You know if Ben Wallace is happy, everybody’s happy.
As anyone probably should have been able to guess, the Pistons reminded everyone why we’ve considered them the best team all season by streaking past the Heat 91-78 tonight. Detroit scored the last nine points of the game, denying us what we were all kind of thinking would be a pretty fantastic finish. Ah, well.
This sets up, of course, a brutally important Game 6 this Friday in Miami, with the Heat needing to win to finish all kinds of “Lakers-Like Collapse?” type stories that you just know everyone’s dying to write.
We appreciate the loyalty and hope displayed by the Detroit Bad Boys folks, who, despite fearing they had “a team of Benoit Benjamins” out there — oh, so THAT’S what everyone’s always talking about, with that whole “All About The Benjamins” business; good to have that cleared up — stuck it out. Game 6 could be an epic we wanted. Man, these NBA playoffs have ruled this year. We smile big, pleased.
As we bring you our favorite moment from Game 4 the other night, we eagerly look forward to Game 5 of the Heat-Pistons series tonight. Part of us understands this notion that the Pistons, considered dead by most everybody now, could have one last run in them. The other part wonders if Dwyane Wade’s going to score 40 points on 12 shots or something.
We kind of have a feeling that this will be one of those patented Heat “hey, we’re already up 3-1 … let’s relax on this one!” games. (We imagine Shaq actually giving this speech in the locker room beforehand.) So if they win this one tonight, we’ll officially know that the Pistons as we know them are all gone, bye bye.
By the way, we think Antoine Walker gets stranger looking every time we see him. We expect him to look like one of those Oddcast interfaces by the end of the series.
We had somewhat of a revelation the yesterday as we looked at the donation total so far. Nice as it would be, we don’t really need the whole thing to get started.
In fact, an episode or two in the can will even convince sour ol’ MattB that we’re not using this money to buy a dune-buggy or some other luxury item. There’s nothing to stop the fundraising from continuing while we’re in the midst of making it, so…we were going to make some awesome statement there, but nothing came to us.
What really hit this home is that we now have someone who’s agreed to kick in a rather large percentage once we reach $5K. In exchange, we’re shaking their hand and saying thanks really really really nicely. If all we had was $5K, there’s no way, but $5K plus the other K makes us feel secure enough we’ll have everything we need by the time all’s said and done. That was the big revelation.
The short version of all that is, we are getting very close, but we’re still not that close. Closer than we were, but not as close as we need to be. If you haven’t kicked in your $2, your $5, your $12.34 (we don’t ask questions, we just put it in with the rest), please, please, please do it now. We’re getting excited - you should be, too.
We have no idea what, but the person who puts us over the top gets something. We’ll be back on AOL IM if you have any questions, including personal questions. We’re feeling pretty friendly today.
One of our favorite aspects of this here Internets is something that should be self-evident: Its inherent appeal to obsessives. No matter what you care about, there’s someone out there who cares just as much, probably more. Get it out there, someone will find you. We wonder, sometimes, if the Web had existed, say, 40 years ago, if there’d be an angry Cubs fan still ranting away about trading Lou Brock for Ernie Broglio.
So, here’s your modern-day equivalent: Why, Duquette, Why?, a new blog devoted to loud laments about the legendary trade of Scott Kazmir by the Mets for the self-destructed Victor Zambrano. Here’s what you can find there.
What does Scotty KKKKKKKKKKK (yeah, that’s right 11!) do to help us with our pain? I’m beginning to think he not only hates the Mets organization for trading, but that he hates all Met fans too. As if he needs to torture us with his greatness to prove a point.
If you love pain — unending, stretching throughout the next decade pain — this is the blog for you.
(By the way, the first fantasy baseball league we ever played in was called “The Ernie Broglio Memorial League.” Two-thirds Cardinals fans, one-third Cubs fan. A happy time, that was.)
Click to engorge to biggerishMaybe we’re more ADD than we thought, because we watched the whole Suns-Mavs game last night, and completely missed this incident where Mark Cuban went into the stands after some fans.
Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and reserve center DJ Mbenga, who was inactive and in street clothes for Game 4, entered the stands late in the first quarter after Cassandra Johnson, wife of Mavs coach Avery Johnson, got into a dispute with two Suns fans.
A misdemeanor assault complaint was reportedly later filed by the fans against Johnson for allegedly shoving and swearing at them.
The only thing we know about DJ Mbenga is he’s the guy who cracked LeBron during the regular season and he also has a hit mix album that’s running through the underground club scene right now.
Nobody knows if Cuban is gonna get fined or what, but our best guess would be “fuck yes he will be”.
Thank god the PHXers won last night - can you imagine if the Mavs were facing an opportunity to advance to the Finals in Game 5 and Cuban wasn’t allowed in the arena? That event may have seen the honest formation of the real Ranger Corps, cause there’s no way Mark and his new belly are missing that celebration.
We love the dude, but just what has he been eating lately? He’s gotten bigger lately, yes? True or false - it’s an easy question - we’re now opening that for discussion on AOL IM. Join the other 11 people we’re now chatting with!
A site we’d never heard of — but was probably inevitable — called Drunk Athletes has typically just posted the warmed-over Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Leinart, Dirk Nowitzki drunk pictures we’ve all seen countless times. Must give them credit today, though, because they dredged one up that was new to us: It’s two-time MVP Steve Nash flashing his Robin Williams like there’s no tomorrow.
Somehow, we can’t imagine Jordan trying this move. Magic, maybe.
So, for those who might have missed it yesterday, Cleveland Indians relief pitcher Scott Sauerbeck was arrested with a female companion after weaving drunkenly through traffic and then hiding in some bushes behind a house. (That’s his mugshot, there.) No explanation had been given for the sudden dive-in-the-brush, but today, Sauerbeck attempted to shed some light on the situation, apologizing to his family and “fans” and giving a vague explanation for his behavior.
“In trying to do the right thing; I made a terrible error in judgment,” Sauerbeck said. “It’s something I’m going to have to life with the rest of my life. I’m a big boy, and I’m going to have to deal with it.”
He said he couldn’t “legally” get into the “do the right thing” statement, but we have a few guesses.
• The woman was suffering the side effects of blood pressure medication, and he was dragging her into the bushes to stealthily plunge an adreneline syringe into her heart.
• The people whose home he hid behind had a broken water pipe, and he thought he’d do some 3 a.m. fixing.
• He thought he saw Osama.
• Somebody yelled, “Hey, Carl Monday!”
Any guesses? We just want Sauerbeck’s good deed to be properly rewarded.
Remember that story from the other day, when Cubs outfielder Jacque Jones was heckled by some Wrigley Field fans and were promptly berated by Jones’ mother?
So she decided to stand up and come back to our row. And again I’m thinking ‘O shit, Antonio Davis’ wife.’ I’m sitting one seat in from the aisle and she starts saying to me ‘How dare you disrespect my baby in front of me, I don’t disrespect you in front of you at your job. He’ll make more money than you’ll ever make in your lifetime.’
For the record, we do not advise loudly mocking players whose direct relatives are in the general vicinity. That said, if you have to do it, Jacque Jones would seem the right type of guy. We mean, she has to know he stinks too, right? Deep down?
You know if Ben Wallace is happy, everybody’s happy.
One of our favorite aspects of this here Internets is something that should be self-evident: Its inherent appeal to obsessives. No matter what you care about, there’s someone out there who cares just as much, probably more. Get it out there, someone will find you. We wonder, sometimes, if the Web had existed, say, 40 years ago, if there’d be an angry Cubs fan still ranting away about trading 
So, for those who might have missed it yesterday, Cleveland Indians relief pitcher Scott Sauerbeck was arrested with a female companion after weaving drunkenly through traffic and then 
Remember that story from the other day, when Cubs outfielder Jacque Jones was heckled by some Wrigley Field fans and 