Archive for May 16th, 2006
Continue Reading May 16th, 2006
We don’t know how many of you are planning to see the new X-Men movie next week, but if you are, be prepared for a profoundly uninvolving experience.
To be able to say that isn’t the result of some strange new form of ESP we’ve developed, but the result of knowing that director Brett Ratner makes incredibly average films. They leave you feeling not really unsatisfied, but not at all satisfied, either. We’ll go to X-Men anyway, because we’re like that, but whatever.
Now his next project, Rush Hour 3, we would never, ever, ever go to in a jergizzion years. Until now, that is. In the tradition of great centers on film…
“I want Yao Ming, the basketball player, to be in it [RUSH HOUR 3]. I want to recreate the fight sequence from the Bruce Lee movie where he fights Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, but I want to do the reverse; I want Chris Tucker to fight Yao Ming. I want that to happen.”
Agreed - let’s see that happen. Anyway, you guys know how this works by now. First we tell you who’s supposed to win, then when they don’t, we get whiny and call someone a cheater.
IT WAS THE GREATEST INJUSTICE OF THE 21ST CENTURY, AND WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL IT’S CORRECTED.
That said, pick your man.
Oh, and if you’re wondering why this is up so late on a Tuesday night, it’s because of that reason we’ll never explain to you ever.
Continue Reading May 16th, 2006
Little known fact: Clippers center Chris Kaman is not, in fact, actually hurt: That lump on his shoulder is just a normal byproduct of reaching the 25th year of life on his home planet. It’s kind of like a birthing pouch, actually; in nine months, a being resembling a cross between Nicko McBrain and Cliff Burton emerges. It’s really something to see.
Anyway, Clippers Frenzy has clearly taken over our humble planet, and tonight they could send it into a full-scale epidemic were they able to beat the Suns in Phoenix. (Oh, apparently the Heat can eliminate the Nets tonight, if you’re into that type of thing.)
We think it’s impossible not to root for the Clippers, if just because these T-shirts could sneak into the subconscious. We like the idea of Sam Cassell being the next Jambi, truth be told.
Birth Of Clipper Nation [Slate]
Continue Reading May 16th, 2006
We’d suggest tuning in for the NBA on TNT tomorrow night: It’s going to turn into a text messaging frenzy!
Kobe Bryant will appear as a guest analyst on Wednesday night’s TNT playoff doubleheader, a public follow-up to his text-message battle with TNT analyst Charles Barkley. Bryant, who will provide in-studio analysis, was irritated when Barkley called him “very selfish” in the wake of the Lakers’ 121-90 Game 7 loss to Phoenix in the first round of the playoffs.
We have several different scenarios here, ways this could play out. There’s the Mamba Scenario, the ROTFL Scenario, the Refuse To Pass The Ball Back To Ernie Johnson Scenario and, most terrifyingly, the Charles Barkley As Marcellus Wallace In Aspen Scenario. We can all dream.
Bryant To Make TNT Appearance [Los Angeles Times]
Continue Reading May 16th, 2006
As you know, we try very hard to stay apolitical over here; one of the joys of sports is that you can watch a game with someone with the exact opposite belief system of you, and as long as you’re rooting for the same team, you’re best friends.
So we’re just going to let you know about this story because we think it’s interesting and worthwhile and cross our fingers that it doesn’t turn into some vitriolic debate. OK? Because, politics or anything else aside, we find it kind of impossible not to admire James Jordan, Michael’s brother.
James just retired after 31 years in the military, which is one more than he was required to serve; he stayed on one extra year when his unit was deployed to Iraq. That year is over, and now he’s coming home.
For a guy who ended up about a foot shorter than his brother, we think he’s kind of more than proven his mettle. But hey: Insurgents buy shoes too.
OK. We’re the son of an Air Force guy. That comes out sometimes.
Michael Jordan’s Brother Big Brother Ends Army Career [Charlotte Observer]
Continue Reading May 16th, 2006
Now that Noah Inhofer has walked away from TUF3, one of the two previously eliminated light heavyweights will get another shot at becoming The Ultimate Fighter. So who’s coming back?
You can make a solid argument on both fighters’ behalves. Jesse Forb…
Continue Reading May 16th, 2006
Gumby from OnTheMat posted a funny post about the different types of BJJ practicioners out there:
BJJ Types from OnTheMat:
The Shadow-Boxer:
The guy who has some striking martial art experience (usually a TMAer who can’t accept the fact that his black belt is being rendered useless by these 150-lb. guys who tap him relentlessly) and decides to […]
Continue Reading May 16th, 2006
On episode 6 of The Ultimate Fighter, Noah Inhofer revealed to the world that he is a wussy.
When he received the letter, all the other fighters in the house thought a relative had got into a car accident, gotten sick, or someone had died. Hell, I thought that it couldn’t be too bad, maybe his […]
Continue Reading May 16th, 2006
After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs. — Emily Dickinson
The Carnival of The NBA, No. 28, comes to us as quixotic exercise, more The Pain than The Hope, a Vision rather than a Sign. We stand here in wonder, on both sides of the fatalistic divide. For, who is it that we Are, if we do not know who we shall Be?
This is only the future. And that future is the Carnival of The NBA, after the jump.
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The Carnival commences.
The fine fellow at Mutoni’s Musings gives us all the pain and the glory of a Tim Thomas destroying a perfectly good playoff season; who is Thomas to lack such spirit, vigor and soul? Northwest Hoops showcases the preponderance of former Blazers still roaming around playoff land, and we see that, as Proust once wrote, when on Sundays I saw these, in the hot light of a summer morning, blaze like a black sun I would say to myself: “Good heavens! nine o’clock! I must get ready for mass at once if I am to have time to go in and kiss aunt Léonie first.”
Ah, high school, such time of learning and loss, of wistful remembrances and raging erections. Gilbert’s Arena brings us Wizards yearbook photos, and it is through this that we must not forget, for the days are fleeting and the nights are approaching. We look at high school-aged gentlemen who stand in for Zack Randolph at Blazers Edge, and we are reminded that at our cores, we are all impersonators, we are all empty men.
Ron Artest may no longer be with us, but his presence is felt, even it means living on through black agate text on a solid white unpretentious background. YAYSports! mystery of Who Shot Mamba? remains one of the more pressing issues of our time, though … what is our time, if not a construct of our own belief system? What Kant called “the maxim of your actions.” Though that might have been “angle of the dangle.”
Who is the Hope? Who lies in wait as the next Gerry Cooney of the NBA? Jones On The NBA has the answer. The answer must come from within. The answer must come from Kenyon Martin’s arm, or perhaps in Pat Riley’s whooping crane action. In the end, though, one only has himself and his Basketball Jones podcast to answer for, and that is something, not nothing, no no.
Who has the fever for the flavor of a Pringles? Impending Firestorm would like to be the general manager of the Hawks, and we ask that if a tree falls in the forest, does it fall for thee? If LeBron James, for whom we are all spectators buying tickets, merchandise and snacks, were to retire, what would be a logical profession for him? It is through only the metamorphic possiblities available to post-graduate scholar that not only is retirement a consideration, but also employment escapes the slippery grasp. There is no time for shelf stocking!
A monumental task? Fixing all kinds of off-season Bobcats problems. A task fit for Sisyphus, who was a sissy and girl and shouldn’t have been playing with rocks anyway. Is running a call-in podcast such an endeavor? Or is it through this that dreams come, that the future holds promise and joy and hope. Camus wrote “all modern revolutions have ended in a reinforcement of the power of the State,” but he married a morphine addict, so what the hell does he know?
How is a void filled? What kind of void? Well, an empty void. Blue and Gold attempts to pick up the pieces of a so-close postseason run. A great man once said that mathematics was the opiate of the masses — or something like that — so LowPost.net looks at regular season performance vs. the playoffs. It is only when the lights shine brightest than a man can truly discover his own worth, or at least the 95 percent of his worth his agent allows him to keep.
You cannot rank a warrior, but you can chart a Warrior, particularly if that warrior looks like a Sudoku nerd from Duke. Screaming from the womb, collicking, cranky and glorious, comes Give Me The Rock, and just as birth as a renewal, so too is the cleansing nature of a good bath in olive oil. (Watch the crevices.) Speaking of birth and renewal, True Hoop turned one year old, and it is through the eyes of a child that we might all be found, or, at least, located for a short while.
As frightening as a world where all are witnesses to Rasheed Wallace might be, it could be a world of more peace than one might have imagined. But it is the leadership of a point guard in Los Angeles that we desire, and desire is more than a common colloquialism for one’s Knight father.
But remember, everyone: It is always about the shoes.
It is hope that we bring you. The future. We shall not crush the very notions of imagination or possibility.
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