Do not draft Larry Johnson for your team

Continue Reading February 14th, 2006

This could be you Larry!It’s difficult for us to know whether or not we should even mention this to our millions of daily readers. On one hand, we have a responsibility to tell the truth. On the other hand, we want to win all of our fantasy football leagues next year. On a mysterious third hand, we don’t like to type. However, in the end, the first hand won.

After reading this article by ESPN’s Len Pasquarelli, there is one thing that is certain next year—Kansas City Chiefs’ running back Larry Johnson will rupture his spleen.

“With what he did last year, once he got to play [regularly], I don’t know if [2,500 yards] really is impossible,” said Chiefs guard Brian Waters, a crushing in-line blocker who is making a second straight Pro Bowl appearance. “Put the ball in his hands enough times and he is going to gain a lot of yards. I mean, the sky’s the limit for L.J., really.”

That is the only possible conclusion you can draw after reading something like that. 2,500 yards?!?! That’s like 300 yards more than 2,200 yards, 789 yards more than 1711 yards, and 2499 yards more than 1 yard.

There are two things certain in life. The first is that when you start talking about rushing for an inhuman amount of yards in one year (even if you are a stud like Johnson) you will almost certainly tear your groin to shreds at some point, making your season worthless and all fantasy owners that drafted you hate you and wish evil plagues such as hemorrhoids and gingivitis upon you.

Our only advice to you Larry is to admit the “truth” and tell everyone that your evil twin Harry Johnson said those things. We just don’t think that it’s worth tearing your groin apart just because your evil twin wanted to ruin your year.