Continue Reading May 11th, 2008 10:30am
Leitch
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who suggests that you see Iron Man immediately if you haven’t already seen it. And if you have seen it, see it again. When he’s not marketing major motion pictures for free, he can be found playing cards with Bigfoot at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
Celtics receive a Cleveland steamer. It may feel natural to compare Boston’s performance last night to poop, but that’s actually an insult to poop everywhere. The Celtics fell behind 32-13 in the first quarter and never really challenged, eventually suffering an embarrassing 108-84 defeat. That, my friends, is what I like to refer to as negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages. Or wrestling the brown corn-belly snake. Or taking the Browns to the Super Bowl. Or — and this is my personal favorite — singing with Michael Bolton. Okay. I’ve hit my quota of poop jokes for the month. What a relief.
LeBron had another sucktastic shooting night (5-for-16), but it didn’t matter. The Celtics were sliced and diced by Delonte West (21 points, 5 rebounds, 7 assists), Joe Smith (17 points, 6 rebounds), Wally Szczerbiak (16 points), Zydrunas Ilgauskas (12 points, 8 rebounds, 6 assists) and Ben Wallace (9 points, 9 rebounds, 2 blocked shots). It was…it was like the Cavaliers were an actual team. Boston? Not so much.
Boston’s “Big Three” played more like the “Teensy Trio.” KG had 17 points and 9 rebounds, but Ray Allen was 4-for-10 and Paul Pierce shot 3-for-8 and committed a game-high 4 turnovers. Rajon Rondo (3-for-10) and Sam Cassell (0-for-6) didn’t do much to help the cause, either. The bigger problem, though, was the Celtics’ “best in the league” defense, which allowed the Cavs to shoot 54 percent from the field and 52 percent from way out there.
So, uh, yeah … maybe what the Hawks did in against the Celtics in the first round was no fluke.
The Pistons don’t need no stinking Chauncey! Bumping. Grinding. Dwight Howard bleeding from the mouth. It was a rough and tumble game that would have made Bill Laimbeer proud, and that’s the type of game the Pistons usually win. Which they did, 90-89. Without Chauncey Billups, no less.
After the game, Rasheed Wallace (16 points, 8 rebounds) broke it down for everybody. “We just played ‘D’ — that’s what we do. It was a physical game on both sides of the ball. That’s our style; we like being physical. We just wish we could do that more often.” I bet they do. And I bet Dwight Howard and his mouth don’t.
Richard Hamilton led Detroit with 32 points, and Tayshaun Prince (17 points, 5 rebounds, 5 assists) hit a running one-hander from 11 feet out with 8.9 seconds to give the Pistons a one-point lead. The Magic could have tied it, but Hedo Turkoglu (20 points, 5 turnovers) took about 8.7 seconds to begin a failed drive to the basket, and Dwight Howard (8 points, 12 rebounds) failed to convert a follow-up layin.
What the hell took Hedo so damn long? This was what he said: “I was reading the situation. I didn’t want to rush and force a bad shot. Maybe I was holding it too long instead of going right away.” Carlos Boozer approves this message.
So now the Magic are in a 3-1 hole and heading back to Detroit for Game 5. Their only hope is that one of the Pistons players starts talking about how good it feels to be moving on to the second round…
Continue Reading May 10th, 2008 01:20pm
Christmas Ape
Dyshod Carter, a former cornerback for the Cardinals and Browns, was one of five people arrested earlier this week for attempting to purchase seven kilos of cocaine from an undercover DEA agent at the low, low Phoenix price of $16,000 a key.
The suspects were arrested Tuesday while attempting to complete the transaction, according to Ramona Sanchez, a special agent with the DEA in Arizona. Officials also seized a fully loaded AK-47 and $104,000 cash in a search of the suspect vehicles.
A kilo of coke has a street value of $15,000 to $16,000 in the Phoenix area, but the price sharply increases as you head toward the east coast, away from the U.S.-Mexico border, Sanchez said.
Thanks newspapers! Without you, I wouldn’t know the regional fluctuations in cocaine prices.
/buys plane ticket to Phoenix, live blogs cocaine deal
Continue Reading May 10th, 2008 10:30am
Leitch
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would like to abuse his position to give a public shout-out to his buddy Dave, who just got his Master’s Degree from Purdue University. Way to go, Dave! When he’s not making with the gratuitous congratulations, he can be found trimming his unibrow at Basketbawful. Enjoy!
Lakers get Boozed up. Is the Carlos Boozer Playoff Slump finally over? It sure looked like it last night. The Boozman dropped in 27 points (12-for-21) and snatched a career playoff-high-tying 20 rebounds, and the Jazz gave the Lakers a 104-99 hangover. The kind with a throbbing headache and crippling diarrhea. Oh, and increased sensitivity to light. I always hate that part.
How’d Carlos break the jinx? Why, he just pretended he was the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. “I tried to stop thinking so much out there. My teammates were waiting for a big game out of me and I was too. … I had to play thought-free and just react and play.” I guess thinking really is overrated.
Utah did some other things right, too. The Jazz hit 50 percent of their shots (39-for-78). They forced 18 turnovers and won the Battle of the Paint 48-36. And, most importantly, they held the Lakers under 40 freethrow attempts for a change (L.A. was 30-for-37 from the stripe). Mehmet Okur contributed 22 points and 7 rebounds, and he was 4-for-7 from three-point range. Deron Williams hurt his wrist - don’t worry; the X-rays were negative - but still finished with 18 points and 12 assists.
Kobe Bryant was once again MVP-like in the box score (34 points, 6 rebounds, 7 assists) and from the foul line (14-for-17), but nobody else really stood out for the Lakers. However, I’m going to throw some numbers at you anyway. Lamar Odom had a double-double (13 points, 12 rebounds), Pau Gasol had 12 points and 6 boards, and Derek Fisher added 13 points. But Kobe, Gasol and Odom combined to throw the ball away 12 times … which in part led to Utah’s 22 points off of turnovers. And that was a problem.
Said Kobe: “We clawed back but you can’t turn the ball over so many times. We had a lot of open looks and you can sustain a game like that if you don’t turn the ball over.”
Lamar Odom had this to add: “This team is good enough for us to lose to and we have to understand that.” Was…that a compliment? Or not? I mean, a hole is hole-like enough for me to fall into, but what does that even mean? Never mind. I’ll just go back to sniffing glue now.
Fun fact: Boozer’s performance was the first 20-20 playoff game by a Jazz player since Karl Malone had 32 points and 20 rebounds against the Lakers in 1997.
Continue Reading May 9th, 2008 05:15pm
Leitch
Basketbawful has a little TGIF for you. It comes disguised as a preview for tonight’s Lakers-Jazz game. But I promise it’ll make your mother love you again. If, well, you actually get off your sorry butt and buy her a card and some flowers. You’ve got two days. But read this first.
Utah versus L.A.: Game 3
Sweet home, Energy Solutions Arena. Say it with me, kids: The Utah Jazz were 37-4 at home this season (although only 2-1 in the playoffs). So obviously the Jazz are going to be relying on a little home cookin’ homecourt advantage in Game 3. Speaking of which…
Freethrows. The Lakers shot 89 in Games 1 and 2. The Jazz shot 46. I have a funny feeling that that ratio is going to flip-flop a bit.
Carlos Boozer. C’mon Booz…what’s wrong? You’ve been slumping for, well, the entire playoffs and the last seven games or so of the regular season. Is everything okay at home? Actually, you know what? I don’t care. Spank your inner moppet or whatever you need to do to get your head straight. Your team needs you.
The pick and roll. The Jazz live off it. The Lakers have stopped it. Dead. That’s at least part of the reason Carlos is sucking so badly. He’s not getting any easy baskets, and that’s probably affecting his confidence when he’s bombing from 15 feet.
General Obvious strikes again. Mr. Boozer can’t hit a jump shot, but he can watch game film. “Right now they’re packing the lane. That’s what I would if I was their team right now. Pack the lane and make us hit jump shots. We have to knock them down.” Well, he’s right about two things: The Jazz need to hit their jumpers, and the Lakers are a bunch of packers.
Block party. The Lakers have blocked 17 shots in two games. That’s, like, 8.5 blocks per game, which is a lot if you think about it. Although he wasn’t available for comment, I’m sure Carlos would say that the Jazz need to focus on the basket and avoid the Lakers’ meaty hands.
Grandpappy Obvious speaks. Jazz coach Jerry Sloan realizes that the Lakers will still play defense, even in Utah. “They’re going to defend us. They’re not going to drop off and say, ‘OK, we’re not going to defend you because we’re not in L.A.’” Wow. Thanks for that, Jerry. I’m just…wow.
King Subtle speaks. Ah, Phil Jackson. He loves him some sly volleys, doesn’t he? Earlier this week he offhandedly mentioned that the loud and boisterous nature of Utah’s home crowd can intimidate officials, making them miss a foul here or there (or everywhere). He claimed to have “amnesia” when asked about that comment, but he did offer that “They’re scrumming around. That’s much more decisive on their court.” True. Just like Kobe elbowing his way into the paint and Lamar Odom going over the back and Sasha Vujacic using two hands and a foot on defense is “much more decisive” at the Staples Center.
Deron Williams. He is the cheese to the Jazz’s macaroni. And he needs to be extra cheesy tonight if Utah is going to get a win. Memo to Deron: You’re being guarded by a 50-year-old man…take the ball to the hoop every time, okay?
Kobe Bryant. You’ve got your MVP, okay? Can you just, I don’t know, go away now?
Andrei Kirilenko. If Jerry Sloan had a time machine, don’t you think he’d use it to replace today’s Kirilenko with the AK47 of, say, 2004? You bet your big, throbbing brain he would. And you know what? I’d do the same thing.
Lamar Odom. He is quietly killing the Jazz with his rebounding and his defense on Boozer. Nobody benefits more from the presence of Pau Gasol than Odom, who is obviously at his best as the third option. My solution: Kill Pau Gasol. It may be the only way. I keed, I keed. (But not really.)
Continue Reading May 9th, 2008 04:15pm
DAULERIO
Here’s a photo from a reader who found this rare, 19-0* New England Patriots Super Bowl hat at a 99-cent store in Brooklyn.
Hard to ever tired of these.
(* Copyright New England Patriots, 2007)
Continue Reading May 9th, 2008 02:20pm
rickchand
So Tom Brady wants his girlfriend to dress up as Wonder Woman? Who doesn’t? Just be thankful he didn’t say Aqua Boy. According to a gossip column in the Boston Globe, Gisele Bundchen revealed that Brady has a bit of a Wonder Woman fixation. Translation: If someone is thinking of making a Wonder Woman movie — ha! What a screwy notion! — she wants to be on the short list.
Of course, a movie Wonder Woman has already been cast recently, but that doesn’t leave Gisele out of the mix. Megan Gale will play WW in an upcoming Justice League of America movie, which is a whole separate deal. Here she is in a photo that is NSFW, comic book fans.
Wonder Woman Gisele Bundchen [Boston Globe]
Continue Reading May 9th, 2008 01:35pm
Leitch
We know that the Hornets lost last night, and that the Lakers are sweeping through the playoffs, and that LeBron is kind of embarrassing himself a little bit. But all this playoff business only brings one thing to our mind: Heavens to Betsy, Chris Paul is freaking amazing.
This is not news to anyone who has been watching him all year … but the vast majority of people haven’t been watching him all year, including us. Screw this “LeBron/Kobe is the next MJ” business; Chris Paul is the next Chris Paul, and it’s pretty amazing.
We enjoyed Eric Neel’s valentine on Page 2 yesterday.
Part of it is he’s so ordinary looking, so (forgive me, Chris) small. You look at Kevin Garnett and you know you’re looking at some extraordinary specimen even before you watch him play. Ditto LeBron and Kobe, whose ripped, long frames seem almost predictably tied to excellence. Paul is fit but not sculpted. He’s the shortest guy on the floor most of the time. He’s got this unassuming, slightly pigeon-toed walk and this young, seemingly guileless grin. And even though you know he’s capable of stealing Jason Kidd’s immortal soul, you’re still dumbfounded when he completely dominates a Western Conference semifinal game.
Neel touches on a point at the end that makes us sad; it’s almost too much, too gorgeous, too fast. Please don’t let Chris Paul be dating Star Jones in three years.
Continue Reading May 9th, 2008 12:35pm
Leitch
Michael Vick has now been in jail for about six months, and though he still has at least a year-and-a-half to go, he’s not immune to bad news from outside the prison. As if possibly had any money left, now the Canadians are after him.
A federal judge on Thursday ordered imprisoned quarterback Michael Vick to repay more than $2.4 million to a Canadian bank for defaulting on a loan.
The Royal Bank of Canada sued Vick in September, arguing his guilty plea to a federal dogfighting charge — and the resulting impact on his career — prevented him from repaying the loan.
This was the loan Vick took our for his restaurant, which didn’t work out well either. You know, Michael? Considering the debt and protests that await you when you get out of jail, you almost might be better of staying in there.
Vick Sacked With $2.4M Loan Default [ABC News]
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