Basketbawful is here to once again bring you a double-dose of your favorite things: Boobs and basketball. Actually, scratch the boobs part. And you’ll have to talk to Will’s mom about that.
Cleveland versus Boston: Game 6
The inevitable (?) explosion. Everybody is waiting for it: The LeBron James Eruption. I mean, he’s too good not to have at least one freaktastically amazing game in this series … right? A lot of people thought it would be Game 5. They were wrong. So why not Game 6? Seems as good a time as any.
The inevitable (?) implosion. If KG has a bad game because he starts bailing out and shooting fadeaways from 17 feet, we’ll be treated to a few more days of “This is why KG can’t win in the playoffs” stories…I can’t wait!!
The missing Boobie: Daniel Gibson won’t be available for Game 6 because he separated his left shoulder diving for a loose ball in the fourth quarter of Game 5 and needs at least a week to recover. Bummer for him and the Cavs, but it’s not like he was getting a lot of PT.
Oh, the drama. Despite the fact that Boobie has only had one good game in this series — and no great ones — LeBron is wigging out a little bit about his absence. “It’s something we didn’t want to happen. It’s kind of the tale of our season — a guy goes down in the heat of a playoff series. He’s very key to our team. It’s not good seeing a guy who is that key to your team in a suit.” The story of their season is a guy going down in the heat of a playoff series? Did I totally miss something or is LeBron a little crazy from the playoff heat?
Oh, the damn, dirty lies. More from the King: “We’re not looking for a spectacular game from anybody. We just want to continue to do what we’ve been doing in the two wins we’ve had at home — guys stepped up. We’re not looking for a guy to go out and score 30 points or anything like that.” I’m sure that’s exactly what Mike Brown is thinking. (coughBULLSHITcough!!)
The implant procedure. Speaking of the non-Coach of the Year, Brown hasn’t decided whether to use Damon Jones, Devin Brown, or Sasha Pavlovic in place of the Boobmeister. Decisions, decisions. In the immortal words of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, it’s like choosing which puddle of vomit to lick. But wouldn’t you just assume he’d go ahead and use the guy they paid good money to re-sign in the offseason? Or does that make too much sense?
Regrets. So many regrets. Zydrunas Ilgauskas has an interesting take on how and why the Cavaliers dropped Game 5. “We had them on their heels. (In the second half) It just seemed like we really weren’t into it. We came out a half-step slow.” Okay, so let me get this straight: The Cleveland players “weren’t really into” a crucial playoff game? Is he serious, or is this one of those language barrier things? I hope for his sake it’s the latter.
Doc Rivers wants…what, exactly? Rajon Rondo busted Cleveland in the chops in Game 5 by going off for 20 points and 13 assists, and he even nailed a couple triples. And Doc wants him to do, well, this: “If they’re going to leave him open, I want him to shoot it. But I don’t want him to look for it.” Sound advice. Say, how did this guy not win Coach of the Year? (P.S. I want Indiana Jones to find the Crystal Skull if it’s just sitting out in the open in front of him, but I don’t want him to look for it.)
The long and winding road. I hope you’re wearing ankle suspenders, because this is going to knock your socks the hell off: The Celtics haven’t won a road game in the playoffs yet. Did you know that?! But don’t worry, Celtics. Doc has the solution. “We’re just going to show up and play basketball.” Yup. That should totally work.
Utah versus L.A.: Game 6
Home cookin’. The home team in this series always seems to end up with 40+ free throws. Will the trend continue tonight? (My guess: Oh hell yes.)
Captain Obvious. Carlos Boozer, the current four-star General Obvious promoted Matt Harpring after he made the following statement: “If we lose, we go home. We certainly don’t want to lose on our home court the last game of the year. No way.” And that is something I never would have guessed, Matt.
Kobe’s back. Nobody quite knows how badly Mamba’s back is still hurting. But everybody knows this: It’s a good thing the Lakers aren’t playing the Spurs, or else Cheap Shot Rob would be painting a big red target on Mamba’s hindquarters.
The Wisdom of Zen. Phil Jackson has deep thoughts on how the Lakers can win Game 6: “The message is being under control. It’s about execution at this point. It’s about winning the game.” And that, my friends, is how you get into the Hall of Fame. Write that down.
Slurp, slurp, slurp. Lamar Odom on Kobe’s Game 5 performance: “Incredible, as always. Kobe made plays for us when he needed to.” But you know, despite the kind words, don’t you get the feeling that Lamar really doesn’t like Mamba?
The Jazz must empty their craw. Jerry Sloan doesn’t want his team thinking about the no-call in Game 5 when Pau Gasol climbed Mehmet Okur’s back like it was a stripper pole. “You can’t worry about that. If you keep that in your craw, then you’re going to be affected by it in the next game.” Good call, coach. I hate it when my craw gets all full.
You can’t press the Reset button, Carlos. Carlos Boozer on Utah’s missed opportunities in Game 5: “You watch the tape of the game, you wish you could jump in the screen and play it all over again. I thought we had the opportunity to take the lead a few times, and looking back on it, it’s definitely frustrating.” Then, General Obvious totally came through: “You put the pressure on the home team if you get the lead.” YES!
More General Obvious. Oh, Carlos was just warming up with that last comment. “We’ve got two left with them. We’ve got to win tomorrow night to have the second one.”
History is on, uh, who’s side exactly? According to the history books, the Jazz are 1-1 when hosting a Game 6 and trailing 3-2 in the last 10 years. NO, seriously. The victory came in the first round last year when the Jazz beat the Rockets in Utah. As for the loss, well, you know, I’ve just put the 1998 NBA Finals out of my mind, okay?
Jerry Sloan, master debater. Coach Sloan on the Jazz’s, er, chances. “If you like to play, what better position could you be in? They have to come and beat us, and we hope we don’t beat ourselves.” Uhm, yeah. I’m out.
Greg Oden, honestly, you can’t back to the NBA fast enough. We’re not sure what’s going on with his hair here, but we still love it. We fully expect to run into Oden at, like, half the parties we go to.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who’s going to just start flopping, hacking and thugging people from behind in his pickup league. If anybody says anything, he can just tell them that he’s playing “championship basketball.” When he’s not figuring out new ways to sweep the leg, he can be found working on his shiv at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
They are who we thought they were. Faced with a must-win situation at home, the San Antonio Spurs did what they always seem to do: They used flawless execution, ruthless efficiency, and a third quarter flopstravaganza to turn a close game into a 99-80 route. But of course winning wasn’t enough for Robert Horry.
With 10:11 left in the fourth and the Spurs leading by 21, Cheap Shot Rob aimed a hard — and illegal — pick right into the meaty goodness of David West’s injured back. And just like last season when he thugged Steve Nash, San Antonio got the optimum payoff: Horry got tagged with a simple offensive foul and David West got carried out in a body bag. (OK, OK, he just writhed on the floor a few minutes until a couple trainers helped him limp and shuffle back to the locker room. But the body bag thing sounded a lot cooler, didn’t it?)
The Spurs won thanks to big games from Manu Ginobili (25 points, 9-for-15) and Tim Duncan (20 points, 15 rebounds, 6 assists), a three-point barrage from Ginobili (6-for-9) and Ime Udoka (3-for-3), and a cluster of critical offensive fouls drawn by the flop-a-riffic acting skills of Duncan and Bruce Bowen, who sold charges the way a used car salesman might stick you with a rusty lemon that won’t even get you home from the lot. But don’t take my word for it … watch for yourself:
Was there some home cookin’ involved? Well, let me put it this way: During that third quarter flop-a-palooza, Paul got called for his third and fourth fouls and West got called for his second and third, all in about a minute. Then, a few minutes later, West picked up his fourth. Next thing you know, the Spurs were leading by 15 and the game was pretty much over. But I’m sure it was all just a big coincidence.
The Hornets played hard, but — other than Chris Paul (21 points, 5 rebounds, 8 assists) — not well. David West managed only 10 points on 4-for-14 shooting before Horry Cobra Kai’ed him, Peja Stojakovic finished with 13, and Tyson Chandler scored 14 on 7-for-8 shooting, but he grabbed only 6 rebounds and couldn’t contain Duncan. And don’t even get me started in on the New Orleans “bench.” (Although, to be fair, Julian Wright played pretty well — 8 points on 4-for-8 shooting.)
The series is now knotted at 3-all. Game 7 is Monday. Now somebody go call a witch doctor or a faith healer or something and have them fix West’s back.
Basketbawful is here to once again bring you a double-dose of his favorite things: Boobs and basketball, not necessarily in that order. Okay, in that order.
San Antonio versus New Orleans: Game 6
Home cookin’. In case you didn’t notice, home teams are 19-1 in the second round of this year’s playoffs. Plus, neither the Hornets or Spurs have lost at home this postseason. Call me crazy, but I get the feeling that trend is likely to continue tonight…
Elimination game. The Spurs always seem to be on the other side of this situation. Just ask the Phoenix Suns. They’re pretty efficient at closing teams out. But how good are they at staying alive? And forget, there’s the little matter of…
The Curse. San Antonio may have four titles in the last nine seasons, but they’ve never won ‘em back-to-back. And in each of the Spurs’ last three title defenses - following the 1999, 2003 and 2005 seasons - they were ousted in the Western Conference Semifinals or earlier. And you know, history has a funny way of repeating itself. Unless I just pulled a reverse stat curse. Crap!
Platitudes. San Antonio Gregg Popovich said: “The bottom line is that the better team wins in a seven-game series. I’ve always said that. So whoever wins the series it will be because they’re the better team.” Note that he’s “always said that.” You think that, if his Spurs lose, he’ll actually believe it?
Strategy session, Part I. New Orleans coach Byron Scott says his team has to approach the game with the official Sense Of Urgency ™: “The best opportunity for us is really (Game 6). We’ve got to look at it that way. We’ve got a chance to close out the defending champions.”
Strategy session, Part II. Chris Paul thinks the Hornets need to do, uh, something. “When you make shots and stuff like that, it helps a lot, but we just got to find some way somehow.” Some way. Somehow. Sounds kind of easy, doesn’t it?
Chris Paul and Tim Duncan. They are the two best players, and the best players usually cast the deciding vote in playoff elimination games. Bad news for the Spurs: Tim Duncan has been having a rough series, for him anyway. Bad news for New Orleans: Chris Paul doesn’t have a lot of experience closing teams out, let alone in a hostile road game.
David West. I don’t mean to toot my own tooter, but I called it. In my Game 5 preview, I said: “His Game 4 was both forgettable and regrettable: 10 points on 4-for-15 shooting. But that might actually be good news for the Hornets, since David has developed a habit of bouncing back from bad games.” And did he ever bounce back: 38 points, 14 rebounds, 5 assists, 5 blocked shots. He was a one-man Death Star blowing up Alderan. And it was as if millions of Spurs fans suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Here’s the thing, though: West’s back is hurting and he has another habit…of following up great games with not-so-great games. So don’t expect a career-night from Dave in Game 6.
Tony Parker. The Flopping Frenchman is close to setting a personal record for most times falling down and grabbing his head in one series. But he needs a seventh game to make it happen. Look, the Spurs don’t stand much of a chance of winning the title this year, but at least TP can make a little history.
Tyson Chandler. Is it too early to start calling him The Duncan Stopper? Yeah, probably. But he’s done a fantastic job shoving a cork in Timmy’s game. But - duh duh duh duuuuuuum - he has a bruised left foot. And it’s hard to imagine him running Duncan off the playoff road with a flat tire.
Gregg Popovich. This series has been marked by adjustments, from his Hack-a-Whoever strategy, to putting Bruce Bowen on Peja Stojakovic, to moving Manu Ginobili in the starting lineup. Pops may be a first-rate, scar-faced asshat, but he’s also a ruthlessly efficient tactician. So: Does he have any special adjustments for Game 6? And: Does he have the personnel necessary to make any more adjustments?
Peja Stojakovic. I hope Peja Stojakovic spent his day off studying Houdini, because he really needs to figure out a way to escape the straightjacket Bruce Bowen has him in. I’d suggest having him drive to the hoop, but he currently has the footspeed of a crippled sea cow.
Damon Stoudamire. Sorry, Mighty Mouse. But regardless of how this game turns out, I have a feeling your championship piggyback days are numbered.
Stephon (Tracy Jordan) Marbury says that he will “dominate” this season, and that he has been training by “running in the mountains.” Tirico Suave imagines this process.
[In] its four-page lawsuit, the resort said it had extended four $100,000 markers to Barkley, two each on Oct. 18 and Oct. 19, that have not been paid back…The suit, signed by Kimmarie Sinatra, general counsel for Wynn Resorts, the parent company of Wynn Las Vegas, also seeks attorneys fees, court costs and interest on the $400,000 from Barkley, whom it identifies as a resident of Arizona.
The suit will give Barkley a chance to start making payments on his debt in lieu of imprisonment, but the question is, can Barkley even pay this back at this point? He’s notoriously pissed away most of his NBA fortune, and it’d be interesting to see how much in endorsement and TNT money he has left. Don’t be surprised if you see Charles popping up in every third commercial on television from now on or hitting the autograph circuit every weekend in an effort to make good.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who’s starting to think HE could beat one of these squads on his homecourt. That’s how impossible it is for NBA teams to win on the road right now. When he’s not having delusions of grandeur here, he can be found having delusion of grandeuratBasketbawful. Enjoy!
Not in our house! Part I. LeBron broke out of his shooting slump (for almost one half, anyway), Kevin Garnett finally submitted a dominant performance (it only took five games), and there was a nice little duel between Rajon Rondo and Delonte “The Pirate” West (see below). But while the circumstances may have changed, the final result did not: Boston maintained their homecourt dominance by beating Cleveland 96-89. But at least LeBron’s mom wasn’t around to go apeshit. So that’s something.
King James (35 points, 12-for-25, 5 assists) scored 23 points in the first 20 minutes, but he hit only one bucket in the next 20, thanks mostly to some shutdown D from Paul Pierce. (I know. Who knew?) But other than King and West (21 points, 4 assists, 4 steals), the rest of the Cavs — SHOCK ALERT!! — sucked basketball. Zydrunas Ilguaskas had 6 points and 7 boards, Ben Wallace (4 points, 4 boards) played like he was still dizzy, and Wally World (10 points, 3-for-8) must be trying out for Saturday Night Live, because he’s honed his Larry Hughes impression to perfection (you knew it was coming).
Kevin Garnett (26 points, 16 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 steals, 3 blocks) put his stamp on the game, especially during the pivotal third quarter when the Celtics outscored Cleveland 29-17. In addition to putting baby … I mean, LeBron … in a corner, Pierce scored 29 points and grabbed 7 boards. And Rajon Rondo (20 points, 9-for-15, 13 assists) officially took Ray Allen’s spot in The New Big Three.
Boston now leads the series 3-2, with Game 6 on Friday in Cleveland.
Quote of the game: Delonte West, who’s suffering from an unspecified eye condition and therefore left the court during the Celtics’ introduction to avoid the smoke, said: “It’s hard to play this game with one eye unless you’re a pirate.”
Boston is the new Los Angeles: The TD Banknorth Garden crowd had an unusual number of celebrities in attendance, including Robe Lowe (okay, that’s a stretch these days), Jay-Z, Beyonce, Louis C.K. (I had no idea you could win an emmy for stand-up comedy), Johan Hill (the fat kid from Superbad), Donnie Wahlberg (isn’t his brother the celebrity?), JoJo Levesque and a bunch of the New England Patriots (they were probably taping the Cavaliers’ defensive signals).
Not in our house! Part II. The Lakers were obviously happy to be back in the Staples Center, where the free throws — 42 to be exact — flow fast and free. For them, anyway. And it turned out that L.A. didn’t even need Kobe or his back in the fourth quarter, during which the Lakers outscored the Jazz 30-23 — and 8-2 in the final minute — to hold on for a 111-104 win.
Mamba led his team with 26 points, 6 rebounds and 7 assists, but actually allowed his teammates to carry the burden in the final period. And Pau Gasol (21 points, 6 rebounds, 8 assists) and Lamar Odom (22 points, 11 rebounds) were more than happy to do so. (There are now three sets of prints on the game ball.)
The Lakers led the whole way, but Utah pulled to within 103-102 with 2:18 left. But Pau Gasol scored the next four points and the rest was played for posterity. Utah’s starting five did most of the damage for The Mummy Jerry Sloan, particularly Deron Williams (27 points, 5 rebounds, 10 assists), Carlos Boozer (18 points, 12 rebounds) and Mehmet Okur (13 points, 13 boards).
L.A. now leads the series 3-2, with Game 6 on Friday in Utah.
Stat watch: The Lakers’ D.J. Mbenga played one second, thus earning himself a Super Mario.
Fun fact: Home teams are now 19-1 in the second round. Which means they should probably just skip the Game 6s and go right to the Game 7s.
Yes, that’s former Indiana Pacers sharpshooter Reggie Miller filling the mouth of what appears to be a very thirsty woman with a few fingers of Grey Goose.
I’m convinced that Grey Goose has hired some renegade PR firm to orchestrate this free-spirited photo-op in an effort to create more brand awareness for the Goose among sports blog commenters. Belvedere has just been killing them on that front this year.
We can all admit, though, that drinking the Goose does make Reggie look so much more human.
Basketbawful is here to once again bring you a double-dose of your favorite things: Boobs and basketball. Actually, scratch the boobs part. And you’ll have to talk to Will’s mom about that.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who’s going to just start flopping, hacking and thugging people from behind in his pickup league. If anybody says anything, he can just tell them that he’s playing “championship basketball.” When he’s not figuring out new ways to sweep the leg, he can be found working on his shiv at 
Charles Barkley’s love of gambling has reached a breaking point for one Las Vegas casino, which is now 
Yes, that’s former Indiana Pacers sharpshooter Reggie Miller filling the mouth of what appears to be a very thirsty woman with a few fingers of Grey Goose.