Archive for May 30th, 2006
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
Just like with that one guy who played for that one team in the 70s, just showing his face may turn things in the Suns’ favor.
Craig Sager just now reported in the pregame that Raja Bell was in the trainer’s room getting a facial having his calf worked on.
Now the rest of the TNT guys are talking about the game. We don’t know what they’re saying, though. If we listened, we could probably figure it out.
The truth of the matter is that last night after DET-MIA, we were clicking around and came upon something called Karate Dog on ABC Family. Get this:
When LAPD computer expert Peter Fowler (Simon Rex) investigates the killing of an old man (Pat Morita) in Chinatown, he finds the only witness is his dog, Cho Cho (voice of Chevy Chase). But Fowler soon discovers Cho Cho is the only dog in the world who can speak to humans… not only that, Cho Cho is an expert in martial arts. When they join forces to track down the mastermind behind the death of Cho Cho’s master, it leads these unusual partners into uncovering a dangerous conspiracy which puts both of their lives in danger.
A quick once-over of that will surely inspire an “Awww that’s cute for the kids,” right?
You know who plays the mastermind? Academy Award Winner Jon Voight. The climax is Voight kung-fu fighting a talking dog, while Simon Rex is like “C’mon Cho Cho! You can do it! You’re my best friend!”
That’s really all there was to say. Don’t forget to go donate to Who Shot Mamba? - after last night we’re pretty sure we can get Jon Voight involved somehow. It’s almost June, people - time be short.
By the way, we missed this part of the film pictured above, but apparently part of Karate Dog’s repertoire involves kicking people in the junk and setting people’s asses on fire.
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
Credit Newsday’s Ken Davidoff with the big scoop: Roger Clemens is signing with the Houston Astros.
Clemens, 43, has signed a one-year deal that is believed to be worth about $3.5 million per month, which will probably equate to about $10.5 million for the season, depending on when exactly he returns to action. … An announcement is expected as soon as today.
Some had suspected Clemens might spurn the Astros’ advances since they’re already 7 1/2 games out of first place. If true, it’s worth noting — hypothetically speaking, of course — that Clemens’ return date would allow Michael Jordan-like steroid suspension theorists to continue their froth. No matter, what, though, the real question is: Is he going to keep doing that Icy Hot thing? Oh, and who’s gonna do his laundry?
Clemens To Sign With Astros [Newsday]
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
Inspired by this well-done ranking of the best five baseball fights — we agree that Nolan Ryan pounding Robin Ventura is No. 1, but Izzy Alcantara catcher-face-kick/take-on-all-comers minor league battle is one of the more underrated sports events of our lifetime — we are proud to showcase The Batgirl reenactment of the AJ Pierzynski-Michael Barrett fight from last week. As is her wont, the reenactment is staged using only Legos.
For those who aren’t familiar with the greatness that is the Batgirl Lego reenactments, here are a few of our favorites:
• The Congressional steroid hearings.
• Frank Thomas returns from the DL.
• A grand Twins-White Sox brawl.
• The great Lego Twins revolt.
For all people talk about this whole Web business, Batgirl has been out there ripping this stuff up for longer than just about any of us. Our claw-like hands, able to hold slender blunt objects exclusively, salute you.
Chicago Brawl [Batgirl]
Great Baseball Fights [Zubaz Pants]
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
SportsCenter was running a graphic this morning illustrating Dwyane Wade’s dominance of the Detroit Pistons. It stated that he has the highest shooting percentage of anyone ever in a playoff series in which they averaged 30 points or more per game. Pretty amazing considering the guys coming in second and third on that list were Shaq and Kareem, fellows who by their nature only take high-percentage shots.
But just as impressive as that absurd stat is the way Wade is doing it. Not only does he have Detroit on the ropes but he’s providing iconic moments along the way. Check out this description by Dime Mag via The Basketball Jones of his game changing and insane three-point play from last night…
“Basically, try to imagine Reggie Bush doing his patented dive across the goal line, but making a reverse layup while doing it. We can’t even say the shot was Jordan-esque, because we’ve never seen anyone do anything like that.”
Which Sheed Face is that?
That’s pretty hot right there. If it were in a championship series, that shot would probably be the equivalent of Jordan’s righthand-no-lefthand layup or Magic’s baby skyhook. As it stands though, that defining moment may not be long for young Wade. Miami has three shots to clinch their first trip to the finals, and whoever they face will have no matchup for Dwyane, nevermind Shaq.
Related: Wade is Michael Corleone. At least according to Shaq. Here’s an explanation via Bill Simmons…
“Reason No. 878 [Why I Like Sports]: Shaq’s Godfather analogy… The one where he describes his career by comparing his three most famous teammates to Corleone brothers, with Dwyane Wade as Michael (the wisest one); Kobe as Sonny (power-hungry and impetuous), and Penny Hardaway as Fredo (dumb and weak). Just brilliant. Shaq needs his own talk show. It’s becoming more and more clear.”
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
Takahito Iida has pulled out of the Demolition of Octagon Gear 6 card due to injury.
Takahito Iida, who was scheduled to face Paraestra Hachioji’s Tomonori Kanomata, has suffered a nasal fracture while sparring that has forced him to withdraw from the Demolition of Octagon Gear 6 card on June 11th. Iida will be replaced by 2003 Shooto Middleweight Rookie Champion Yoichi Fukomoto. Fukomoto scored a submission win over ADCC veteran Melchor Manibusan of Guam at Demolition of Octagon Gear 5, and will hope to continue his success against a fellow Shooto vet in Kanomata.
Greatest Common Multiple Presents Demolition of Octagon Gear 6
June 11th, 2006
Differ Ariake
Tokyo, Japan
Doors Open: 16:00
Fights Start: 17:00
Tentative Fight Card (Card Subject To Change):
Weight Not Yet Contracted, 2R 5M
Yukiya Naito (Wajyutsu Keisyukai A3) vs. Mike Molina (P’s LAB Yokohama)
Weight Not Yet Contracted, 2R 5M
Yasuyoshi Kanehara (Team Cloud) vs. Wataru Miki (Wajyutsu Keisyukai RJW)
Weight Not Yet Contracted, 2R 5M
Akihiro Murayama (GUTSMAN Shooto Dojo) vs. Osami Shibuya (INGRAM)
Weight Not Yet Contracted, 2R 5M
Michihisa Asano (Killer Bee) vs. Jean Robert Monier (French Top Team)
70 KG, 2R 5M
Yoihci Fukumoto (Wajyutsu Keisyukai RJW) vs. Tomonori Kanomata (Paraestra Hachioji)
70 KG, 3R 5M
Ganjo Tentsuku (PUREBRED Omiya) vs. Emmanuel Fernandez (French Top Team)
83 KG, 3R 5M
Yushin Okami (Wajyutsu Keisyukai Tokyo Headquarters) vs. Izuru Takeuchi (SK Absolute)
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
One of those headlines we wrote - the other was actually up on ESPN.com this weekend. We take equal amounts of joy from each.
Not taking joy from anything are the PHX Suns, who find themselves down 2-1 to the Mavericks, with Game 4 tonight in Phoenix.
“We’re kind of in the doldrums, which is impossible to be that way in the Western Conference finals,” Suns co-captain Steve Nash said. “We’ve got to get our spirit picked up. We’ve got to be a lot more enthusiastic and have a lot more belief in ourselves.”
We’re not sure what the doom-and-gloom is all about - someone is gonna be down 2-1 after three games. Dallas papers are writing columns like the Suns are already dead.
Sure, Nash’s peoples have been taken out of their running game a little, but that’s kinda what the playoffs can be about - one team asserts themselves and gets a win, then you adjust and see if you can do it the next game. It’s not like they’re down 2-1 or 3-0 and going to play on the road.
Tell you what, PHX fans - we wrote a little pick-me-up poem for back when the Cavs were down 2-0 to Detroit and we were a little down. You’re welcome to use it - just print out a screenshot of this post, cut out what’s below, and keep reciting it all day until you feel better:
THE HAPPY POEM
Go LeBron go,
I know that you know,
That the Cavs are the best,
And that is the best.
The Cavs are the best.
Oh, yeah.
Oh gheah.
Oh, they’re the best.
And I know that you know they’re the best.
Go LeBron!
Go LeBron!
Drink Power Aid!
Now, if that doesn’t work, maybe you should start taking some pills that make you feel less depressed.
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
We can’t possibly thank Mr. Irrelevant and Young, Black And Fabulous enough for pointing us in the direction of this outstanding photo of Cavaliers guard Larry Hughes, in Miami for Urban Beach Week this past weekend.
We are pleased to see that Hughes is recovering from the tragic loss of his brother in the most logical way possible: By asserting his God-given, American right to love him some freaky strippers. For a moment, we had doubted if Hughes truly did love the women of the night. But now, with a simple piece of cloth, the question is answered. People who love strippers, truly the luckiest people in the world.
L-Boogie’s Dancing Ladies [Mr. Irrelevant]
Holiday Fab [Young, Black And Fabulous]
Continue Reading May 30th, 2006
On Sunday, Philadelphia’s Ryan Howard hit yet another home run, his 12th of the month. The guy’s hot, and, judging from his physique, pretty obviously not on steroids. But that’s not the most interesting part of his homer; what we’re fascinated by is whom he hit it off.
The pitcher who gave up the homer is named Joe Winkelsas, a 32-year-old Brewers righthander making his first appearance in the majors since 1999. Where has Winkelsas been? Well, hauling garbage and doing everything he can not to be stoned anymore.
Winkelsas had a full-blown addiction to marijuana. It got so bad that he never made it through the 2000 season with the Richmond Braves before he was sent to a drug rehabilitation clinic in Atlanta.
We’ve always found the notion of someone being “addicted” to marijuana a perplexing one, though these monkeys would disagree. Winkelsas says that he sought his own treatment for marijuana addiction and ultimately kicked the habit while working as a garbageman in Buffalo. (This seems almost certain to end up as a Vincent Gallo movie.) A story about Winkelsas contains the following anecdote.
He can see himself coming home from another bar fight at 4 a.m. —- drunk, blood on his face. Bacon grease on the corner of his mouth from eating at a restaurant whose name he can’t even remember. Hair all messed up. Drool everywhere.
That TOTALLY happened to us over Memorial Day. If that’s wrong, we don’t want to be right!
Dude, Where’s My Glove? [That’s Blogtastic]
(Oh, here’s some other stoned ballplayers, if you’re curious.)
Previous Posts
