Archive for June, 2006
Continue Reading June 30th, 2006
New Cavaliers Shannon Brown and Daniel Gibson were introduced to Cleveland today (watch the press conference here), and that’s all fine and good and whatever blah blah blah…
We’re eight hours away from the first moment LeBron James can agree to his extension. Eight hours until everyone can start making up rumors that he’s demanding a trade right after he signs it, which can’t technically happen until July 12th.
Will Lebron make us wait? Will the Cavaliers send out a mass email letting everyone know it’s okay? Hopefully at like 12:02 am Eastern? ESPN’s Mark Stein looks at those and other free agency issues, none of which matter if we don’t get an email or press release by like 12:06 am Eastern.
We’ll give it ’til like 12:12 am Eastern before we set up the suicide watch. We can make it until 12:18 am Eastern. After that, though - okay, we’ll go until 12:23 am Eastern before we panic.
We weren’t going to mention this at all, because we know if word isn’t out by morning on an extension, you’re all going to brutally tease us, even though it’s a holiday weekend, and there’s no need to commit until like 12:40 am Eastern.
Continue Reading June 30th, 2006
We’ve already mentioned the peculiarity of Bob Uecker having an obsessed stalker, and yesterday the woman, Ann Ladd, was ordered to stay 1,000 feet away from the Brewers broadcaster at all times. (Which means she can actually sit in the front row. Ahem.) Ladd will also not be allowed to attend any Brewers games, another attempt to ease the suffering of an obviously disturbed individual.
But we’d like to focus on Ladd’s mug shot for a moment. First off, we’re kind of amazed by the lighting they’re using over at the Cook County Jail; this almost has a kind of Herb Ritts feel. Second: Shiver. We can’t possibly imagine why Uecker would this woman to keep her distance from him. You what, everyone? Tell ‘em Large Marge sent ya.
And, lastly: It’s absolutely certain we will not sleep well tonight.
Uecker’s Stalker Ordered To Have No Contact [SI.com]
Continue Reading June 30th, 2006
A bunch of avid Deadspin commenters have decided to start a site of their own, a site that’s dedicated to laughing at the NFL. It’s called Kissing Suzy Kolber and on just its second day of existence brought to light a fantastic Facebook find: more drunken Kyle Orton photos!
There’s sweaty Kyle dancing with a buxom blonde! There’s Kyle wearing sunglasses at night! There’s Kyle going down on a buddy in the back of a limo! Yeah, all of that. Just follow the link, but here’s my favorite of the pics…
And it should be mentioned that one of the fine fellows behind this site, Unsilent Majority, comments here quite a bit as well under the handle rebelk9. Good guy, good taste, good insights. Him, in concert with the rest of ‘em and NFL players’ propensity to do funny things, makes Kissing Suzy Kolber’s upside potential pretty much limitless.
Continue Reading June 30th, 2006
We’ll admit it; we love Bat-girl. She would be our one and only Internet squeeze, if it wasn’t for our desperate, wholly inappropriate cyber crush on Ashley Harkleroad. One reason that Bat-girl is the best: She recently gave us this, the Joe Mauer Fashion Spread from Travel and Leisure Magazine. Yesterday we told you how the Twins’ catcher went 2-for-3 against the Dodgers to up his major league-leading average to .392. That prompted the Twins’ Torii Hunter to say:
What Joe Mauer’s doing is sick. He’s 23 years old. What’s he going to do when he gets man muscles?
Well, until that day, Mauer “can look stylish in a black long-sleeve horizontal stripe sweater and black high twist mini herringbone flat front trouser in the spectacular El Yunque Rainforest, home to cascading waterfalls and lush foliage.” Or, he can “stop for a refreshing fresh fruit drink at one of the many roadside stands in a pool long sleeve crinkled white shirt.”
One can almost hear Mauer say, as Bat-girl surmised in one of the captions: “Hello, ladies. I am Johan Santana’s battery mate.”
America’s Next Top Model [Bat-girl]
The Closer: Things Change [Deadspin]
We found the Batgirl post via commenter Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, it should be noted, which is still one of our favorite commenter names.
Continue Reading June 30th, 2006
It’s a story that San Diego anchorman Ron Burgundy would have been all over like a polyester suit: We were surprised to learn this morning that Jose Canseco has agreed to play minor league baseball with the San Diego Surf Dawgs. Surprised, only because, naturally, we assumed his next move would be professional wrestling. But Gas Lamp Ball was the first to inform us that Canseco will suit up on Monday in an away game against the Chico Outlaws, having signed on to play the rest of the season for the Independent Golden League team. Cheap publicity stunt on the part of the Golden League? Sure. Desperate plea for attention by Canseco? Yeah. But on the other hand, how can this not be fun? Consider these details:
• Canseco will not only DH for the Surf Dawgs, he will also be a relief pitcher. And feature a knuckleball.
• His agreement with the league includes plans for a Jose Canseco line of apparel.
• Canseco will play for the league maximum of $2,500 per month, and will “participate in interactive events with fans and kids at all of the League’s ballparks,” according to the Surf Dawgs’ Web site.
• Steroid List.com tells us that the Golden League has a strict drug testing policy. Perhaps that will be one of the interactive kids’ activities?
• Jose is still Jose. When AP called him for a comment on Thursday, they got this message: “Hello, Jose Canseco. I have lost my cell phone. If you can, please leave a number when you call. Thank you.”
So anyway, Canseco with the Surf Dawgs. You stay classy, San Diego!
Jose Canseco Is Playing Baseball Again … In San Diego! WTF? [Gaslamp Ball]
Canseco Signs With Indy League Surf Dawgs [SteroidList.com]
Canseco To Hit — And Pitch — In Minors [MSNBC]
Don’t Count Rickey Out Yet [Deadspin]
Chico Outlaws [Official Site]
San Diego Surf Dawgs [Official Site]
Oh, and you can listen to Monday’s game right here.
Continue Reading June 30th, 2006
Notes from a day in baseball:
• 1. We’re Koo-Koo For Coco Crisp. It just may be remembered as one of the great all-time major league catches. David Wright’s potential double to the gap was snagged by a leaping Coco Crisp in the eighth, saving a run in Boston’s eventual 4-2 win over the Mets; the Red Stockings’ 12th straight win and New York’s third consecutive loss. Crisp also had a bunt single, Curt Schilling got his 10th win, David Ortiz homered and Jonathan Papelbon got his 24th save in 26 chances. But Mets fans shouldn’t fret; your team is still 11 games up in the NL East.
• 2. Junior Achievement. Ken Griffey Jr. has worked out his schedule for the rest of the summer. Just so you know, he plans to hit one home run each weekday, and take very other weekend off. Also on Mondays he will provide snacks. Junior hit career homer No. 552 — his fourth in four days — as the Reds beat the Royals 6-5.
• 3. We’re Not the Worst! We’re Not The Worst! The Pirates had already set the club record for consecutive losses, so the pressure was off. Freddy Sanchez’s walkoff homer in the ninth provided a 7-6 win over the White Sox, as Pittsburgh avoided its 14th straight loss and moved a game ahead of (behind?) the Royals in the race for the worst record in baseball.
• 4. Cubs’ Dry Spell Continues. Milwaukee’s Geremi Gonzalez returned to face his former team — when, we swear, we remember his name as then being Jeremy Gonzalez — and pitched well as the Brewers downed the hapless Cubs 5-4. Meanwhile, a woman charged with stalking Brewers’ announcer Bob Uecker was ordered by a judge to have no contact with Uecker and to avoid any ballpark where the Milwaukee Brewers play. Of which we say about the latter, you consider that a punishment? (Sorry. We know they’re playing well.)
• 5. G’Night, Folks! You can tell a team is in trouble when its manager spends more time in the clubhouse whirlpool than in the dugout. Diamondbacks manager Bob Melvin was ejected for arguing a home run call in the ninth; his third ejection in the past eight games. Arizona has lost 20 of its past 23 games
Continue Reading June 30th, 2006
I wasn’t ready to move on past the NBA Draft quite yet, but our studio manager Brian just sent me this story and it needs illumination: Eddie Griffin has been charged with drinking and masturbating while driving, a combination of acts which caused him to crash his Escalade into a parked Suburban. Follow the link for all the sensational details and video, but here are some quick highlights…
– Griffin was watching porn on his dash-mounted DVD player.
– An eyewitness says Griffin “was masturbating himself.”
– Griffin tells the owner of the wrecked Suburban that he’ll buy him a new car, any car if the guy doesn’t call the police. Well, any car but a Bentley. Seriously, he said that.
– When police did arrive on the scene, they drove Griffin to his home rather than to jail.
– This all happened three months ago.
Unbelievable.
Continue Reading June 30th, 2006
Well, Renaldo and the other botched draft pick were introduced to the NY media yesterday, and in typical Renaldo fashion, nobody knew who he was.
Isiah Thomas, on the other hand, is the man everyone knows, and swears that if you ask the coach of Florida, Renaldo was a great pick. (We know what he meant, but we like to take that as he thinks the state of Florida has a coach.)
Zeke also made it clear that there are actually a few things he’s rock solid sure on.
“I’m not here waiting for Santa Claus to come save us,” Thomas said Thursday. “I was told early on we didn’t have any money and there was no Santa Claus. And I’m not looking for this great player to come save the day for us.
“The guys that we have, we’ll make them better and we have a job to do. Nobody’s coming to save us.”
Again Mr. Thomas, you’ve been rich for far too long to keep falling back on that “I grew up poor” thing. We grew up upper middle class - you don’t see us using it as an excuse for everything we do wrong.
Zeke aside for a moment. Know this - whether he averages 1.2 or 2.7 points in the course of his 1.5 year pro career, Renaldo will go down in the annals of NBA history.
This whole thing wouldn’t have worked if Zeke’d picked “Jim Smith”, y’know. The name “Renaldo” will forever be linked to the “inexplicably awful draft pick”, and somehow, somewhere deep inside, Isiah Thomas knew it.
Renaldo’s place in the books is secure - in 2076, when some futuristic GM picks some horrible guard from the University of Mars at Sarasota, the announcers will surely say, “Zarkblat! That’s a “Renaldo” if I’ve ever seen one! Somebody better turn the gravity back on, cause it’s getting crazy in this domed city that protects us from the laser ships of the Southern Moon People!”
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