills to the NEW-NEW New York Knicks. 2006: a year better? After the jump, get all your Knicks odds.
Knickerbocker Oddsmaking
Odds of drafting a true point guard in first round: 4/1
Odds of drafting a European in first round: 3/1
Odds of trading picks for Allen Iverson: 6/1
Odds of signing Allan Houston to 6-year, $100 million contract to become assistant coach: 2/1
Odds Knicks sign revitalized free agent Shawn Kemp to 5-year, $40 million deal: 7/1
Odds new Knick Shawn Kemp impregnates a Knicks City Dancer: EVEN
Odds new Knick Shawn Kemp impregnates a folding chair: EVEN
Odds new Knick Shawn Kemp impregnates himself: EVEN
Odds James Dolan steps down, sells shares to Isiah Thomas: 4/1
Odds that before All-Star break new majority owner/GM/coach Isiah Thomas un-retires, signs himself to long term contract as point guard: 6/1
Odds Isiah Thomas slapped with new sexual harassment suit: 5/1
Odds new sexual harassment suit filed by Channing Frye: 7/1
Fun With the Over Under
Knick Wins: 12
Stephon Marbury points per game avg.: 32
Stephon Marbury assists per game avg.: 1.7
Stephon Marbury Tattoos per game avg.: 13
Spike Lee exasperated head shakes per game avg: 20
MSG avg. attendance during Knicks game: 4,500
MSG avg. attendance during St. John’s Women’s Basketball game: 4,600
Larry Brown might be the luckiest man in the world. He’ll get a nice settlement from his $50 million contract and, most important, be relieved of all responsibility to coach the 2006 Knicks. Sure, his “dream job” didn’t work out, but now he can sit back and watch the big boat smash into the iceberg from the comfort of his own leather sectional.
Not so for Isiah Thomas, who at this stage of his career, has an ego that far outweighs his ability to do anything but make lewd comments to female Knick executives and sign overrated free agents. But I’m sure he’ll make a great coach. Really.
Let’s employ the crackpot handicapping skills to the NEW-NEW New York Knicks. 2006: a year better? After the jump, get all your Knicks odds.
Knickerbocker Oddsmaking
Odds of drafting a true point guard in first round: 4/1
Odds of drafting a European in first round: 3/1
Odds of trading picks for Allen Iverson: 6/1
Odds of signing Allan Houston to 6-year, $100 million contract to become assistant coach: 2/1
Odds Knicks sign revitalized free agent Shawn Kemp to 5-year, $40 million deal: 7/1
Odds new Knick Shawn Kemp impregnates a Knicks City Dancer: EVEN
Odds new Knick Shawn Kemp impregnates a folding chair: EVEN
Odds new Knick Shawn Kemp impregnates himself: EVEN
Odds James Dolan steps down, sells shares to Isiah Thomas: 4/1
Odds that before All-Star break new majority owner/GM/coach Isiah Thomas un-retires, signs himself to long term contract as point guard: 6/1
Odds Isiah Thomas slapped with new sexual harassment suit: 5/1
Odds new sexual harassment suit filed by Channing Frye: 7/1
Fun With the Over Under
Knick Wins: 12
Stephon Marbury points per game avg.: 32
Stephon Marbury assists per game avg.: 1.7
Stephon Marbury Tattoos per game avg.: 13
Spike Lee exasperated head shakes per game avg: 20
MSG avg. attendance during Knicks game: 4,500
MSG avg. attendance during St. John’s Women’s Basketball game: 4,600
It is commonplace among Major League Baseball teams to send the starting pitchers for upcoming road series ahead of the team, allowing them to get on a normal travel schedule. That’s what the Philadelphia Phillies did with starter Brett Myers, who was scheduled to pitch against Boston tomorrow afternoon. Problem was, Myers brought his wife with him.
That led to Myers allegedly punching his wife outside a Boston bar last night, leading to his arrest on a domestic violence charge. Police showed up after a 911 call and saw severe swelling on the left side of her face — he used his pitching hand — and she said he had punched her. He was arrested on the spot, and he was released on $200 bail … paid by his wife.
Not much else to add, especially when Becky said it best in the comments section already.
why do I picture Dirk spending the off-season the way Christian Bale spent the beginning of Batman Begins and coming back more bad ass than ever?
Well, if you mean travelling the Earth learning about the dark arts and such, we agree.
Of course, recent evidence suggests he may go Christian Bale in American Psycho, ie get wasted and hang out with whores.
We agree wtih Mamba - that Dirk-size t-shirt is awful big to make any sort of judgement on the attractivity of this girl.
Yes, any girl throwing “west side” isn’t someone we’d necessarily go for, but at the same time, there’s something about a girl who throws “west side” that’s attractive in a “that’s kinda wrong” way. Now that we’ve used the requisite number of quotation marks, we’ll add that her face looks a little on the “hard and angular” side, but like the t-shirt, the hair is screwing up full judgement.
It was the day we’ve all been waiting for; sitting on the edge of our bed in our Cardinals pajamas (your pajamas may vary). The glorious return of Albert Pujols and Roger Clemens. And even though both got upstaged (by Anthony Reyes and Francisco Liriano, respectively) and their teams lost on Thursday, we just kind of have the feeling that everything’s going to be all right now, you know? Clemens threw 100 pitches over five innings and looked strong as the Astros took a 4-2 loss to the Twins, and Pujols was 0-for-4 as the Cards lost to the White Sox 1-0, despite a one-hitter by Reyes. But let’s see what the experts have to say:
• Revered Redbird covers Pujols’ return, but it’s really all about The Reyes.
• The Dugout isn’t as enamored of Clemens’ return as many others are. But as they point out, it’s still spring training for the Tardy Rocket.
• Red Crush muses on which is worse: the blowout loss or the heartbreaker. Somehow, John Smoltz is mentioned.
MJ is fully vested (to the tune of $10-20M) in his new role with the Bobcats, and he and new underling Bernie Bickerstaff were hard at work yesterday, working out draft people, ie those who may get drafted. Potential draftees.
Anyway, MJ gave his most full interview to the assembled media, and the details of what he wants to do and how he hopes to accomplish it are coming out.
“Mistakes have been made and some decisions should have been second-guessed,'’ Jordan said. “What’s been asked of me is my opinion about how we should attack this scenario, and I feel it has to be done on the basketball court.
He said he won’t move his family here from the Chicago area and isn’t sure yet whether he’ll buy a residence in Charlotte: “I’d like to be here for every game, but I’m not saying I’ll be here for every game. But believe me, I’m going to be in tune and going to pay attention.”
We love MJ, but it’s kinda funny how he has to reassure everyone he’ll actually be paying attention to what’s going on with the team.
His strategy sound good - get good players and have a good basketball team. Those are certainly, at least from our studies, the types of things that makes for winning basketball. No word if they’re sticking to the youth movement, or if it’s veteran free agent time, which would be a massive mistake, if you ask us.
(And what of Larry Brown in Charlotte, anyway? Probably wouldn’t be a bad move if he’ll come for something reasonable, like fourteen dollars.)
As for Michael’s decision to buy or not buy a home in Charlotte, why the hell wouldn’t he? Jesus, won’t a half mil get you a whole plantation in North Carolina? Do they still have plantations, or did those go out with slavery?
We always wanted to live at a plantation, so we could always be like, “Hey baby, you want to come back to my plantation? I got fields, and those fields got crops and a tractor. Aw, yeah.” That’s how you get chicks, people.
• 1. Where Have You Gone Kelly Leak, A Nation Turns It’s Lonely Eyes To You. Well, it’s Friday, the day we ask the musical question: Can’t the Orioles do anything right? For the record, we know that they can; it just wasn’t evident against the Marlins. We take you now to the 10th inning, as Baltimore’s Todd Williams tries to issue an intentional walk to Miguel Cabrera. Nothing unusual about that; Cabrera had been put on intentionally 14 times this season, second only to Barry Bonds. But in a scene we haven’t witnessed since Little League (specific team: Chico’s Bail Bonds), Cabrera reached out on one of the looping softball offerings and slapped it up the middle for a single, breaking a 5-5 tie, as Florida ended up winning 8-5. (Video via SportTech)
• 2. Make Way For Dr. K. We knew that Scott Kazmir rookie card was a wise investment. The Devils Rays’ rookie, 22, became the youngst June nine-game winner since 1989 (Tom Gordon and John Smoltz), taking a two-hitter into the eighth in Tampa Bay’s 4-1 win over the Diamondbacks.
• 3. We Hear He Also Wears The Mr. Met Costume Between Innings. If you are not year ready for “National League champion New York Mets,” then how about “NL MVP David Wright.”? Pedro Martinez won for the second time since April 28, and Wright (.338) had two homers and four RBI to lead New York past Cincinnati 6-2.
• 4. Somewhere, Bobby Knight Just Threw Up A Little. To illustrate the contrasting managerial styles of Ozzie Guillen and Grady Little, we give you this: Derek Lowe had just finished pitching the eighth inning for the Dodgers, and Little told him he was coming out. Lowe didn’t want to. So Little shrugged and left him in, and Lowe completed a 4-2 win over the Mariners, his fifth straight winning decision.
• 5. This Is Baseball On A Whole Different Level. Some day they’ll write poems about the ‘06 Royals and Pirates. Kansas City’s 15-7 win over Pittsburgh on Friday featured 13 walks, two wild pitches, four errors, three hit batsmen and an 8-4-5 double play (don’t ask).
A.J. Daulerio’s Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. 
Odds Knicks sign revitalized free agent Shawn Kemp to 5-year, $40 million deal: 7/1
Stephon Marbury points per game avg.: 32
It is commonplace among Major League Baseball teams to send the starting pitchers for upcoming road series ahead of the team, allowing them to get on a normal travel schedule. That’s what the Philadelphia Phillies did with starter Brett Myers, who was scheduled to pitch against Boston tomorrow afternoon. Problem was, Myers brought his wife with him. 
Dirk Nowitzki got a haircut. 
It was the day we’ve all been waiting for; sitting on the edge of our bed in our Cardinals pajamas (your pajamas may vary). The glorious return of Albert Pujols and Roger Clemens. And even though both got upstaged (by Anthony Reyes and Francisco Liriano, respectively) and their teams lost on Thursday, we just kind of have the feeling that everything’s going to be all right now, you know? Clemens threw 100 pitches over five innings and looked strong as the Astros took a 4-2 loss to the Twins, and Pujols was 0-for-4 as the Cards lost to the White Sox 1-0, despite a one-hitter by Reyes. But let’s see what the experts have to say:
