Archive for May, 2006
Continue Reading May 31st, 2006
The further Stephon Marbury and Larry Brown get from each other, the more obvious it is they’re destined to be together.
Yesterday both men made statements regarding their respective futures in NYC, with Steph saying he wants to die a Knick, and Larry stating he feels like a dead man walking.
“If I ever was to be cremated, I’d want my ashes sprinkled on top of the Garden,” Marbury also told the newspaper. “Playing here has always been my dream. I want to be in New York more than any place.”
“I feel like a dead man walking,” Brown said yesterday. “As many questions as you have, I have. And I have no answers.”
This isn’t the first time things like this have come out of the New York basketball playing organization - remember when Franchise said the only thing worse than playing for the Knicks was when his mom died?
As much fun as this whole thing with Isiah taking over could be, we’d actually like it more now if ownership kept Larry on, when he clearly wants to go. This is a huge game of chicken, is what it is - let it play itself out.
Of course, as far as the Knicks are concerned, none of this is going on at all, so screw them.
btw we’re currently on five instant messages talking about Mike D’Antoni - the longest anyone has lasted keeping on topic is two sentences. Sign on to AOL and see if you can break the record!
Continue Reading May 31st, 2006
Zack Hample has insulted us once too often. You remember Hample, the Dead End Kid who claims to have collected more than 2,000 baseballs at major league parks. In a recent post over at his blog, The Baseball Collector, Hample mocks Deadspin in a most egregious and insulting manner concerning Barry Bonds’ 715th home run. In a post we did a while back, we laid odds on who would catch the ball, not imagining that it would end up being a guy waiting in line for beer. Hample’s recent response: “So much for Deadspin’s prediction.” Grrr.
But karma, they say, is a bitch. As proof, we present Major League Ballhawk; a new blog on MLB Blogs.com, whose owner claims to have collected more than 4,000 baseballs at parks all over the nation. All hail the new baseball collecting king at MLB Blogs! Zack Hample, your time is so over!
By the way, all we know of the photo above is that a Rangers fan trampled a kid to get a foul ball. Sad, really.
Major League Ballhawk [MLB Blogs]
The Baseball Collector [MLB Blogs]
Home Run No. 715 — Welcome To Thunderdome [Deadspin]
Continue Reading May 31st, 2006
It is good to see that the Phoenix Suns, in a moment of success and elation, are able to wordless express their emotion through its physical manifestation without fear of potential retribution or societal shame. It’s a good thing.
The Suns evened their series with the Mavericks last night, and we, for one, are relieved, because we were starting to worry that we might not have any seven-game squeakers, whatever a “squeaker” is. This seems to be the series we were all actually wanting; it’s enough to make us even stay up late.
It was pointed out to us the other day, however, that we tend to bring up Mark Cuban too often when discussing the Mavericks; he is merely an owner, after all, and treating him as if he is an active participant in matters gives him and his billion-dollar penis more credit than he might deserve. We are sensitive to this criticism, but, respectfullly, disagree. This is the 428th richest person in the world who still screams like a fan and bitches about bad officiating on his blog. We cannot ignore such activity.
Phoenix Rings Dallas’ Bell [20 Second Timeout]
Continue Reading May 31st, 2006
We thought the whole funeral for the Suns was a little premature yesterday, and after their blowout win over the Mavs last night, it turns out we were right.
Some people are attributing the PHX win to Raja Bell’s surprise start, and those people are referring to Raja as “hardcore”, a “truck stop t-bone”, and a “warrior”, so don’t click that link.
Others are saying the Mavs came out a little flat, including Dirk Nowitzki, who managed only 11 points.
“I took some tough shots,” Nowitzki said. “I had some turnarounds that I usually make, one or two bouncers and up, which is my game, that I usually make. I just have to bounce back in Game 5.”
“I’m not going on that. I’m not crazy,” Suns coach Mike D’Antoni said of Nowitzki’s performance. “Dirk’s really good so he might have had an off night. Just like the other night, we didn’t have a crisis identity, we just played bad.”
We know he’s a math teacher and all, but isn’t the term “identity crisis”, and not the other way around? Wonder if that was a typo or…something else altogether? We’ll be thinking about it all day, and we recommend you do the exact same thing.
In fact, if you’d like to hop in IM with us, we can discuss it together. Bet you don’t think we’d literally sit on IM with you all day and talk soley about Mike D’Antoni and the term “identity crisis”, do you? You’re probably sitting there like, “oh c’mon…there’s only so much you can say about that.”
You’ll never know until you try, will you? Who’s game? Who? C’mon, who??? We’re “yaysports” on AOL-IM. We’ll post the transcript of anyone willing to try.
(Mavs in 6 still btw.)
Continue Reading May 31st, 2006
Notes from a day in baseball:
• 1. No No-No At Petco. It’s a streak of Cubsian proportions. And the amazing thing is that Steve Bartman isn’t involved; nor even a goat. The San Diego Padres have gone 5,919 games — their entire history — without a no-hitter. That’s 38-plus seasons, folks. (The Mets also haven’t thrown one, even more amusingly.) Amazing, since such NL stalwart hurlers as Don Nottebart (Astros), Ed Halicki (Giants) and Tommy Greene (Phillies) have managed to throw one over the years. On Tuesday, the Padres’ Chris Young flirted with history, but his no-hit bid was broken up in the eighth inning when the Rockies’ Brad Hawpe (who played against Young in high school, by the way) led off with a double. The Padres won 2-0. And the streak continues.
• 2. Attention: We Will Now Discuss The Florida Marlins. Has anyone noticed that Miguel Cabrera is a baaad motha (shut yo mouth!). Or as Marlins manager Joe Girardi puts it: “A hitting machine.” Hard to argue, after Cabrera had a three-run home run and a run-scoring double to lead the Game Fish to a 5-3 victory over the Giants. Cabrera leads the NL in hitting at .346.
Rest of The Closer after the jump.
• 3. A Hunk-a Hunk-a Vernon Wells. Used to be that we couldn’t hear the name Vernon Wells without thinking of 19th century science fiction. Now it’s synonymous with home runs; Wells leading a dinger-fest on Tuesday with three homers — and teammate Troy Glaus had two — to lead the Blue Jays over the Red Sox 8-5. Josh Beckett (7-2) gave up four of them; two to each. If you want to learn more about Vernon Wells — and of what disturbing obsession the mind is capable of — check out this blog.
• 4. Philadelphia Story. Always nice to see a pitcher who came up through your own organization thrive and become your ace, as apparently is the case with Brett Myers of the Phillies. Myers went eight strong innings and Bobby Abreu had a three-run home run to lead Philadelphia over the Nationals 4-2.
• 5. Back, Back, Back, Back, Back. It may have been a wind-blown grand slam, but Brad Wilkerson isn’t going to question it. Wilkerson’s fourth career grand salami helped the Rangers hand the Mariners their sixth straight loss, 6-4.
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
Just like with that one guy who played for that one team in the 70s, just showing his face may turn things in the Suns’ favor.
Craig Sager just now reported in the pregame that Raja Bell was in the trainer’s room getting a facial having his calf worked on.
Now the rest of the TNT guys are talking about the game. We don’t know what they’re saying, though. If we listened, we could probably figure it out.
The truth of the matter is that last night after DET-MIA, we were clicking around and came upon something called Karate Dog on ABC Family. Get this:
When LAPD computer expert Peter Fowler (Simon Rex) investigates the killing of an old man (Pat Morita) in Chinatown, he finds the only witness is his dog, Cho Cho (voice of Chevy Chase). But Fowler soon discovers Cho Cho is the only dog in the world who can speak to humans… not only that, Cho Cho is an expert in martial arts. When they join forces to track down the mastermind behind the death of Cho Cho’s master, it leads these unusual partners into uncovering a dangerous conspiracy which puts both of their lives in danger.
A quick once-over of that will surely inspire an “Awww that’s cute for the kids,” right?
You know who plays the mastermind? Academy Award Winner Jon Voight. The climax is Voight kung-fu fighting a talking dog, while Simon Rex is like “C’mon Cho Cho! You can do it! You’re my best friend!”
That’s really all there was to say. Don’t forget to go donate to Who Shot Mamba? - after last night we’re pretty sure we can get Jon Voight involved somehow. It’s almost June, people - time be short.
By the way, we missed this part of the film pictured above, but apparently part of Karate Dog’s repertoire involves kicking people in the junk and setting people’s asses on fire.
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
Credit Newsday’s Ken Davidoff with the big scoop: Roger Clemens is signing with the Houston Astros.
Clemens, 43, has signed a one-year deal that is believed to be worth about $3.5 million per month, which will probably equate to about $10.5 million for the season, depending on when exactly he returns to action. … An announcement is expected as soon as today.
Some had suspected Clemens might spurn the Astros’ advances since they’re already 7 1/2 games out of first place. If true, it’s worth noting — hypothetically speaking, of course — that Clemens’ return date would allow Michael Jordan-like steroid suspension theorists to continue their froth. No matter, what, though, the real question is: Is he going to keep doing that Icy Hot thing? Oh, and who’s gonna do his laundry?
Clemens To Sign With Astros [Newsday]
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
Inspired by this well-done ranking of the best five baseball fights — we agree that Nolan Ryan pounding Robin Ventura is No. 1, but Izzy Alcantara catcher-face-kick/take-on-all-comers minor league battle is one of the more underrated sports events of our lifetime — we are proud to showcase The Batgirl reenactment of the AJ Pierzynski-Michael Barrett fight from last week. As is her wont, the reenactment is staged using only Legos.
For those who aren’t familiar with the greatness that is the Batgirl Lego reenactments, here are a few of our favorites:
• The Congressional steroid hearings.
• Frank Thomas returns from the DL.
• A grand Twins-White Sox brawl.
• The great Lego Twins revolt.
For all people talk about this whole Web business, Batgirl has been out there ripping this stuff up for longer than just about any of us. Our claw-like hands, able to hold slender blunt objects exclusively, salute you.
Chicago Brawl [Batgirl]
Great Baseball Fights [Zubaz Pants]
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